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What to do about sick mil and childcare

(14 Posts)
mummynumnum Sat 03-Sep-11 21:36:03

My mil has stomach tumour- Secondary breast cancer that was diagnosed a year ago. I have a 5 yr old and a 18mth old and she has always done the childcare and is determined to carry on as norm. Due to a blockage she has had several stents and been through tough time re pain. This has been controlled by fentanyl patches. She wants to do childcare when I go back to work Mon but my sis and mum have just visited and have given me hard time saying she is too frail to do childcare and cant do it on morphine. Any opinions? She will be devastated if she can't do it but obv my children come first. The 5yrold is at school and pick up and drop off are being done by a friend.

Beamur Sat 03-Sep-11 21:37:30

How confident are you that MIL is well enough?

UniS Sat 03-Sep-11 21:40:19

Reckon you need to sort out alternative childcare. AND a regular visit to or by granny , during which IF MiL is up to it you ask her to look after them for short time while you... make tea, pop to shop or do some other short task.

ginmakesitallok Sat 03-Sep-11 21:40:28

I think she would find it hard, but is likely to want to continue to keep life as normal as possible. I'd probably let her do it for a couple of hours, and get alternative for the rest. See how it goes. Is FIL available to help?

Lilyloo Sat 03-Sep-11 21:40:33

Whilst i am sure your mil would be very upset and feel she is letting you down , taking care of an 18 mth old all day and a 5 yrold after school is very demanding.
I personally agree with your mum and sister , can they help out ?
Maybe offer mil some time with 5 yr old after school for a short time ?
Sorry to hear about mil

mummynumnum Sat 03-Sep-11 21:42:50

I am not convinced she is up to it. She says she is. Dh thinks we should let her try Mon and see how she gets on. My dc are her pride and joy. They really boost her and I know that but obv I have their welfare as the priority.

ginmakesitallok Sat 03-Sep-11 21:45:33

Does she have someone she can call if it gets too much for her?

mummynumnum Sat 03-Sep-11 21:46:45

My mum and sis came down this week to help but live 100s of miles away and have now gone back. It came at worst time-end of summer holiday and with no time to really sort anything alternative out. Have an emergency childminder I could use but not sure how soon I could sort. Dh used all hol, I am a teacher and cant have start of term off and no fil on scene.

mummynumnum Sat 03-Sep-11 21:48:52

She has friends she can call and she can always ring our emergency childminder. Ds is also now going to a nursery on fri so she can have long wkd. She could once her gets started drop him in at times. Dh comes home every lunchtime.

Beamur Sat 03-Sep-11 21:50:46

FWIW - maybe an arrangement where she looks after the children for a part of the week would be better - while she is well enough, I'd imagine it would be really nice for her to spend that time with her GC, but maybe all week would be too tiring.

Lilyloo Sat 03-Sep-11 21:54:39

The only worry is she would try and keep going rather than phone for help as she would then feel like she is letting you down and saying she can't manage.

mummynumnum Sat 03-Sep-11 21:56:47

Maybe frank conversation about using childminder, calling us if it is too much

LunarRose Sat 03-Sep-11 22:01:16

hmmm, slightly left field idea, does she have any spare room in her house? could she have an au pair to help out?

mummynumnum Sat 03-Sep-11 22:26:27

Lovely idea but don't think our funds will stretch that far. She comes to out house. We pay her but not as much as normal
Childminders. This has been a huge help to us as money is tight.

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