One month old... or possibly less- too early for a trip away?

[whizzyrocket]

Hey there,

I have a dilemma. I'm due my first baby on 5th November but my best friend has just told me that she and her boyfriend will be getting married on 10th December... in Devon. Hmmm.

I have enough knowledge of babies to know that long car-journeys can be somewhat difficult. I also know that it will take me a while to get back on my feet after the birth but I've no idea what's realistically achievable.

What do you think? Obviously I want to see my best friend marry her chap and support her through the day (she's always been rather allergic to the icky love stuff) but is a trip from Oxfordshire to Devon achievable with a new baby? Will my husband and I be able to make it through the day with our baby? And if you have a tricky delivery or c-section (although I'm not planning to! ) how long does it take to recover?

Also, if you do think it's possible, what would you wear? It'll be a very small wedding- just 30 people- with the reception at her aunt's house afterwards.

[mamsnet]

I had my ten week old daughter at my sister's wedding.. She was a nightmare, tbh! I know you could be lucky but it's also going to be cold by then.. And really, would you want to put you all through it?

[whizzyrocket]

Difficult to say no though, don't you think? If you'd known how your daughter was going to be would you have stayed away?

I was wondering whether if we couldn't make it through the day we could go to the service and slip away from her aunt's house early. I've had a look and there are plenty of b&bs very nearby. I don't know. I'd love for someone to just magically tell me it would all be fine.

[GiraffesHaveMoreFun]

Go for it, but just be prepared to perhaps leave early or not be able to go at the last minute.
Chances are, all will be fine and you'll all have a good time

[GiraffesHaveMoreFun]

As for clothes - a wrap dress for easy feeding and tummy hiding. Patterned, not black, so the possets blend in. Accessorise with a muslin cloth!

[mamsnet]

I know I'm being extra pessimistic.. Maybe you should really leave the decision until after the baby comes..

[mamsnet]

You ask if I would have stayed away.. It was my sister's wedding so it wasn't an option. However, I was invited to a cousin's wedding when DS was exactly the same age and I didn't go!!!!

[thesurgeonsmate]

In my own experience, it's a bit early to tell. It isn't really a matter of how old the baby is, it's a matter of how organised and in-step you are feeling, and the stage of baby-proficiency you have reached. It could easily be either (a) perfectly possible; or (b) perfectly impossible. I would plan to go but let them know you might not make it. I was in a very similar situation, and I didn't make it. As is turned out the baby was late and I was expressing milk and cup-feeding this after every feed. It was the kit-transportation issues that really floored me as a first time new mother. I left the decision to the last minute. My DH was extremely upset about possibility we might not make it, it was a friend from his side. We entertained all sorts of possibilities including going on a train (for bf reasons) with my mother in a car with the stuff. In the end, he went alone. I have to emphasise that the potential heroics were only necessary in our minds, and our friends were fine about me missing their day. Five weeks later we stormed a wedding at a similar distance. So don't rule it out!

[Grumpla]

I'd make plans to go, but don't make any promises to involve yourself with planning or participation in the wedding itself. Be realistic about what you can achieve!

Make sure you get there in plenty of time (travel the day before, ideally!) and factor in frequent breaks. Make sure you and your DP have a plan e.g. Sit near an exit during the ceremony, have a quick word with the reception venue staff and ask nicely if there is a quiet side room you could use to have breaks, as if you are still establishing BFing you may need to go somewhere without loud noises or distractions.

I think you will be FINE. They are so little and portable (and often asleep) at that stage.

Have a lovely time :)

[whizzyrocket]

Good to know that it can be done. I shall say all my prayers for an easy, on time baby!

Kit transportation shouldn't be an issue as our boot is huge (tbh it needs to be with our pram!) and dh is organised (God bless military men) but I really hope that I get this breast-feeding malarky sussed quickly and don't get a screamer! My baby-sleep book suggests that in the early weeks babies "sleep like a baby"- sounds nice but I'm not sure it's not complete bunk!

Thanks for the tip about the wrap-dress by the way. I've been having a look but they seem a bit thin on the ground- the only one I've found is in Boden and I'm not sure I'll like it. I like this www.fatface.com/skirts-and-dresses/audrey-jersey-dress/invt/31616/&bklist=icat,4,shop,womenswear,womensskirtsdresses but I would have had to have expressed milk, and my sister really didn't get on with doing that so I'm sceptical.

Oh dear, what a faff!

[whizzyrocket]

And Grumpla I agree. I've told my friend that she can use my kitchen to make her favours (she lives in the officer's mess at her RAF base) but that if she wants my help she'll have to catch me soon.

I think I am going to have to play things by ear. It being such a small low-key wedding makes it easier as I will just be able to ask her aunt if I can put babe's carry-cot in one of the bedrooms if he needs somewhere quiet. But still keep your fingers crossed for me that I have an "easy" portable little boy!

[mamsnet]

I like that dress! But you should wait and see how your figure is... My friend who had a section was miles away from her normal clothes at that point, for example.. Or if all goes well you could be comfortably back to close enough to your normal size..
Also, don't count on expressing so early.. It is too early, really.
I know I sound like a miserable git but I remember all the pressure I put myself under with these things and I genuinely feel your pain..

[bankholiday]

I would also say you can't really tell until after the birth. I wouldn't have been able to go to a wedding with my 1 month old DS. I had a difficult birth and was still recovering 4 weeks later, plus I was trying to get bf established and DS was feeding all the time, day and night. I was literally crying with exhaustion.

Sorry, I don't want to be a killjoy. It's true that babies are very portable though and your experience might be completely different from mine. Playing things by ear sounds like the best solution TBH.

[plinkplonk]

Jo Jo Maman Bebe does nice breastfeeding tops/dresses like this:

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sp+maternity-nursing-wrap-dresses-in-breastfeeding-tops-and-dresses+B4450

[oldenoughtowearpurple]

Our Best Man was a Best Woman, and her baby was 6weeks old on the day of our wedding. None of us had babies so none had the faintest idea what to expect or how mad this was. But it worked out brilliantly: baby was passed from doting granny to doting granny and Mum got her first chunk of really good sleep (and a trip to the pub) while grannies fought over the honour of babysitting.

Could all have been very different of course. But definitely worth a consideration.

[Sam100]

I went to DB's wedding with 4 week old baby (who was supposed to be 6 weeks but was 2 weeks late) - so bear in mind your 4 week old may only be a 2 week old if you go overdue! The wedding was fairly easy - he slept most of the way and only woke up at the end when they went off to register etc so I took him to the back of the church and fed him then. Reception was fine - everyone wanted a hold so I even got to eat my dinner!

Other than that the hardest part will be the journey down - very small babies should not really be in car seats for extended periods of time - if it is a 5 hour drive you will probably want to do it in 2 x 2.5 hour stints with an hour or so break on the way where you can take baby out - feed, change and put it down in a flat pram for a while. I would recommend planning to go down the day before so you are settled on the actual wedding day and not in a rush.

Wear - I think something like that Jojo dress would be brilliant brightened up with a gorgeous shawl or pashmina that you can use to wrap round if feeding. Only problem with normal wrap dresses is that when you unwrap them everything falls out! Breastfeeding ones aim to keep the rest of you covered whilst allowing you to feed. I would order in a couple of sizes nearer the time and send back the one that does not fit!

[Lovethesea]

Just warn the bride and groom to be that you may be a no show - or a show stealer! If they understand where your uncertainty is coming from then it won't be stressful for you to make a proper decision once you have all your information! Could be fine, I wouldn't have been able to make it ... DD was 2 weeks overdue, we had to stay in hospital for 6 days and I then needed to go in for outpatient follow up for some weeks.

Hope you have a great easy arrival and fun wedding!