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3y 4m old DS still biting and is too touchy with others, what to do?

(3 Posts)
confusedperson Wed 31-Aug-11 20:50:54

I am almost desperate. He used to bite and hit other children when he was 2-2.5yo, but seemingly grew out. Recently it started again. There might be reasons for that, like changing a childminder and me returning to work full-time. But still, this is not an excuse for biting and hitting. He bit and pushed my new childminder's daughter on several occasions. He sometimes threatens to hit and bite me, when upset about something, although I hold him firmly and not allow that. We just had an ad hoc nanny for two days, and he bit and pushed the nanny's children on several occasions, sometimes while just passing by.
It seems he does not manage his anger. He can talk very well though. I promised him a reward for no biting or hitting behaviour with nanny, but it didn't work. I admit my mistakes with him in the past - I think I disciplined him too much, nagging for too many things. Maybe he feels unloved? I have changed the strategy lately, doing a reward and praise system instead, but have not seen any results. Sometimes it seems that he does not care. He can take away other child's toy, the other child cries, and he laughs, and he does not care.
Also he likes touching other children heads. I think he has some sort of fetish for hair. Likes touching everyone's hair, and doesn't miss on occasion. Of course it is very annoying, even though it doesn't do any harm. He can touch his little brother's (10months) head like 100 times per day, and told off every time, never stops it. It is soo annoying. I don't know what to do.
I already can see him having a problem with his behaviour in preschool which he starts in few weeks time. I am afraid he will be that bad boy who will terrorize everyone. Help, help, what do to? I am very caring parent and I read parenting books, and try things that I find there, but haven't gone far and feel very helpless...

Sidalee7 Wed 31-Aug-11 22:17:04

Some children can not manage their anger - my ds1 has a friend who sounds very similar. I would say carry on with the praising good behaviour but would be wary of rewarding for not biting or hitting - more rewarding for being good if that makes sense?

Have you thought of buying an object he can bite or hit - like a stress ball? Something for him to vent his frustration on?

Also I would say is there anyway you can reduce your hours? It does sound like hes insecure and crying out for your attention.

confusedperson Wed 31-Aug-11 22:44:38

Oh god just read about oppositional defiant disorder and thought it seems applicable.. will have to read more.

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