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Creche problems again

(6 Posts)
WakeUpRosemary Mon 29-Aug-11 20:46:45

I posted a few months ago about an issue I had with my son's creche. He's 3.10 and had been bitten about three times in two weeks by a particular child. I was concerned that it had happened so many times. He told me who did it and I spoke to the manager to ask what kind of procedure they had in these cases. She wasn't particularly helpful and got quite defensive.

However, DS hasn't been bitten since and he's generally happy in the creche so I let it be.

Today he was bitten again. My DH picked him up and was told there had been another incident. He said, 'oh I hope we're not going through this again!' or something to that effect. He was told that it was a different child that had bitten DS.

We later asked DS in a light-hearted way who had bitten him. He said, 'their name is 'I don't know''. We'd been joking about something similar recently so I didn't think much of it. Then, just before he went to bed, he told me he'd been bitten. I asked who did it and he said, 'I can't tell you'. I paused for a second and said, 'Did someone tell you not to tell me?' and straight away he said, 'Yes' and told me the name of a carer in the creche. He didn't pause or smirk or laugh. He was very serious and I believe him.

I'm absolutely furious. It's not the biting I'm worried about. I know young children do it and I thought it had been sorted out. It's the fact that this woman put my DS in the position of lying to me. He looked so worried. I just told him that if someone tells him not to tell me something that he should tell me because it's my job to keep him safe. I let it go at that. He still hasn't told me who bit him so he's obviously a bit torn about things.

I've persuaded DH to come with me to the creche in the morning to confront them.

Am I over-reacting? I'd love to know what other people would do? I feel like I want to take him out of the creche altogether although he's been happy there for so long. I'm starting college in a few weeks. He'll only be in creche three days but I need to know he's safe and happy. I don't have much time to find him somewhere else so I need to decide soon.

Sorry this was very long.

AKMD Mon 29-Aug-11 21:27:42

Take him out asap. He isn't in a safe environment if a 'carer' is telling him to lie to his parents; that is absolutely shocking. I would be raising all he'll with them tomorrow and reporting the incident to OFSTED.

zulubump Mon 29-Aug-11 21:52:56

Hi, sorry to hear your poor DS has been bitten at creche, not nice for him or you. It might be worth just being a bit cautious asking for their side of the story before assuming too much. My dd is a similar age to your ds and she can come up with all sorts of convincing stories quite spontaneously, but a lot of it is fantasy. I remember a few months ago she had a toilet accident at her pre-school which she seemed quite upset about. I was a bit concerned and asked her a few questions about what happened and she ended up telling me that one of the workers had told her off! I got myself all worked up about it and worried, but the next day Dd had another accident and this time wasn't at all upset. In fact the worker she named as telling her off was laughing about how she'd asked my Dd if she needed the toilet and she'd replied "no. I'll just go in my pants!". I think if you suggest something to a child at that age, such as "Did someone tell you not to tell me" they'll often go along with your story.

I'd be surprised if properly trained staff would ask a child to lie about something like that. But you are very much in your rights to demand to know what the procedure is when other children are biting your Ds and what is being done when it occurs.

WakeUpRosemary Mon 29-Aug-11 22:05:27

Thanks! I'm wavering between looking for scalps and being reasonable.
I've taken this over to AIBU as there's more traffic there. Thread is called 'AIBU to go ballistic and/or take DS out of creche'

zulubump Mon 29-Aug-11 22:14:53

Good luck whatever approach you decide to take and hope it all works out!

nannyl Tue 30-Aug-11 08:26:28

OMG

YaNBU

how dare they "teach" your child to lie to his parents, and you are right that that alone is far more serious than the biting, which tbh by the 4th bite is also unacceptable.

Make a huge fuss, they are so wrong.

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