DS 6.5yr old very independant, outgoing, sociable, BUT very clingy to me...is it an age thing, advice please?

[clottedcream]

as i says my DS is a very sociable fella, makes friend easy, chatty, etc... but he is so clingy to me at the moment, hates going to bed on his own, upstairs to the toilet, or even hates me being in a different room to him.

He seems to fret, is scared of whatever I dont know

Is it an age thing perhaps? He starts a new class/new teacher in Sept and I know I will have trouble as alot of his friends are staying in their current class/with his current teacher.

[clottedcream]

oh dear...Im the only one then :(

[anangel]

No! You aren't alone. We've just been through something similar with our ds prior to birth of ds2. He's younger admittedly - 4.5 - but we saw a big change in him. he's SUPER outgoing and independent but became very needy of me, wanting me to put him to bed instead of dad, upset at kindy drop off, even melting down when I went out to swimming in the morning, all very unlike him. Oh yes and needing his bum wiped etc etc. We all stressed out over it massively, but here's how I would deal with it given the time again (hehe).

The good news is that now ds2 is 5 weeks old, things have really settled down and he is back to his independent self. phew. I wish I'd known that 2 months ago! I also wish I'd been more accepting of his feelings, trusting that it would pass. I was quite hard on him, thinking "well, you're going to have to get used to me not being available".

When children are being clingy, they are expressing a need, probably for reassurance - you are in the best position to work out exactly what he's needing emotionally. Allow him space to talk about it, if it feels comfortable - you may together be able to identify specific concerns he has, and work out what you can do to support him through the change into a new class. He may not be a talker (mine wasn't til after the fact), which is fine too. On this front, I've just finished "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" which is great for fostering independence in kids while accepting their emotional needs.

Remember that wonderful calming effect that being near mummy has - its magic medicine for them! So as much as you can give of yourself, knowing that you are medicine and you are not spoiling him, give away. And then be clear about your boundaries. If its not convenient at a particular time (and you might want to review "convenient" for a while), make it clear that there will be times he can indulge himself in you. Build his trust, allow him some babying - especially as he's basically confident, outgoing, you KNOW that he has a good foundation that he will return to when he feels safe again.

Hope this helps.....

[clottedcream]

wow ... wonderful advice :) thank you

Bed times are the usual time for him to off load...I dotn have any friends, no one likes me at school, I dont want you to die Mummy, I want to stay with you forever and always (they visited a church/graveyard before term ended!)

Im sure in a few years I will be posting "My DS doesnt need me anymore"! :(

[anangel]

so glad that was useful! yeah, enjoy the snuggles while you can :-)

best of luck!!

ps just thought - they are supposed to take a step forward at 7 aren't they - perhaps this is partly what's going on too? Anyway all the best!