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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Discipline for 6 year old boys... Come tell me your consequences for bad behaviour

64 replies

CharlieBoo · 26/08/2011 22:00

Hi, just wanted some ideas really as being sent to his room is not really working for our 6 year old ds. I know our problems with him aren't huge (the usual asking him to get dressed 20 times, to come to the dinner table no fighting with his sister etc.) Mainly the not listening and cheekiness is driving us crazy!!

We've always sent him to his to his room in the past but it's not an effective consequence as in he's not overly bothered and the behaviour continues. Dp always makes empty threats i.e were not going to grandparents at the weekend ( we don't see them often as we live far away from them so he knows once we've arranged it, we will go.)

Any ideas? What do you guys do?

OP posts:

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triskaidekaphile · 26/08/2011 22:05

Take away tv/nintendo/computer time?
Take away toys?
Don't let him play out for set period of time?

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bigTillyMint · 26/08/2011 22:10

Take away TV /vomited, etc time in increments of 5 mins. DS hated this and still hates it at 10. Even 5mins seems like ages. But our DC only have an hours TV a day anyway, so I guess that makes it more precious!

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frasersmummy · 26/08/2011 22:10

we ground our 6 year old.. no playing out or having friends in our garden

He hates being stuck in

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ClaimedByMe · 26/08/2011 22:12

Grounding and removing his ds really affects my 6yo ds, you have to find his weakness, what bothers him most and use that and follow through!

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Carrotsandcelery · 26/08/2011 22:13

We make our ds stand on the back step, rain or shine. We have learnt not to let the dog outside at the same time or they just play. Ds hates it as he is separated from the rest of the household.

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Popbiscuit · 26/08/2011 22:13

Yes; I'd second the grounding. My 6 year old son is slightly obsessed with socializing at the moment so telling him he can't play out/have friends over is a devastating consequence. Sending him to his room/removing toys has lost it's power...

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Popbiscuit · 26/08/2011 22:15

BTW, OP, your son sounds exactly like mine.

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ghostofstalbans · 26/08/2011 22:15

hope you're joking carrots?

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CharlieBoo · 26/08/2011 22:17

Thankyou... I guess it's finding something that he loves and maybe nvolving that. His one love is football... Plays once a week for a team and is always in the garden playing football. He adores drawing too. He likes the telly and dsi but it wouldn't kill him to not have them. Mmmmm maybe something with football then. I dint think the holidays help though... He has so much energy! Got him booked on a football course for the mornings next week as he's so much better with some activities.

OP posts:

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bodiddly · 26/08/2011 22:24

sounds like my ds CharlieBoo. I have found that there isn't any one thing he is passionate enough about that bothers him if I take it away as punishment. He likes his ds and tv but is used to not having them during hte week in term time. He doesnt really play with toys so that's no threat and I can't really take away drawing etc. I have now come to the conclusion that bribery works best. He gets a reward if he behaves for a certain length of time. Nothing official just when he gets silly and needs re-focusing.

I have also found his please and thank yous have been missing recently so now say no immediately if he asks for tv/food/drink/basically anything if he doesnt say please automatically. It has worked wonders in a week!

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nitnatnaboo · 26/08/2011 22:26

We take away various bits of lego as he's a lego obsessive, or dock some of his pocket money.

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Carrotsandcelery · 26/08/2011 22:27

ghost no I am not joking.

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CharlieBoo · 26/08/2011 22:36

Right. Had a good think and talk with dp. He loves his football
Mags and gets at least one a week that I pick up with the food shop. He also adores Moshi monsters. So we have said he no longer just gets a mag or time on computer, he has to earn them with good behaviour, if not then he doesn't get... What do you think?

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Carrotsandcelery · 26/08/2011 22:38

Encouraging him to earn his magazines is a great idea. Very positive, rather than focusing on the negatives.

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ghostofstalbans · 26/08/2011 22:41

what's the limit your child would be left out in the rain?

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Carrotsandcelery · 26/08/2011 22:44

6 minutes if he doesn't calm down and apologise before that time is up. Usually just pointing out what will happen and the fact it is raining is enough to make him rethink.

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ghostofstalbans · 26/08/2011 23:05

i'm pretty sure that could be classed as abuse

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Carrotsandcelery · 26/08/2011 23:14

I don't really think so ghost. It is a glass door and a glass wall so he can see us and we can see him. He would play out in the rain very happily. We have a very close and loving relationship.

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hiddenhome · 27/08/2011 16:33

classed as abuse ghostofstalbans? I think you need to get out more.

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baguettecut · 27/08/2011 16:38

You have my son!!! Seriously, taking away his Wii time has a good effect.

I know your pain....!

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ghostofstalbans · 27/08/2011 18:59

get out more? back at you!

i just think it's pretty awful to leave a child standing outside in the rain!

sorry to have that opinion!

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hayleysd · 27/08/2011 19:06

Sounds just like my 6 year old ds but also nothing is ever his fault (usually his little brothers)

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MrsBaggins · 27/08/2011 19:13

CharlieBoo
How do you go about for example getting him to get dressed .
I found it very effective to give 2 chances and then if still not doing what I asked marching them off to get dressed .So following through rather than asking repeatedly.
They learn PDQ that you do mean business and eventually just do it as they know you will make them iyswim.

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EndoplasmicReticulum · 27/08/2011 19:15

Surprised that letting 6 year olds get wet is classed as abuse.

We take away DS / ipod time (it's my ipod anyway, I hardly ever get to play with it).

This summer we came up with a "points" system. Points can be earned for good behaviour such as getting dressed on first request, clearing table, sharing etc., and lost for swearing, hitting brother, etc. This works well with mine as he is obsessed with maths, he helped me to draw up the lists of things which earn and lose points. We fill in a table, at the end of the week pocket money is linked to number of points.

The bonus for this for me is some weeks I hardly have to pay him anything at all! Downside is I have to travel with a notebook.

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booyhoo · 27/08/2011 19:21

standing in the rain for 6 minutes is not child abuse!!

child comes in, says sorry and goes to change. a consequence of not behaving respectfully within the environment you are in means you ae not welcome in that environment. it is a logical consequence to his behaviour.

however OP, my son i 6 also and for the past two months i have really struggled with him, giving him consequences,confiscating favourite things etc. i decided to ignore as much as possible of the naughty behaviour and start rewarding the good. he gets a sticker on his chart everytime he does something we value in our house. (helping with housework/being polite to everyone/being kind to his brother/sharing etc). he then gets 5p for every sticker he has at bedtime, everyday. his behavior has improved drastically. i am not dreading every single day now and i feel like a tting my lovely son back. there is no more screaming (from either of us) and he isn't trying to get my attentionby being naughty as he is getting plenty for being good.

punishment does not work for my son, postive reinforcement does. i know all children are different though so it may not be the same for you.

good luck