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opinions please?

(5 Posts)
crazyhayz Thu 25-Aug-11 15:13:04

hi guys,

basically i need your opinions on this. i had depression for a couple of years which got worse after having my son, i came out of a very mentally abusive relationship 6 months ago and felt loads better but the depression was still there as i found it difficult being on my own especially with a child, but i couldnt bear another minute with my ex as he treated me so badly. i ended up letting my 2.5 year old son go live with him (regrettably), cos i thought my son would be happier with him as i wasnt enjoying motherhood at the time due to the depression. my ex was very controlling and now has stopped me seeing my son, saying im not mentally fit basically lol, even though im completely off my medication and im absolutely fine and healthy now. i havent seen my son in over 2 months and cry myself to sleep every single night. ive heard hes not being a good dad, doesnt bath him, he palms him off to his mum everyday and goes round his mates leaving his 65 yr old mum to look after him who is really ill. hes only letting me have contact through a contact centre supervised and of course i am fighting this and if he doesnt compromise on shared visitation then i will have no choice but to take him to court. but what i want to know is, my son will be 3 in october, i havent seen him once for over 2 and a half months, do you think my son will know who i am when i go this weekend to the contact centre?

i have to go to mediation in september but i cant see my ex agreeing to anything i say cos hes the type to deliberatly go against anything just to spite me, its so unfair on my son though i cant believe hes doing this to him, putting him through not seeing his mum, my son has apparently been crying for me ive heard through the grapevine, it upsets me so much. hes not got legal custody or anything so i know he cant really keep him away from me but theres nothing i can do cos i technically allowed him to live with him, so the only way i can get visitation or anything is to go through a solicitor. im just so upset that my son isnt going to know me sad please help, do u think he will?

attheendoftheday Thu 25-Aug-11 18:03:40

I've no experience but didn't want to read and run.

I'd give the mediation a try, could you suggest supervised contact if your ex is questioning your parenting? It sounds like you might need to go through a solicitor and court for a proper visitation arrangement, but that can take time.

crazyhayz Thu 25-Aug-11 19:22:07

Yeah im seeking solicitor already, and i will go to mediation but im not the one who needs to be mediated! lol... im being compromising! Hes acting like he really cares about our son but he clearly doesnt to be doing this.. makes me feel so bad and i regret giving him to him sooo bad sad

Does anyone know if they think he wont know who i am?? Im so worried, if he doesnt recognise me i think i will just break down when im there sad

BlueArmyGirl Thu 25-Aug-11 20:07:15

Hey crazyhayz

I am sure he will recognise you. I don't like near my family but my Dn, who has just turned 3, knows who I am and knows when my sister says 'Aunty..... is coming today' or 'we're going to meet aunty .....' who I am. Sometimes she can be a bit shy to begin with, though recently I have noticed that this has improved, and within minutes she's acting like her usual self.

Obviously it's a bit different because you are his Mum and you're not meeting him in a place he is necessarily comfortable, so may take him a bit longer to warm up but it's unlikely that he won't not know who you are.

fumblebuck Thu 25-Aug-11 23:02:33

crazyhayz, I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. These emotional abusers can be so convincing can't they. But please try and stay strong and keep ploughing on through the "right" channels.... hopefully, good will overcome in the end..... I think getting a good solicitor is the right place to start. See if you can find one experienced in the DV/EA/family area. TV Edwards spring to mind?

Mediation may well turn out to be futile - I've read on other threads that it's not always appropriate in DV/EA situations - but if it's free (do you qualify for public funding?) and you feel somewhat reassured by the presence of a third party then have you got anything to lose. Try it, you can always bin it if he gets too aggressive.

Keep focussed on your goal of re-establishing that bond, that relationship, with your son and hopefully that will give you the drive and the determination to get through this.


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