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8 year age gap between children. Experience?

(14 Posts)
Alisonjayjay Wed 24-Aug-11 12:13:04

I am currently the mother of a boy who is 7 in a few weeks. We've also been trying to conceive for a few months now. A lot of my friends have more than one child but the majority have a small age gap between their children, maybe one/two/three years. In a perfect world I'd have loved to have my children closer together, but obviously my DS is getting older now and I'd really love to have another baby in the family, ideally before he is a teenager and I'm too old!! Have any of you other parents had experience of having this size age gap between children. How did your older child cope with the new baby and how did you cope yourself?

wearenotamused Wed 24-Aug-11 13:50:27

We will have basically 6 years (DS will be 1mnth off being 6 when DC is born) so not 8 years but it is definatly bigger than friends and family have between there children (usually 18mnth to 3 years)

We waited for many reasons (i'm only 29 and that is one of the reasons) But it is more complex than that as well with us. But realised that we didn't want a REALLY big age gap between them and for him to be 'stuck out there' in front of any other ones (DH is already trying to convince me of DC3 when DC2 aint even out yet) Also DH didn't want to be too old (he's 36) by the time second (and third if he gets his way) was born.

As yet don't know how we will cope. DS is really excited (well as long as it's DS2) I suppose it will be easier in one way as he will be in school full time also he can 'help'. As he will be in school me and DH know that we will have too make sure it is not very very baby orientated when he is home (as anyone would do no matter what the age gap).
But then they will not always be able to do the same activities eg because height and interests. There is a big difference between 10/11 and 5.
I'm guessing that DS will be very much a big brother esp when they are older (21 and 15) but yet they will eventually be at the same 'stage' (36 and 30) or just one behind them eg Uni and school.

Okay that wasn't much help probably but we will see how it goes. At the end of the day that sort of age gap will be fine. (well that is what we are telling each other)

Good luck.

Atwaroverscrabble Wed 24-Aug-11 16:51:45

Dh and i have children from previous relationships and so our dd (21 months) has a 16 year old sister and a 12 year old brother. Both adore her and ds plays with dd alot! He still has a small child mentality at time which is fab and dd looks up to him!

Practically its ok, they help out a little and understood when i was tired etc but i started to enjoy the freedom an older child gives you and suddenly thats gone! I need to make sure i make time for ds but it generally works ok

Ray81 Wed 24-Aug-11 17:25:53

We have an 8 yr age gap. 2 DDs and it is lovely we had no problems at all other then DD2 gets fed up with being cuddled by DD1 all the time smile.
It was very easy as DD1 could do an awful lot for herself so i could concentrate on DD2 alittle more then i would have been able to if she was younger. In contrast we are now expecting DC3 and will hav only a 22 month gap and i am dreading it. smile

Alisonjayjay Wed 24-Aug-11 18:22:57

Thanks for the advice. My DS is not yet very interested in the idea of a new baby in the family, but I'm hoping he will come round to the idea if and when I get pregnant. I have been on the pill since my DS was born so I'm guessing it'll take my body a while to get back to normal.

ComeAlongPond Wed 24-Aug-11 19:32:50

There's a 7 year age gap between my youngest brother and I. Probably slightly different because I have a sister and a brother, two years older and two years younger than me, but it's fine for us smile It gave him chances to act 'grown up' sometimes, and me a chance to be more childish sometimes too! We have a great relationship, even though the age gap is quite big.

Good luck!

Dialsmavis Wed 24-Aug-11 21:30:28

7 year 11 months age gap between DS and DD (9 months) and I absolutely love it! DS wasn't bothered about a sibling and specifically stated only a brother would be acceptable.... he completely adores DD and is a brilliant help. I get all day at home with DD which is lovely. I tried to get DD sorted with a bed time ASAP and for the last few months goes down at 6.30pm meaning I get a good hour with DS to play a game, read etc. I was worried that as they would be half siblings DS would be jealous but it has worked out really well. I could never have afforded nursery fees for two at once anyway! We just make a big effort to still do cinema etc with DS and dump DD on Granny for an hour or two to do so.

Poshbaggirl Wed 24-Aug-11 21:40:00

7 yr gap, 2x DDs. No worries. Theres issues whatever you do! I didnt think i could love another, but of course did. They are very different, older one now 18 just like her Dad, younger one 11 tmrw, just like me. I was sad that i lost the special closeness i had had with DD1, but now shes older she just wants to be free of me and indepedent. It is a bit like having 2 only children now if you see what i mean.
Good luck with ttc!

TryLikingClarity Thu 25-Aug-11 13:53:39

From a different pov there is an 8 year gap between myself and my DB.

Mum struggled with fertility after she had me, and my bro ended up being 8 years younger.

Now were are adults we are close and have interests in common. I think DM struggled a bit when we were children as she tried to occupy me and also look after DB as a baby and toddler.

But overall, she was so glad when DB was born and we are a tight and loving family smile

LikeACandleButNotQuite Thu 25-Aug-11 17:42:44

I am the elder sibling in a 7 year age gap, one sis. Felt great, was like being an only child, and then when my sister came along, I was too busy playing out etc to be jealous!

Parents were adamant never to insist I take care of her, or have her 'tag along' with my friends, for which I was very grateful. Similarly, we were never allowed into the others bedroom without being invited in. I was never asked to babysit, but would offer on the nights I felt inclined. If I didn't offer, a relative would babysit my sister and I would be able to come and go as I please.

Once I hit teens, it could get a bit 'testy' in the house as we didn't have our own TVs, so would argue about what we wanted to watch in the Living Room, but then that only lasted a couple of years. Now I have moved out, we have a brilliant, low maintenance friendship.

I would want similar for my own LO's, if these things coudl be guaranteed.

bumpsoon Thu 25-Aug-11 21:43:35

I have a 8 year age gap between ds1 and dd1 and another 8 years between dd1 and ds2 . The hardest thing is finding something to oocupy everyone on holiday .

eandemum Thu 25-Aug-11 22:53:59

I have a 7 1/2 yr gap between DS (13) and DD (5).
Why? DS was a very 'difficult' baby/toddler and I couldn't have coped with another one.
One thing I was surprised about was they amount of squabbling they do!!
I thought this would only happen with siblings close in age hmm
DD has grown up quicker having an older brother.
Yes, finding things for them to do can be a bit trying sometimes - but usually works out ok.
For us this has worked out great, but I'm sure there are pros/cons to all the differing age gaps!
Good Luck!

TheSugarPlumFairy Fri 26-Aug-11 10:44:28

DSD is 8 and DD is 17 months. I was a bit worried how DSD would adapt to having a baby sister but she has absolutely embraced the idea and is a great help actually now that DD is fully mobile and into everything.

DD absolutely idolises her big sister. I have renamed them both Monkey See and Monkey Do as everything DSD does, DD tries to copy. We do keep DD out of DSD room as she does tend to wreck havoc upon DSD's carefully lined up barbies/teddies/my little ponies etc but DSD has been great at passing on old toys that DD can have that she doesnt want anymore, much to DD's delight.

Overall i would say the age gap has worked quite well for us. It may be different in the future when DSD is a stoppy teenager and DD is a tween. time will tell.

pinkthechaffinch Fri 26-Aug-11 12:00:21

Ds is 9.6 and dd is 2.6

yes they argue a lot and dd is often to be found trying to bite him or hit his with a cuddly toy, and trying to get into his room and play with his lego and p.c

<sigh>

but it was very easy when she was a baby

there has been very little jealousy, so far, and they are very close and affectionate.

DD loves playing with ds and his friends and the school run is one of the highlights of her day.

From ds' point of view- yes she can be a pain and a 'selfish bully' as he calls her but he spends a lot of time laughing with her as well.

So, ups and downs, mostly ups smile.

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