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I want to be a patient, non-shouty mummy. How?

(10 Posts)
toptramp Mon 22-Aug-11 21:00:00

Instead of which I am an impatient shouty mum. I am single and probably a bit bitter about this and also mu mum has just died. I love dd to distraction but I don't enjoy parenting. I resent the loss of freedom. I love the days out with dd but hate any kind of parenting around the house as she just makes a huge mess which I have to clear up. I am trying to get her to clean up her own mess but as she is only 3 this is a tall order.

PonceyMcPonce Mon 22-Aug-11 21:02:21


Grieving and parenting at the same time is hard. Wish I had better advice, but I found, and find it hard not to be shouty, especially after losing my mum.

pamplemousserose Mon 22-Aug-11 21:04:46

Pretend to be angry, act it out then you stay in control.

Ivortheengine8 Mon 22-Aug-11 21:06:02

I'm quite shouty atm as I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I get frustrated too with dd and her mess but she is slowly learning to clean up after herself. I don't think it's a tall order. Mine is just 22 months and I want to teach her now to clean up after herself because I am bloody fed up of running around all day doing it for her!

LemonDifficult Mon 22-Aug-11 21:09:48

This weekend a 'Parent Confidence' workshop leader told me that it takes 16 times longer for a child to process a request than it does an adult. Try not to take it personally when DCs don't respond to your requests quickly - they aren't just doing it to piss you off.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Mine died two years ago and It really affected my parenting and I was short tempered and distracted for a while but I found it didn't last.

toptramp Mon 22-Aug-11 21:27:11

Hi all. I just don't get why I am so shouty over things thta aren't really a big deal. I guess the mess gets me down most of all. I would love being a mum so much more if there wasn't so much drugery invoolved. I really resent the drugery.

Ivortheengine8 Mon 22-Aug-11 21:32:15

tt you are going through a hard time, on your own with a 3 year old. I toally get it. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think all mums go through times like this as it is even if they don't admit it here on mumsnet. grin

RunningOutOfIdeas Mon 22-Aug-11 21:35:09

I also wish I wasn't so shouty. For me, being tired after work really doesn't help. DD is also 3. She can tidy up when I catch her in the right mood but she can also make a huge mess at lightening speed. I have found that having large plastic boxes for her toys helps. At the end of the day I can simply scoop everything off the floor into a box and put it out of my sight. I may not have really got the toys properly away but at least I don't have to see the mess.

Sleepglorioussleep Mon 22-Aug-11 22:36:26

Think triggers for shouting and get rid of any you can. For me, I can do little about tiredness at the mo ( 7 week old dd2 sees to that) and the children's mess only to a certain extent. But if I eat frequently and make sure I keep my stuff tidy I can stand half a chance of not shouting most days. And believe me, I used to shout a lot. I went to gp in the end who ruled out Pnd but said I could use some counselling over issues with my family, and I realised that was triggering anger and shouting, even though I wasn't aware. It's horrible being shouty-you can't immediately help it and yet you know dc feel sad which makes you feel guilty, which for me then made me even more likely to shout. It isn't your fault though-lots of people have different stresses in their lives which make them more able to cope calmly with their day. If I had lots of self confidence, shed loads of money and help I daresay I wouldn't shout at all. Hope you find your triggers.

stressheaderic Mon 22-Aug-11 22:43:04

I'm shouty too and I hate myself for it. The worst thing is I'm with kids all day (teacher) and I'm patient, calm and quiet there, but with my own - I just lose it. I totally get you OP, it's the drudgery of it. You get up in the morning and just see a day of thinking of meals, cooking, tidying away, chasing, arguing, persuading and chastising stretching ahead of you.
Huge sympathies - I wish I could answer your question.

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