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What is your favourite parenting book?

(23 Posts)
Lovefruitsandvegs Sat 20-Aug-11 12:03:37

I need a book which could help me to set certain rules in my family. Even though there is a need for a husband parenting book but this is rather hopeless. So, I need one book which could make my kids well-behaved and loose all those tantrums especially in the public. Listen to me when I say so.
What can you recommend?
Thanks so much.

LaLaLaLayla Sat 20-Aug-11 12:06:35

Elizabeth Pantley: "Kid Co-operation". Would highly recommend.

LaLaLaLayla Sat 20-Aug-11 12:07:07

Also, the CD's by Noel Janis-Norton.

MagnumIcecreamAddict Sat 20-Aug-11 12:07:47

The one I've liked most is How to Talk which I find valuable in work life as well as home life!

Don't think any book will offer all the answers though I'm afraid!

Lovefruitsandvegs Sat 20-Aug-11 12:08:49

What about Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers?

Have you seen the changes when applying the rules taken from the mentioned books?

Lovefruitsandvegs Sat 20-Aug-11 12:12:00

I see that How to talk has very good reviews.
Lots of literature but I want something which is sensible and does make parenting easier.
I see sometimes other kids are so polite and well-mannered and I feel so frustrated that mine are not like that. I am a strict parent but sometimes I feel helpless.

Lovefruitsandvegs Sat 20-Aug-11 12:12:31

My kids are almost three and six.

LaLaLaLayla Sat 20-Aug-11 12:14:37

I saw enormous changes in our home life after applying some of the strategies offered by Elizabeth and Noel. The answers are out there, you just need to find them then apply them.

BertieBotts Sat 20-Aug-11 12:25:58

They're always more polite and well-mannered n public than they are at home, though. People are always complimenting me on how well-mannered DS is but they haven't seen him some days when he is, hmm, less co-operative! Generally children will reflect the way that you speak to them. If you use please and thank you in your everyday speech to them from a very young age, they will pick it up and use it automatically as well. If you don't like the way they ask you to do things, look at the way you ask them to do things. You mention your husband as well - if he is not being respectful in his behaviour towards them or you, they will pick up on that as well.

Tantrums are a developmental thing I think. They only become behavioural if children learn that they can use them to manipulate. I'd expect a three year old to tantrum because their emotions are still that overwhelming to them - not so much a six year old, but perhaps if very tired or something.

I do second How To Talk - it's great for communication strategies, not only with children, but with adults too smile

lolalotta Sat 20-Aug-11 12:44:11

I second Elizabeth Pantley, there is an updated version of kid-coperation called "the no-cry disipline solution", it's FAB!!!!

BertieBotts Sat 20-Aug-11 12:50:33

I was just looking at those, and wondered if they were the same book! smile

poppyboo Sat 20-Aug-11 15:24:53

You can't go wrong with 'The no-cry discipline solution' by Elizabeth Pantley (Gentle ways to encourage good behaviour without whining,tantrums and tears)
Fantastic book!!! Probably updated bits from some/all of her previous books.
I read her book Kid Cooperation before this one, and there are some similar things.
It really is brilliant, especially the 'calm down bunny' for calming down my 3 yr old in a full blown tantrum! It really works!

Lovefruitsandvegs Fri 02-Sep-11 13:33:00

I have just started reading the How to Talk book. I hope It will help me to become a better parent when it comes to managing my kidssmile and if not I will have to buy another book suggested by kind parents.
Thank you everyone for your suggestions!

Daisy1986 Sun 04-Sep-11 20:47:11

Can you access a Webster stratton course? Thats exactly what it covers and is brilliant. Alternatively accompanying books can be found an amazon.

plinkplonk Sun 04-Sep-11 21:14:07

I like 'the negotiation generation' - single most useful tip is 'if you can predict it you can prevent it'

DadsMightFly Tue 06-Sep-11 20:44:15

I'd just like to mention Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen - it's probably not what you're looking for, since it's about using connection rather than discipline, but it is my favourite parenting book, and I think it has saved me from an enormous amount of frustrating trench warfare in bringing up a DS who certainly relates well - so far - to teachers, playmates and other adults.

Fuzzled Tue 06-Sep-11 20:50:11

Second for Playful Parenting.

Reading it now, and already DS is much calmer as I'm sillier IYSYIM. He's only 11mo, but I'm adapting stuff. Brilliant book.

InmaculadaConcepcion Tue 06-Sep-11 20:57:08

Yes to How To Talk... and Playful Parenting - both very helpful books with some great techniques to encourage the LOs to co-operate without loads of yelling/punitive approaches etc.

Can I also add a vote for the Positive Discipline books - again, they're about effectively encouraging co-operation etc. without throwing your weight about too much. If you like the ethos of the two books mentioned above, I'd say this would also suit your parenting style.

planetpotty Tue 06-Sep-11 21:00:03

Sleeping sorted - it's a book

I buy it for all new mums very very good smile

Sleepglorioussleep Tue 06-Sep-11 22:32:57

How to talk changed my life. It saved me from being a horrible, shouty mum to one who is not perfect but understands herself and her children better. I loved it especially because it didn't seem to expect perfection from me nor imply that we were doomed if that wasn't achieved all the time from the day of birth.

pipkin35 Wed 07-Sep-11 09:18:16

I'd 2nd Playful Parenting. Also, read Unconditional Parenting. Playful Parenting has completely changed the relationships I have with my DCs. DS is failr 'compliant', but never gives much eye contact, seemingly can never play on his own etc....and at 3.9 yrs I'd like him to be able too. He's also not very 'physical' and prefers watching TV....but not since I've read that book and tried to implement the info in there. Now, there's more eye contact, repsonding to me much better...frequent spontaneous declarations of love and always now requesting me to read him at least 1 bedtime story (OH used to always do this) it's a really amazing change in him. Nursery commented on it and asked what had happned at home for him to be behaving so differently. There wasn't that much to 'fix' but I was feeling that we were 'drifiting' since I also have a demanding DD (16 months younger)who is a tantrum monster. Playful Parenting is also helping with her - not as noticable as with DS but definate improvment, but it was more the Unconditonal Parenting techniques with her - she has less 'fits', and when they occur since I'm dealing with them differently, they are at least shorter lived. Both fascinating books. Although, I must admit I'm more exhausted!!! grin

Lovefruitsandvegs Wed 07-Sep-11 10:26:34

Thank you for the comments and support!

I am reading this book and a bit angry that my parents did not have access to such useful information. I hated so much about them. My mum was always moaning about her life (it was hard indeed) but I felt as it was all my fault. Also she used to say that all kids behave like normal kids but we did not. She loves us a lot, I know, but I think she took it from her mother. My dad was not really caring. He wanted us to obey. Now I read this book and think I need to change for better. I would also be happy if my DH could read it too. He is not a very good (often very bad) listener. It is sometimes frustrating that he cannot listen properly to what I or our kids say.
I also noticed that food plays a good role in my kids behaviour. Some biscuits or desserts contain bad sugar or other yucky ingredients which makes them irritable with tantrums. I try not to buy such food. In my experience if your child does not eat fish and meat it is helpful to take Omega-3 and multivitamins. They help to bring in some balance. Hot food should be present in their daily lives too. Another thing that children, need activities. They need to run around otherwise they get bored and then get tantrums as a result.

DadsMightFly Wed 07-Sep-11 10:46:18

Best of luck - it's a bit of a lurch, realising that there are things about your parents' parenting that you absolutely do not want to repeat, whoever much they loved you and you love them, but you're not the only one who has come to that realisation.

Don't worry too much about DH right now - [1] it may well be he'll absorb more from watching you in action than from listening (poorly) to you, and [2] the book you've chosen (which I also think is great) may help on that talking and listening front too.

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