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I'm going to have to do the birds and the bees conversation

(16 Posts)
create Thu 18-Aug-11 18:39:54

DS1 is 10. My plan was always to answer questions honestly when they arose, but I can honestly say they never have. He's never asked where babies come from, he's never made any inappropriate comment when seeing me naked, never commented on people snogging, or (as I did) talked about "sexing"

I can't send him into without a clue can I? So how to go about it? I'm not embarassed about it, but don't want to tell him more than he needs, or make it seem like a really big deal.

No point asking DH to do it. He'll agree, but it won't happen.

Besom Thu 18-Aug-11 18:46:18

Don't you think he probably knows already?

But he's 10, so very able to understand it all. Get a book maybe, as a discussion point?

create Thu 18-Aug-11 18:48:50

meant, can't send him into yr 6

Maybe Besom, but he is quite young for his age, although some of his friends aren't. I did ask him if he's been taught anything about it at school, but he says not and even that didn't rasie any questions.

CrosswordAddict Thu 18-Aug-11 18:52:23

Find a book and leave it where he can't help but read it? Or if he is not very nosey (unlike most kids) then play a dvd and watch it with him

LoveMyGirls Thu 18-Aug-11 18:54:04

I wouldn't assume he already knows.

I have a dd so it's easier than a ds probably but I would either buy him a basic book like [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Works-Usborne-Childrens-World/dp/0746023006 this]] and then once he has had chance to look at it I would have a chat with him about it via msn. I had a chat with my dd on msn the other day (she was in her room on laptop and I was down stairs) and it was much easier than talking face to face but very fast communication and she could ask me anything without it being awkward. I don't know if she did but she could have also copy and pasted what I'd said into a word doc to refer to later if she wanted to, to save asking me again.

I am honest without going into the finer details.

Good luck.

LoveMyGirls Thu 18-Aug-11 18:54:57

fgs how many years on mn and i get a link wrong

festi Thu 18-Aug-11 18:59:58

I would assume he knows tbh, just ask him? if he doesnt tell him if he does ask what he knows make sure he is factually corect and move on. you need to talk to him about drugs aswell at this age IMHO.

Besom Thu 18-Aug-11 19:03:55

That looks a good book LoveMyGirls. Gives you OP something to start a discussion with and gage what he does and doesn't know, or correct anything he has wrong.

festi Thu 18-Aug-11 19:05:52

amazing what they get wrong at 6 my dn anounced he know how grown ups have sex...he said the man puts his willy up the ladies bum...lol. my sister had to do much correcting of facts.

create Thu 18-Aug-11 21:52:11

Exactly festi - even if he "knows" I need to make sure he knows right.

Drugs, we have talked about - he has very strong anti views on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol - DH and I get lectured if we open a bottle with Sunday lunch!

Thank you for that link LoveMyGirls - just what I need, he loves books

BlueArmyGirl Sun 21-Aug-11 18:27:34

My ds (10 yo) has had quite a comprehensive sex ed programme at school,..it would seem. I have found it quite frustrating - not that he learns about it, but that we get very little detail as a matter of course -a s far as I am concerned it's my job to teach it and school's job to reinforce not the other way round!

Having said that he has a few friends with older siblings so has learnt some 'choice' stuff already - that's peeved me more!!!!

Irca Tue 23-Aug-11 02:23:09

I found my 7y old ds looking at "naked girls" short videos on You Tube. Unfortunately can't get parental lock on Ipad.... Isn't this early?!? What shall I do? I thought kids are not interested in this till later....?

Slur Tue 23-Aug-11 03:21:10

By ten is it safe to assume they have heard/seen/know something. The trouble with holding off educating yourself is that it doesn't stop education happening - it just comes from somewhere else.

I'd say get more active and be brave and start the conversation yourself, it is a bit harder the older they get because they have picked up on false embarrassment from peers etc but no matter you're all grown up and capable and everfin' grin

Random tips I probably stole from somewhere in an MN book:

If you're embarrassed to start the convo, OR you think he might feel awkward do it while doing something else. I.e. start a conversation while watching tv or doing washing up. That way you don't need to make it a Bigger Thing than it has already become.

Decide beforehand what terms/labels you will use (I'd opt for precise personally but there are threads and threads on that topic on here)

Let yourself off answering questions you're not sure about. Have a stock phrase "hmm good question, I'm not sure, let's come back to that" or whatever. Think of it as an opening chat not an encyclopaedic session.
---

As an aside, surely all children are interested in bodies. Because they have them. It's not weird, it would be weird not to be. I don't think 7 is early to wonder what other people's bodies are like and I would imagine your son (Irca) is curious rather than anything else.

Highlander Tue 23-Aug-11 12:17:07

DS1 is nearly 7 and just will not entertain the thought of talking about girls/boys/sex etc etc. I'm gutted, got a great book and everything wink

He huffed and said he knew that dad gave mum the seed and it grew into a baby in mums tummy then it shot out of the baby tunnel between mum's legs.

Shot out. Hmm

girlywhirly Tue 23-Aug-11 14:16:46

Definitely get a book or books. Read them yourself first, as they will give you an idea of how to phrase any answers to questions that may arise. Books are useful references to go back to for the child, especially on issues about puberty and they can reassure themselves that everything is developing normally. They also need to understand what happens in both sexes.

Totally agree that it is best to assume whatever they might have learned previously could be wildly innaccurate.

Irca Wed 24-Aug-11 01:30:53

Thank you all for very helpful comments and tips. I definitely feel reassured. Going to get a book tomorrow. I saw some references in earlier msgs. Thanks again.

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