Toddler sharing etiquette

[BoysRusxxx]

I have two young toddlers who are generally good at sharing (Probably because they are used to it being so close in age). DNephew is around the same age as them and is not great at sharing (not judging, no child is perfect except mine )

He often takes toys form other children etc. My eldest toddler is not great at sicking up for himself and if a child tries to take something off him he will usually just hand it over. I am trying to teach him to stick up for himself by saying 'can i have that back please' etc

Yesterday, ds1 was playing with a toy and DN came over and tried to take it off him. Ds heldd the toy tight as dn was pulling it and he looked at me as if to say help me! Dn was screeching at this point and sil said to my ds 'give DN a turn and then you can have it back' Ds gave him the toy. I didnt really know what to do so did nothing.

I felt bad after as i have been trying to get ds to stick up for himself and i let him be walked over..I felt I should have said 'no DN, Ds is just having a go, when he is finished you can have a turn' but thn is this the right thing to do?

I know i should also teach ds to share so what is the sharing etiquette among children???

I said it to dp last night and he thought i should have said to sil that im trying to teach him to stick up for himself so DN can have a go in a minute.

The same thing happened again today and i said nothing again!!!

[BeeMyBaby]

My DD is probably quite a bit younger (18 months) but when she is with her cousin, and her cousin wants the toy or vice versa, it should be up to the parent of the toddler holiding the item to share/not share. For example if my DD had a toy, I would ask her to share it with her cousin but I would get very hacked off it DSIL demanded that DD give her toy up - its not her place to teach someone else's child to 'share' if the parent is present. Especially as it seems she would be failing to teach her own child to share in doing so.

[SenoritaViva]

Agree with MadamDs that he seems like a great kid not a pushover!

But, I totally agree with you sticking up for him and DN waiting their turn. I think your SiL needs to understand this a bit too, asking them to wait a minute or two and then having the toy is an important development.

[BoysRusxxx]

My ds speech is good. he is 2.7 but dn is only 21 months.

Thank you for advice. That is what I will say next time. I just dont want ds thinking if someone takes something off him then he should just give it even if he isnt finished with it.

[BertieBotts]

Turn taking is a lot more successful, generally, than attempting true sharing. Your SIL should have said it the other way around though. "DN, it's DS's turn. DN's turn in a minute. Wait." - perhaps you could jump in with something like that next time, before she does. DS shouldn't have to finish with it immediately, but he should be encouraged not to take a massively long turn with something if he is aware someone else is waiting for it.

[BoysRusxxx]

Yes thats exactly how i felt bertiebotts. I felt he shouldnt have to hand it over straight away just because DN demanded it. Ill say it quickly next time before she gets in!

[trixie123]

I am increasingly having to deal with this kind of thing as DS gets older (he's 2 now). I agree that taking turns is good but to some people that seems to mean that their child should have the toy immediately they want it, regardless of whether DS has just picked it up. Its a minefield and can only assume its going to get worse!

[BertieBotts]

She's perhaps heard the turn taking thing and just isn't thinking :) I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep reiterating that snatching is not okay, if you want something you must wait for X to finish their turn, and she should pick it up as they do

[inmysparetime]

We use a sand timer to ensure fairness in turn taking at my nursery and even the 15 month olds get it quite quickly.