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DD1 going through her Death phase. I am all for honesty but...

(6 Posts)
Ilythia Wed 17-Aug-11 09:23:54

DD1 is 5.6 and a bit of a senstivie drama queen soul. Her grandma died last year and she was at the funeral so understands trhe mechanics of dying - funeral - coffin - never see them again.
These are the questions I am having to deal with
Is grandma a skeleton?
When we die will my eyes fall out?
Can we eat after we die?
How do you wee without the coffin getting wet, I don't want a wet coffin.
Can we buy an extra big coffin so we can share as I don't want to be lonely.
I don't want to die and be a scary bones skeleton.

I am finding it harder and harder to answer these questions, anyone have any advice, books, anything?

I am not religious and we try and avoid the heaven if you are good thing but she gets it at school but this is causing more confusion as if you are in heaven with everyone and able ot eat and drink, what about your body in the coffin?

PlumBumMum Wed 17-Aug-11 09:28:37

I told my dcs that you are put in the grave so that god could come and make you into an angel, and the grave is just a special place to go and remember the person, this got them away from thinking the person was still in the coffin and the morbidity(?) of that

Hope that helps

PlumBumMum Wed 17-Aug-11 09:29:46

And then of course the fact the person is now an angel is the answer to everything else grin

Joolyjoolyjoo Wed 17-Aug-11 09:33:33

It's probably more difficult if you aren't religious/ don't believe in an afterlife, but I tried to explain to mine about the difference between the body in the coffin, and the thing inside that makes you you, which won't be there any more. Did then get lots of difficult questions about the afterlife (can we not just phone granny then?) and dd2 continues in her morbid way to be fascinated with the whole decay process, but it seemed to clear up for them that granny wasn't in the coffin, just granny's old body, a bit like old clothes, if that makes sense?

Ilythia Wed 17-Aug-11 09:38:56

H and I aren't religious, so find it hard to discuss god and afterlife in a way that will help her.
MIL was cremated (try explaining that without using the words 'fire' or 'burnt' - was very tricksy) so I cna say that she is not a skeleton. DD1 also saw the urn so we had had to explain how she fitted in it now and why her grave is so small.

It's not so much the grandma thing though, it's more the 'will my eyes fall out' 'can I still eat food' seriously, she screamed for 5 minutes last night at the thought of never being allowed to eat food when she was dead hmm

Ilythia Wed 17-Aug-11 09:40:21

I like the 'old clothes' thing, that's quite good, thanks
DN is haing trouble dealing with this now as well, we thought they were dealing well but it is nearly a year since she died and they have both suddenly started reacting to it.

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