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Just realising how crap I am. Can anyone advise?

(16 Posts)
addictediam Thu 11-Aug-11 10:39:17

I'm really struggling at the moment, and have been since dd was born. The house is constantly a mess dd is rarley bathed and if she's lucky she will get 1 solid meal a day. sad she's 9mo and still having up to 8 bottles a day, we have no routine or set bed time in place. I'm just feeling like such a failure. I've been kidding myself that I'm just a go with the flow type parent, but i think the truth is that I just don't know what I'm doing.
With dc2 on the way (due in Jan) I want to change things before its too late.

Can anyone give me some ideas on routines for a 9 month old nap times, feeding times, bed times etc

And has anyone got any good ideas for lunches, snacks and dinners (breakfast will be porrage, wheatabix or toast) for dd. She loves feeding herself so finger meals will be better.

Please help me to be a better mum sad

MrsGravy Thu 11-Aug-11 11:01:05

addictediam, it sounds like you're really struggling. How are you feeling in yourself? Do you think it might be worth having a chat with the GP/HV about PND? Letting routines and housework slide is all pretty normal but you sound particularly low.

Routine for mine when they were that age went something like:

Bottle when they wake up
7.30am breakfast

Mid morning bottle

12ish lunch - toast and hummus/marmite/cheese. Omelette. Potato wedges/home made pizza/pasta shapes she can hold

Mid afternoon bottle

5ish dinner - I'd just give a home cooked meal of whatever you're having and let her have a few bits to hold so mild chilli and give her some rice balls or something.

Bath about 6.30ish

Bed and bottle 7ish

Snacks wise, mine didn't have a lot of snacks at this age but usually stuff like breadsticks, rice cakes, soft fruit, cheese that kind of thing.

Mine actually get bathed every other night unless they're dirty.

I'm not sure if you can/should cut right down from 8 bottles to this kind of routine, you might need to drop them one by one depending on how much solids she eats.

Good luck!

addictediam Thu 11-Aug-11 11:12:14

I'm just having a bad day. Currently going through diagnosis for a thyriod issue. I'm just fed up its been going on for 7 months now (diagnosis) I just want to say forget it and walk away from everything. (depression is a symptom, but I dont want to take anti d's as it would make diagnosis more difficult and were so close!)

Thanks for that, I'm hoping to put up a big poster so we can follow it. smile

addictediam Thu 11-Aug-11 11:17:22

One of the worst things is I can't work put if dd is copying me and the symptoms or of she has it too and is genuinely struggling and also needs to be tested. I feel evil saying, I'll wait till I'm sorted then see what happens but i just dont have the energy to fight for both of us.

Loooopy Thu 11-Aug-11 18:15:43

I have a 9 month old DS, and we have only recently established a workable routine, mainly dictated by DS, but he is so demanding/clingy that i don't have time for anything these days so i know where you are coming from.

Our day is as follows -

DS wakes between 5-6 usually, and our rule now is he gets nothing until 6 as we want him to learn that there is no point waking earlier than this!
At 6 he has a weetabix, and half a pot of organix fruit puree (he doesn't always finish the weetabix and has to have it very milky)
Around 8 he needs to go upstairs for a breastfeed and a sleep. He will sleep anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half, occasionally a bit longer.
At 12 he has dinner - 2 savoury purees, and a petit filous.
By 1.45 he is usually back upstairs wanting another breastfeed and his afternoon nap, which is usually an hour, but could be as much as 3 hours though this is very rare!
By 4.30 he is usually ready for his tea, again 2 savoury purees, and the remaining half of the organix fruit puree.
By 6.15 he is having his supper (so got to be quick typing!) which is another petit filous and a heinz biscotti biscuit crumbled into a small amount of milk.
By 7 we must be upstairs, in sleeping bag, having 3rd breastfeed of the day else he gets cross! He usually goes down by 7.30.

When i use milk, i refer to full fat pasteurised. Savoury purees are home made, and there is no way i could make these in the week as i need them. We batch cook 2-3 times per month, at the weekends when DP is on hand to help either entertaining DS or to help in the kitchen!

I can give you details of the recipes we've done for him if you want?

We have failed with finger food, DS cannot cope with it yet, if he gags even once that is it, he will empty his entire stomach contents. Only thing he can cope with is the organix puffs - tried the carrot ones and the tomato ones. Failed so far with toast, cheese spread on toast and on bread, scrambled egg, rice cakes and biscuits.

sittinginthesun Thu 11-Aug-11 18:45:45

Hugs. x

I also had thyroid problems after DS2 was born, and it completely knocked me sideways. Have they said what the problem is exactly? I was overactive, and was very anxious, and spent huge parts of the day in tears.

I think it is worth speaking to the HV, if yours is any good. If you can get to your local library, they often have a good section on childcare et, and it may be worth borrowing a few books with different ideas for routine and meals.

The main thing is to be consistent. Write it down, and stick to it. If you have a bad day, just try and stick to the main bits.

Personally, I would work towards:

Morning milk when wakes up, then breakfast at 8ish;

Wash, dress (you and baby!);

get out of house for a walk/activity. Snack mid morning (finger food is ideal), and milk if still wants it (both mine dropped this feed at around 7 months);

Lunch at 12 noon (try and offer water with a cooked meal );

nap (gives you a chance to have a rest too)

Mid afternoon milk (which will turn to a snack eventually), and try and get out again;

Tea between 4.30pm and 5pm (cooked or finger food with water);

Bath 6pm;

Milk and stories/nursery rhymes etc) at 7pm.

I may be a bit out, as my boys are a bit older, but this is the rough routine we used and still use to a great extent now.

Keep chatting. xxx

GreenTeapot Thu 11-Aug-11 19:04:07

I just want to add that you're not so far from where you would expect, you know.

DD is my second and is nearly 11 months. She sometimes just has milk days. Usually because she's not 100% well or something but sometimes she'll skip a meal and breastfeed instead if we're out and busy. At this age it's no big thing IMO, as long as you're offering solids most of the time, which you will be easily able to do now your mind's set to it.

Just be sure to get out of the house once a day come hell or high water. Even just round the block. It's much easier to feel in control when you're dressed and have faced the world.

I like to invite people for coffee because it forces me to a) give the house a cosmetic tidy and drag the hoover out and b) forget about myself for a bit and talk to other adults smile

addictediam Thu 11-Aug-11 22:01:19

Thankyou so much dh dragged me out to see some friends this afternoon, and im going out with one of them tomorrow.

sittinginthesun I've had problems since I can remember, but have been fobbed off since i was around 16 being told it was hormones. I've been hypo till very recently and now have gone hyper, so I'm alittle better, but with the pg still very tired.

I've spent this evening coming up with a routine that I think will work around us, its still flexable but has dinner times, nap times, times that I need to play with dd and times I need to clean and tidy. I think it will work, I'm feeling very positive about it anyway! And dh has said that he can work with it on days that he's home or looks after her for my sanity!

bunnygirl80 Fri 12-Aug-11 08:00:21

Our daily routine goes something like this:
7-7:30 wake up, bottle, I eat my breakfast
8 breakfast (usually porridge or Weetbix) after breakfast I get DS dressed
9 snack (usually a yoghurt and some fruit cut up for finger food)
9:30-10 nap for 90mins-2hrs - during the nap I have a shower and do one piece of housework - either cleaning a room or cooking a batch of food for DS
11:30 lunch for DS
1pm bottle, lunch for me
2pm snack (this is often the leftovers from his lunch!)
2:30pm nap - if it's a nice day he naps in the pram while I have a walk. Otherwise I use this time to have a quick clear up and wash up all the bottles, cups, bowls etc DS has used so far
4pm get DS up if he's not already awake
5pm dinner
6pm bath
6:30pm bottle, story, bed

If DH is home from work, whoever's not putting DS to bed has to wash up all his remaining bottles, sterilise them ready for the next day, and make the lounge look less like a bomb site. We just have a massive box in the corner of the room that we chuck all his toys in at the end of the day, so the room looks tidy, and then we'll give the floor a quick sweep and mop if it needs it.

If DH is late home, then I do the last tidy while I'm waiting for our dinner to cook.

I've found just trying to get one chore done each day keeps us reasonably on top of the housework.

FloraFinching Fri 12-Aug-11 08:18:40

dd2 is 9mo

wake - somewhere between 5.30 hmm and 6.30am
bottle at 6-6.30

breakfast of weetabix 7.45

nap 9am for up to 1 hour if at home

lunch 12 o clock - sandwiches, toast, fruit, pasta salad, soup - easy snacky stuff

nap 1ish for 60-90 mins

2.30 bottle. sometimes a snack as well if dd1 is home and having one. just fruit/raisins/crackers

5pm dinner - pasta, fish and potatoes with veg, casseroles, chillis. she eats what she can with her fingers, and i spoon in the rest. like some other posters, i batch cook when i can, and just heat stuff up, as dd2 is still not very good at being put down.

6.45 bottle

7pm bed.
no night feeds since 6mo, when she slept through for a month. she doesn't always sleep through anymore , but still settles without a feed.

bunnygirl80 Fri 12-Aug-11 08:45:06

Sorry, DS needed his dinner mid-post smile

Most of the above routine is pretty flexible with regards to timings - the only thing that pretty much has to happen at the same time each day is his dinner. It's his biggest meal of the day and he gets very cross very quickly if it's not served up on time. If we're out somewhere and I know we'll struggle to be home by 5pm (or on work days when I don't collect him from nursery till 5) he has a snack at about 4:30 and that normally keeps him happy till I can give him his tea. I can't really take the credit for coming up with his routine - until he started nursery we lurched randomly from one day to the next - but this is the basic routine they use, and it seems to work for us. Lunch is pretty early at 11:30, but it's like that so that the toddlers who only have one nap can have lunch before they go to sleep. I often delay his lunch until more like 12-12:30 if we're out and about.

I use Annabel Karmel's complete baby and toddler meal planner for food ideas - although now we're into the stage 3 weaning section some of the recipes are getting a little complex. There are some good ideas for finger foods in there. Now DS is pretty much eating normal food that's been cut up rather than puree, I just put a big spoonful of it on his high chair tray and let him feed himself that with his hands (like if we were doing blw) as well as spoon feeding him.

AWimbaWay Fri 12-Aug-11 08:52:30

Hi addicted, I struggle to keep to any kind of routine with my 9month old, mainly due to having 2 older dcs schedules to fit in with. What I do find helps is having easy food at hand. Often I'm dashing about getting someone to swimming class etc. when it should be mealtime so fast easy meals make life much easier.

Mainly I just feed her what we're eating these days, but other things I give;

Gnocchi with a tiny bit of pesto and grated cheese mixed in- 3 minutes to make
Tortillini - 3minutes
Salmon cooked in microwave with frozen peas - 4 minutes
Frozen fruit blended with yoghurt and baby rice
snacks - bananas, yoghurt (greek yoghurt mixed with smoothie works well) home-made bread (breadmaker such a good investment!)

I must admit I also find babyfood pouches a lifesaver, if I'm in a real dash I can hand her one in the pushchair and she'll happily suck away herself, (note of warning, use a large bib, just when you're not looking they turn pouch upside down and squeeze!)

Also don't feel bad for being tired, pregnant, baby, possible thyroid problem, no wonder!! I find it helps to have one messy room, make it a room you can close the door on at the end of the day so if you don't have a playroom make it a bedroom. Any toys, piles of washing, general piles of stuff to sort, just shove them in that room at the end of the day and shut the door. When you're dh is around to help you can sort through that stuff, in the meantime just concentrate on day to day cooking, washing pots, having clean clothes. Nobody cares if you haven't dusted for a few months weeks days.

Another main thing is get out of the house at least once a day. The days I'm stuck in I feel so much worse. If it's nice go to a park, get out a picnic blanket and just sit with you dd scrambling around, if you make it a relatively busy park she'll be occupied just watching the world go by. Go to every baby/toddler group going until you find a couple you like. It takes a while to settle in so try them for a few weeks before giving up. I must have tried about 8 before choosing one I liked! I also find it helps to do one structured activity a week, I took my older dcs to jo jingles, I take Lottie to little gym. And don't feel bad about sticking your Dd infront of cbeebies occasionally so you can sit down with a cup of tea and do absolutely nothing!

addictediam Fri 12-Aug-11 09:11:16

Does this sound ok, its very detailed because thats what I need right now.

7am bottle
7.30 breakfast (wheatabix or cold porrage)
8am mummy gets dressed while dd plays on bathroom floor or in her bedroom
8.45 millie gets dressed
9am tidy bedrooms and make beds
9.30 millie time! Mummy concentrates on millie for 1 hour
10.30 bottle
11am 2 hour nap while mummy works on cleaning shedual (kindly given by mner!)
12.30 mummy starts making lunch (sandwich, pasta, homemade pizza etc)
1pm lunch
1.30 1 hour focused on millie
2.30 bottle
3pm 1 hour nap while mummy does more cleaning mumsnetting or anything else that needs doing
4pm cbeebies while mummy does dinner
5pm dinner (small baby friendly portion of what were eating)
6pm millie time
7pm bath and story time
7.30 wine bed time grin

Baby groups can fit in to millie time, and she can have bottle in her carseat/pushchair as were coming home.

AWimbaWay Fri 12-Aug-11 09:21:09

That sounds fantastic (might steal it)! Would maybe add a couple of snacks in there too, some fruit with the 10:30 and 2:30 bottles perhaps?

Mobly Fri 12-Aug-11 09:54:30

And don't worry if routine doesn't always go to plan! Millie hasn't read the routine remember grin so don't beat yourself up.

I like routine but I also like flexibility so I tend to be pretty firm with bedtimes and mealtimes but pretty flexible on everything else.

You are doing great.

Remember too that it is said food is for fun under 1yrs of age, milk is still main diet so don't worry about your DD having mainly milk until now- it's nothing to feel guilty about. However, I do think it's worth trying to introduce them to as much variety of fruit and veg before 1 as then they get a taste for it and it helps later on with fussiness IMO.

Healthy finger foods: Sweetcorn, slices of cucumber, banana, peas, bread and butter, potato wedges, mango, peach, well cooked pasta twists, cheese, no added salt baby crisps etc

I buy those frozen portions of steamed veg that you can fling in microwave for 3 minutes and they do things like broccoli, sweetcorn and carrots, they are Birds Eye but you can get supermarket own brand and it is a very easy way to do veg.

InmaculadaConcepcion Sat 13-Aug-11 14:57:03

addicted having read the above, I would say you are anything but crap! You are a concerned parent, struggling with health issues and pregnancy, trying to do what's best for you and your DD.

Your routine looks great. Good luck with everything smile

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