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mil issues

(8 Posts)
chester21 Tue 09-Aug-11 23:12:35

how do i tell my mil kindly that since she was a parent that things have changed and are no longer done the way it used to.

i have a beautiful baby boy and i feel real unease when pil's come over for a visit. we have gotten ds in a good routine he is happy in his chair or on his playmat and mil insits on picking him up and winding him up it's then a battle at bedtime.

she gives me little comments that i am not feeding him enough and he should be on solids (he is only 11 weeks weaning doesn't start till 6month, 4 month at the very earliest), that they dont get to see him often enough (this is through mour choice b'cause of the way that we get spoken to), there is so much more.

does anyone have any advice for me

thehairybabysmum Tue 09-Aug-11 23:25:55

re the weaning just say that things are done differently now and then ignore, try and let it wash over you.

re the picking up, think you need to relax a reality your PIl will love your DS almost as much as you and it does seem a bit harsh to expect them to just sit and look at him in a chair/mat instead of cuddling him...especially if they dont see him that often.

I suspect that because she annoys you then EVERY LITTLE THING she does annoys you also. Would it aggravate you if someone that you do get on with did these things....probably not i reckon.

No advice, just to try to rise above it...easier said then done when sleep deprived with a new baby and remember that you will be a MIL yourself one day in all likelihood!

Octaviapink Wed 10-Aug-11 09:33:04

The cuddles will do him good (the more oxytocin the better at this age - essential for proper brain development) and it's unreasonable (as thehairybabysmum said) to expect them just to look at him! You can use facts to explain about the weaning - that they now know a lot more about how a baby's gut develops and that weaning at younger than 6 months can actually do harm.

Sugarkane Wed 10-Aug-11 10:00:34

I had the weaning problem with my MIL when she tried to feed my very young son a mars bar, I explained that we do things differently now and she pulled the never did mine any harm line. I explained that as she followed the guidlines she was told when she was a new parent, I will be following the guidlines outlined to me now as I am the new parent. She has calmed right down since this and I think it was enough to remind her how stressful things are at first.

I also agree with the above posters that expecting MIL to look at your baby in the chair or on the mat is a bit harsh.

working2gally Wed 10-Aug-11 11:34:29

I can totally sympathise about your MIL making you ill!

Mine insisted on loads of visits at the start - weekends/ evenings during the week, and I'd feel myself being tense all day just with the thought of it. Affected the baby badly too as he used to cry more on those days. Full of crap advice as well - leave my 3wo baby to cry, wean early etc.

Just after the birth they rang to ask to visit and said if they should bring anything - my husband said perhaps some flowers would be nice - they turned up and my MIL duly presented - a 1kg of plain flour!! I kid you not.

Sorry - rant over - just wanted to support you in that PIL can be crazy and make you ill and it's difficult for people who haven't been through it to understand.

mumeeee Wed 10-Aug-11 11:42:56

OP your MIl doesn't sound that bad from what you say, She wants to pick him up and cuddle him because that what Grandmothers do, The cuddling is actually good for him. I don't see my great nephew very often but always hold him when I do see him. My niece is. okay with this.
With the weaning I would just explain that the guidelines have changed and that you are following the advice of your Health Visitor or GP. Just try and relax a bit.

chester21 Wed 10-Aug-11 21:36:06

i know i am being a bit over the top this is my first baby and a much wanted first granchild to the pil's. but ever since i anounced i was pregnant both my mum and the oh mum have told me what i can do and what i cannot, from who i should have as my doc, what kind if birth i had to have, where ds should go to school. I find this extremelly disheartning that they do not seem to trust me or my oh to be able to raise our son, as i am one of the last in my circle of friends to have children i have a good idea of how i want to raise my child and have had loads of discussions with my oh on how we both wanted to parent. one thing we both agree on is not to have his parents(due to their age 75 and 80 with not to great health) to baby sit or be unsupervised even though she want to look after him as a carer when i go back to work(cant think of any other word that works although this is a bit to extreme) with our son. I dont want to keep them away but i would like them to step back and trust me and oh to raise our son in a way that works for us.

Whenever she cuddles him he screams the house down any ideas why this is. She gets to have a cuddle whenever they come over but it breaks my heart when he is so unhappy with her. We originally thought that it could be because they dont see each other but he gets to see my family even less and is fine with them and people that he hasnt seen before.

Octaviapink Thu 11-Aug-11 11:48:32

He's probably picking up on your tension as you obviously don't like it. Next time it happens, it would be nice if you did your utmost to help him be happy to be cuddled by her.

On the advice front, you are not alone! Most of us have this. Previous generations always want to pass on their hard-won experience, and you never know there might be a few nuggets of gold in among the drifts of irrelevant or outdated suggestions. Listen and nod - you don't have to DO any of it!

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