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Please tell me it gets better...?! (small age gaps)

(18 Posts)
ratflavouredjelly Mon 08-Aug-11 16:43:14

It's 'hell' o clock here. I have a 2.5 DD and a 4 YO DS (21 months between them). Although I love them and am fiercely protective of them, sometimes I dread the days when I'm not working and are looking after them.

My head is about to cave in from screaming, arguing and fighting - akin to chinese torture treatment...

Orangeflower7 Mon 08-Aug-11 21:58:58

Hi I have a 2.8yr old and 6 yr old and although not a small age gap find the tricky thing is the toddler/older child combination. I find the days go best if we get out quite early and do something kind of active like swimming/park, have a lunch after (at least for the toddler sometimes just something on the run/buggy) then on the way home he might have a nap and I can have a bit of quiet time with the older one. But yes then the last bit of the day before teatime can be hard especially with the general bickering over's getting a bit better and I gues with age things will improve. It helps to get out with them I find. A lot. So they are kind of distracted from each other!

PacificDogwood Mon 08-Aug-11 22:02:50

It. Does. Get. Better.

Really, it does.

I have 1 year and 10 days between DSs1 and 2.

Still went on to have DSs3 and 4 grin (24 months between them).

<<passes wine and [chocolate]>>

RandomMess Mon 08-Aug-11 22:03:17

Yes it does get better, I had a 5.5 year gap, a 14 month gap and then a 2 year gap. Now they are all at school life is so much more civil!

mahaliha Mon 08-Aug-11 23:58:17

Yes it gets much easier. Dc1 and DC2 are 19 months apart and it was hellish when they were little, I used to go to work for a rest! They're now 4 and 5 and get on so well, they spend ages playing together and keep each other entertained. Hang in there, it'll get better soon.

Sleepglorioussleep Tue 09-Aug-11 09:08:07

Have dd nearly six, ds, nearly three and dd five weeks. Obviously new challenges at the moment wink but before baby school had helped create a bit of space for everyone. Found the year before dd went to school crazy and nearly unmanageable!

SheCutOffTheirTails Tue 09-Aug-11 09:23:25

I have a 22 month gap, was coming on to tell you it gets better once the baby stage is over...

Then realised yours are older than mine (3 and 1), so I've learnt things are going to get worse shock grin

gladders Tue 09-Aug-11 13:11:53

22 month gap between ds (6) and dd (5) - think it goes in phases really?

baby/toddler stage definitely the worst i reckon? they were both so little and needy at the same time - was impossible?

and now? well they bicker lots - but mainly when they're bored. so the trick is to keep them busy - we get out and about and have lots of other kids over. it does help.

but then, so does school! once your ds goes, life will get easier?

mrshotrod Tue 09-Aug-11 20:31:12

Mine are 2.4months and 6 weeks. Bed times when DH away are the worst part. Getting fit running up and down stairs between them mind. Have found having friends round to play has 'helped', or at least if not helping 2 year old have others to play with (by) it has given me company and made me feel more human. Mums of two clearly the best play dates as they know totally what you are going through. I'm allready looking forward to when at least one of them is at school. he he. Good luck.

OnlyMe1971 Wed 10-Aug-11 16:38:58

I have a 16 month gap between 1 & 2 and a 2yr gap between 2 & 3. I had all 3 at home for a year. It was HELLISH! Now we're (only a little bit) further but things have improved a bit. Not much though but we are around the same stage as you are so I'll be watchin this thread. I had 3 under 3 and a bit. So hard, the competition between them is rife. Mine are all boys too so it's a VERY unruly house!

I do see from older friends though that it definitely gets better.

Hang in there x

FannyAdamsToo Wed 10-Aug-11 16:49:02

21 month gap here too - I'm hearing you sister and allso understand that it is going to get worse before it gets better (1.10 and 3.8 years here). It has made me love my work days (feeling the guilt as I type) and feel like I spend most of my day shouting on my days off.

Scrub that, they aren't days off - you do relaxing things on your days off whereas I spend my days off battling, breaking up tug of wars which have got out of hand, drying tears, catering, wiping bottoms, emptying potties and cleaning up things which have spilt. That's not a day off in my eyes.

ratflavouredjelly Sun 21-Aug-11 21:28:16

Sorry all, for taking so long to reply! Thanks for your replies. I was being a bit unfair really posting when surrounded by screaming tots (live and learn ;-) I adore them and felt crappy for posting this. But Pacific Dogwood - your reply has made my night. Wine, chocolate - thanks, I'll take lots of both! mahalia - totally know where you're coming from.

SheCutOffTheirTails hahaha - um, maybe i'm not the best person to ask. Funnily enough, I found it much easier when DD was a baby and DS nearly 2. Although he got insanely jealous of his sister (and still does really). But now, they're at the bickering, fighting, nipping each other stage. Although having said that, they do love each other and (sometimes) play well together.

I still think I'd like a 3rd baby, but maybe i shouldn't...

ratflavouredjelly Sun 21-Aug-11 21:36:01

FannyAdamsToo - (breathes, necks a glug of Rose) - yep, yep, yep. Oh yes.

Guilt - is such a waste of time, when we're all doing our ultimate (which is never good enough...). I don't have any family nearby, which does make it quite hard, but at the same time, we've become pretty good at bumbling along. And, my DS and DD are 'action kids' - they're always on the go, wanting to do stuff, which we want, but sometimes I think - all I do is (try and then give up) to tidy up whilst everything get's trashed.
Some might call it high spirits... hmm

thehairybabysmum Sun 21-Aug-11 21:44:34

It does get much easier, mine are now 3 & 5. At a similar age to yours, and for the reasons you describe I went zero tolerance on fighting. Figured 'play fighting' is just fighting!! Was really strict about this for a couple of weeks with time outs etc (esp for eldest), this defo helped (my sanity).

I still don't allow it, also if eldest wanted what youngest had then he had to find a toy youngest wanted as a replacement. TV, they have to agree or none!

Don't get me wrong they are not perfect but it is generally ok and they play well together mostly.

ratflavouredjelly Sun 21-Aug-11 21:47:13

OnlyMe1971 I take my hat off to you. I come from a huge family and assumed it would be easy and i'd have shoals of little ones too grin

I wondered if you manage to keep any sense of calm in any rooms - because even with only two tinies, I seem to be going from picking a trail of destruction up to breaking up fights, to picking up my whirlwind DD from her scrapes, to wiping up food, to washing up, to looking for them when they hide grin, to sorting out food, blah blah blah...

Tobagostreet Sun 21-Aug-11 21:51:58

Agree with gladders - goes in stages - but I think the stages get much better as time goes on.

Most of the time now DS1 (7) and DS2 (5) - 22 months between them - are thick as thieves and very good company for each other (which allows much more 'mummy drinking coffee and eating cake time').

In short - it does get much bettersmile

ratflavouredjelly Sun 21-Aug-11 22:03:55

Here's to more 'eating cake time' then Tobagostreet Yeah, my two are thick as thieves too, especially when they meet other children and they do stick up for each other which is great. It's just never the walk in the park that my mum (who had 5 of us) claimed it was... (LOL) fancy a brew?

sairz1980 Mon 22-Aug-11 12:49:52

Mine are 21 months apart too - ages, 2 and 4. I am a stay-at-home mum.

My 4yo is all calm and easy-peasy, but my 2yo is a little bundle of energy....however they do play nicely, and do get on well. We have an absolute zero tolerance on fighting (they still do it though, this moring's argument involved Sylvanian Families and smeared chocolate) and I too spend entire chunks of my life tidying up, scrubbing, wiping, disinfecting, only for the house to look just as it did before I bothered!

There is definately no calm in any of our rooms. Every single wall in our house has been smeared or scratched (and then patched up again, to await next time)

I am, however, 29 weeks pregnant with my 3rd, so it can't be that bad or I wouldn't be going for it again!

There are days though when I (making sure the kids are safe) lock myself in the bathroom to weep, but then I feel better for the release. (and guilty for being such a wetbag)

Thing is, being pregnant again means I can't have gin...dammit!

I think toddlers do actually send you a bit mental, but we'll all miss them when they go to school full time!

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