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Dealing with other people's 'spirited' kids.

(10 Posts)
IslaValargeone Sun 07-Aug-11 14:20:33

My friend has kids of 3 and 2, the 3 year old she describes as spirited. He is I would imagine quite typical of a lively boy. He is a bit of a thrower and a hitter/kicker, if we are in the garden he throws stones or whatever is to hand at his younger brother or his mum or me or my dc. His mum gives him a cursory "Don't do that" but it is never followed through with any sanction if he continues. It's got to the stage where I try and avoid having them inside as he has caused varying amounts of minor damage to things in the house. My dc ran a mile when they popped round today as she still has the bruises from an earlier encounter this week. The younger sibling is now following the older brother's lead. Between hitting me or my dc and temper tantrums when their mum doesn't instantly give them what they want I'm finding mixing with them quite stressful. I lied today about my plans for next week, just to avoid a day trip to the zoo. I get embarrassed at having to admonish her kids but I had to pull the older one from my hair last week. How do I handle this?

Sarsaparilllla Sun 07-Aug-11 14:22:59

I wouldn't call that 'spirited' I'd call it not being disciplined properly, throwing stones isn't acceptable!!

ivykaty44 Sun 07-Aug-11 14:23:18

tell her the truth - sorry but after so much hurt and upset I can't see you as much. If you could control your ds a bit it could be easier, but I am not going to constantly let myself or my dc keep getting hurt with stones etc as its not good or nice and I don't like it.

let me know if your ds stops this at any time and we can do a play date

IslaValargeone Sun 07-Aug-11 14:28:53

Yes Sarsaparilla I don't call it spirited either, but she is really not seeing it as a problem despite hints from members of her family and the nursery her kids go to.

colditz Sun 07-Aug-11 14:32:39

That's not spirited, it's naughty.

ivykaty44 Sun 07-Aug-11 14:36:28

the mother doesn't want to see it - as then she would have to deal with the problem so the longer she ignores the hints the longer she can get away without having to actually deal with the issue.

So tell her straight it is a problem and we don't want to play as you ignore the problem and make it ours instead - no thanks

SaffronCake Sun 07-Aug-11 14:39:45

Downright badly behaved is a more accurate description of this lad. "Spirited" would mean he thinks for himself, he is resourceful, determined, active and outgoing... None of which is neccassarily "naughty". Spirited might be what she hoped for in a boy but it's not what she's got. What she's got is a PITA who hurts people and over whom she has little if any influence.

One way or another you have to tell her the true reason why you don't want him over anymore. Whether you break it gently or hit her with it broadside is your choice, but I think fibbing is not helping anyone, especially not him.

IslaValargeone Sun 07-Aug-11 14:43:03

I know you are right, lying is not the way forward. I don't want her to feel I'm judging her (though I obviously am) or abandoning her, she's had pnd I think at some point, I don't want to make her feel worse, if she's vulnerable. I'm not usually such a wuss.

SaffronCake Sun 07-Aug-11 14:44:29

Looks like finding a way to break it to her gently is the front runner then?

ivykaty44 Sun 07-Aug-11 15:18:47

Do you need help with sorting your ds's behaviour out? As it is starting to cuase problems between your dc and my dc and we wouldn't want to have a situation where I suddenly drop seeing you as a friend due to your ds's behaviour - as that would be a shitty thing to do and I would much rather help you tackle your problems should you want some help.

make it into a shit sarnie and at the start tell her something really great about herself and finish with something really great about her

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