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losing confidence with new baby - sat here in tears(18 Posts)
DS2 is 6 weeks old. All he does is cry. He cries when i feed him (EBF), cries at night, cries in the pram (just been out for half an hour walk and ended up carrying him while pushing pram with one hand so he could scream in my ear instead of in the pram. He fell asleep eventually in the pram but sleeps so lightly he woke up as soon as we got home. Now crying in the pram
He sleeps for 2 hours at a time and wakes with a blocked nose, not hungry more than about every 4 hours (huge baby) so end up pacing room with him while my shoulders ache.
better go and get him.
Poor you, I do sympathise. My Ds (now 16 months) was a cry-baby until fairly recently - maybe some babies just are. He would wake up as soon as we arrived home from a walk in the pram too and I can certainly sympathise with the big, heavy baby to soothe making you achey and exhausted. We were always the first to leave mum and baby get-togethers as he would be crying and grumpy.
I don't really know what to advise. I think that as long as you are doing your best for him and that you are on a fairly even keel, maybe just accept that he is a cry-baby and plough on.
Hope things get better soon.
You are doing a fab job, they are so so tiring at this age and I found at around 6 weeks was just when I couldn't stand the broken sleep any longer.
If he has a clean nappy, is not hungry, getting cuddled, not too hot or too cold, then you have done all you can to help him stop crying. Have you thought about getting him checked for reflux - that can make very miserable babies.
Some babies do just cry a lot though - DD hated being a baby, DS was much more placid. Maybe try some saline nose drops if he is a bit congested?
Are you getting any help - someone to walk him out for an hour or two while you just flop on the bed? It can be really lonely at that stage, esp when BF and you feel like no one else can/will look after them even for a short while.
This sounds awful, my heart goes out to you.
Have you tried a dummy at all? Some babies like to suckle more than others, so might be worth a try? (My 2 loved them in the early days).
Hope it gets better for you soon and you manage to get a break as suggested by others.
It's awful isn't it? Have you tried him in a sling? My DS was heavy AND grumpy - a most unpleasant combination! - and we found one of the thins which helped was keeping him upright and close in a sling. Do you have someone who can give you a break, even by taking him out for a walk for an hour? Someone else's baby crying is never as bad as your own so don't be afraid it'll be too much to ask of someone.
Oh you poor thing. Does he maybe have bad wind? My son was terrible at six weeks but it did pass. I made sure I got wind up after every feed even if it took ages. A sling helped sometimes too. It does get better honestly.
Sounds miserable, no wonder you are loosing confidence. I agree that some babies do just seem to cry alot more than others....but it does get better.
The only thing I would do different to your description in the OP is leave the crying baby in the pram and keep walking. If picking him up only means he screams in your ear instead, I would leave him in the pram and walk briskly, jigling it.
I used to do the pushing with one hand thing with dd too, but couldnt by the time ds came along as I needed that hand to hold onto toddler dd by then.....ds would then invariably drop off and I must admit to wondering if I had left dd more for a few minutes here and there if she would have settled herself better. There is no way of knowing, I suppose, but worth a try to save your sanity!
Thanks all, reading your replies made me cry again. i feel very emotional, i expect it is the sleep deprivation. Just fed him and put him down and so far still asleep. we have been given a mechanical swinging chair and he does seem to like it for short spells. DS1 (now 3) was so much easier than this, I thought I enjoyed the newborn stage
DH goes out every Sunday am to do his never-to-be-missed hobby and his parents have DS1 for the morning so I think I am feeling a bit sad and lonely. i shoudl perhaps arrange to do something Sunday mornings. Everyone else does family things though. Could I feel any more sorry for myslef? Perhaps baby will wake up again in a sec, that should do it.
I know it will get better, I just have to wait it out.
I do have a sling, it works mostly but also makes my back ache so better to put him down when i can.
I agree about leaving him in the pram, it did work in the end. I just felt so wretched and embarrassed walking around the village with such a racket on wheels.
Yes, wind is def a problem too.
My babybjorn type sling makes my back ache so I got a fabric sling instead - much comfier and easier to wear. My DS1 was exactly the same as a baby so you have my every sympathy. Just remember, it does get better, he won;t always be this way.
Ok, you need to take a break, have a cuppa and look at what you have achieved.
People assume that second time around you'll be fine. Seems like this time, this baby is challenging at the moment. You need to ask for a bit of support for you so you can recharge. Everything seems overwhleming when you are tired - 6 weeks in is a really hard time.
This baby might just like different things to some others. It's that simple - trick is to help him work out what those things are. You are not a neglectful mother if you let him cry a bit: sometimes you have to in order to step back and realise what he is crying about, what his body is doing, what type of cry it is. Keeping a record, Baby Whisperer style, worked for us and stopped us jumping in to 'fix' DD when we were desperate for her to just shut up.
Sounds like he's well fed, developing nicely, you are socialising and getting out. You sound tired and fed up but still striving to do a great job. Don't loose faith in yourself. Everyting seems so much worse when you are tired: this too shall pass. This baby just needs a bit more help. He might just be a baby who can cry himself to sleep (weird, I know). Difficult for you to listen to but I bet even if that is the answer you will feel better just knowing that crying is 'normal' for him rather than him being in pain, or discomfort.
Every baby is different - my 3 certainly have been - but I'd second the baby sling and dummy recommendations for the first few months.
Hang in there. It does get better.
x posts with the sling.
Remember, he sounds a lot louder to you: anyone around your village listening to him should either be thinking about offering to help or butt out. FWIW, apprently I hated the pram and in desperation once my mum just put me in the cot and shut the door, having tried all of the recommended tips. Turns out a couple of hours on my own in the cot every afternoon with no one fussing me was what I wanted (antisocial baby emoticon). Also, 2 of mine have preferred sleeping on their side from day one (roll up a towel really firmly and sort of wedge it behind them so they are at a slight angle.
Don't feel bad about wheeling around a crying baby -- all babies cry! No one will judge you for it, more likely they will think, Ah poor mum, must be tough.
I second the dummy suggestion, my DS settled a lot when we gave him one. He never got addicted to it or anything, gradually used it less and less until finally stopped altogether around 8 months.
Do you have a bouncy chair? Also great for settling!
I also found the period from 6-10 weeks to be the absolute worst. It will get better, don't lose faith in yourself, it's just a really awful time and you are doing your best!
I am an old mum, so not sure if it is still ok, but have you tried swaddling? (firmly wrapping him up) Walking up and downstairs helped with wind but is tiring! Hard being a mum, you love them so much and when you don'tknow how to help it's so upsetting.
Oh yes, actually we did swaddling too and almost right away he started sleeping more in the evenings.
One of the best bits of advice I have read on here was to keep pushing a crying baby/screaming toddler when they are in their pram.......then even if people do look and judge, you won't see them for very long!
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