Very small age gap- coping techniques, early days.(17 Posts)
My two are a year apart and I now have a 1 year old and a newborn.
How on earth do I do anything and get anything done?
DS1 is a terrible napper and DS2 is at the needing to be held constantly stage.
DS1 walks so this is a help.
Am I going to be stuck wearing a sling for the near future?
Will this mean DS2 won't ever settle?
Will days at home be ok? I can't walk the streets with a pram all day.
I am having a slight post birth hormone induced panic, please be very gentle.
Please help and tell me it will be fine!
*DS1 is a terrible sleeper in general. The HV will be helping me sort his sleeping or lack of it out this week.
I think I am in shock. I know I can look after both of them just fine but it's so daunting right now. I imagine this is due to no daily routine right now and it being early days.
You will be fine. Ask for and take all the help you can get. Do your parents live near by?
You will be fine I had a 16 month gap between dd1 and dd2 and then 10 months later ds1 turned up I'm not gonna say it was easy but it will get easier I promise the best advice I can give you is try and get some kind of routine , It helps to get you through the day when thongs are getting a bit manic . Best of luck
Thanks for your speedy replies
Have got both DP's parents and my own nearby which is a great help.
DP has just got a nice bottle of wine out now both boys are asleep.
I need to get a routine going which will happen next week as DP is back at work.
Hard it being summer holidays as so many groups aren't on over the summer.
Really hoping we can crack DS1's lack of sleeping habits.
DS2 will be having some cranial osteopathy to help with that. Worked with DS1 so I have hope.
Sorry for the large rant, I feel better for typing it out though.
Cut yoursself a large amount of slack! The next 6mths will be about surviving. Getting through each day. Don't plan too many activities each day and make sure you sit down for a cuppa each day. Get your parents and in laws to do your ironing and cleaning. And think about doing your food shop on line or getting parents to do it for you. And if you think your slipping under talk to someone and have a break from the kids.
13.5 months between mine, YOU WILL SURVIVE! lol!
Things you should do:
1. Routine, especially sleep routine,
2. Work in a few daily chores into your routine, the house will inevitably get more lived in but if you keep on top of laundry you will feel better.
3. Have some faith in yourself and follow your instincts with your children, don't listen to too much interfering advice.
4. Shower and dress in the morning before your partner goes to work, it'll make it easier for you to get out and about.
5. Have your baby bag ready and stocked up all the time so you can actually get out and about.
6. If your parents are willing to help, then maybe ask them to babysit regularly so you can get out by yourself the odd time.
7. Don't worry you will be fine .
I would be a wreck if parents weren't near by. thank god...and I've got 2.3 years between mine. Bedtimes when solo are hardest. How to teach a new born (well, 6 weeks) to settle her self?? I've totaly forgotten. Woudl make life alot easy if she coudl get herself to sleep. First time round I walked with the pram a lot, can't do that with grumpy toddler around, and want to nap still when he does, but then the baby wakes up! Aghhhhh. Good tips above. friends of two say they don't remeber the first three months. I can see why. Think you must just get through it one day at a time.
Today first full on day by myself blardy
feckingnightmare! Ended up somehow with them both napping for 2 hours on me!
DS2 has terrible colic which I'm seeing cranial osteopath and HV about. He doesn't sleep or settle very well at all. It's relentless. Feel so sorry for him, it's so upsetting.
Attempting sleep training with DS but I'm not sure my hormones can take it.
Definitely one day at a time!
As they both settle down it will get easier. Hold this thought as it will get you through the tough parts. Be gentle on yourself and try to have realistic expectations. You are not going to be cleaning your house and ironing towels at the moment. If it were me, I'd make a little plan for the morning that involved leaving the house if only for 15 minutes. I'd also take it all very slowly and gently. I'd probably use the tv for ds1 and a dummy for ds2 if it helped in the early stages.
I had four under the age of 5, so I know how you feel.
For us the playpen was a lifesaver. the youngest could go in that, which meant the older two got some peace, and the youngest was safe. We also had an electronic rocker for the babies, a stand in station, and a doorway bouncer, to keep one going while dealing with another.
tbh this is the easy bit, cos at least the baby will stay where you put them! I think the best thing that will help you, is to try not to worry if the baby has to cry for a couple of minutes while you deal with your toddler. You can't be in two places at once. Also, accept all offers of help!
As for jobs around the house, I used to get things like lunch sorted before dh left in the mornings. Then things like cleaning and laundry I learned to do while entertaining the babies. Singing at the top of my voice helped, and they loved watching the washing machine being loaded or running for some reason!
Seriously, you will survive, but that's about it. I sit here crying because its so hard, and mine are already almost 2 and 4. My advice: Get out of the house and see somebody adult every day. Go see your parents!!!! I haven't had anybody to help me, plus dh gone all day, which really brought me to the knees. Any day where I could meet with a friend was better. And yes, you will live with the sling on your hip for the next months, and with a horrid state of household for a few years.
Here's a suggestion for day that sort of worked for me:
1/2 h of playtime
get ready to get out of house and visit for a bit, bring snack
back home, older dc nap (always same time, always bed)
1/2 hour of play
housework with kids milling about/in sling
dinner chaos (my kids need it by 4:30, or they won't eat)
bed (no later than 7 for dc1!!! Better 6:30 if he doesn' sleep well, as is probably overtired)
The baby will do whatever it wants, but will be grateful for naps in bed. My dc1 I dragged relentlessly around :sleeping: her in my arms or the sling, with the result that she slept much more poorly than dc2, who slept in bed like a champ from the beginning. At about 6 months, I had to move her inot her own room, bc I was constantly waking her when I moved, disrupting her sleep.
The sleeping book that saved my life and has both kids sleep from 7 to 7 no complaints: healthy sleep habits, happy babies. All in all, sleeping has been the single most important thing to keeping everybody as happy as possible.
15 month gap between mine and they are now 7 and 8.
When they were babies, routine and being out of the house was the thing that saved me. I walked for at least an hour every day with them both in the buggy. I caught the bus into town twice a week (baby in sling and single buggy). Went to local toddler group 3x a week. I worked really hard at getting them to have an afternoon nap at the same time and even when the older one was too old for it, I re-branded it as "quiet time" for him to play with his toys on his own for a little while.
I have to say, the small age gap is great at the moment. It is raining here and I have had to work from home today. The kids have entertained each other all day.
How are you getting on?
I have a large age gap, but still have some ideas:
- my DH cleaned the kitchen every night, no matter how late he got in, for about the first 9 weeks or so after Ds2 s born. Can you suggest this? As you go forward, perhaps your DH could do certain days of the week.
- I read of one lovely MNetter DH who used to make her a packed lunch and leave it in the fridge for her each day.
- work towards both babies having a nap at the same time, I presume your DS1 is just on one nap a day? When you say he is a terrible napper, what happens?
- make double several times a week when you cook and geese little portions for DS1 so you can quickly feed him something
- My DS2 spent most of his naps in a sling for the first month or so, and at 9 months he's fine in a cot for 2 naps a day so don't worry about that. Your DS2 won't necessarily be the same as your DS1
- go for a walk every day even if it is raining
- can you afford a cleaner for a few months?
- in september there will be loads of play groups etc on again. Are you bfing? Just asking as Breastfeeding groups often have loads of toys for the older ones, but there's a lot of people with new borns there too, so is nice to chat.
I'll add anymore suggestions if I think of them, I am sure you are doing fine. And get your DH to mention to his parents things you might need doing, subtly. And although I don't really rate Gina Ford much, I noticed that she has a routine listed for newborn/toddler in her Contented Toddler Book.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.