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FGS all I've done today is SHOUT.(9 Posts)
And I really hate myself for it
I feel like such a horrible person, I genuinely don't like myself when I have days like this. When did I become so bitter and impatient?
I adore my children but I feel like being a mum has brought out all my worst traits and some days I just hate myself
I get that at weekends (I work p/t in the week). I've ended up with a sore throat on many occasions as they will not acknowledge me unless I come over all Sargeant Major at them. So much for talking calmly (which I tried for years), they just ignore me.
They're good at nursery though .
hey outthere, please don't hate yourself.
You are being the best mum that you can be and that means not being perfect and having bad days. And don't forget, if you didn't have any bad shouty days, you wouldn't be able to notice the good days
And the reason i feel able to speak with such authority on this subject is because i too often have days when I think "WTF? My children deserve better than me". It just so happens that today I've had one of those better days where actually, today i can see that it's my DD who is causing all the trouble and actually, you know what, for once I'm handling it okay.
Be kind to yourself outthere please. Our DCs were sent to try us!!
I know what you mean, I have started a thread as having a rough time with my dd at the moment and hate myself for it!!!
Been there. Go there less frequently since I've worked out what makes me shouty and got rid of as many triggers as possible. Untidiness, hunger, leaving too much stuff to do in the morning I could eliminate. Then what remained was mainly tiredness and lack of personal space. Mostly I can deal with these-school for dd1 helped . Children have an inability to read signs like adults would and there's only so much you can deal with. Oh, and I also started telling dd when I was feeling close to shouty. Hang on in there.
I think it's traditional on MN to suggest getting hold of a copy of "How to talk so kids will listen" at this stage. I took delivery of a copy a couple of weeks ago, and it is making a difference (DSs 4 and 20 months).
It's only the second parenting book I've bought but I would recommend it. It's very good at putting things from the child's perspective eg how do you feel if your boss asks you to do something in way a or b? Then suggesting ways to apply this to kids.
To be honest, it's mostly stopped me shouting automatically because my brain is still trying to work out a better way to deal with the situation 'by the book'. And sometimes that moment is all you need.
Hopefully you'll also find yourself saying, as you read it "hey, I do that already - maybe I'm not doing so badly after all".
Outthere - your thread really struck a chord with me today. You must be a brilliant mum otherwise you wouldn't even be aware that you have shouty days. Sometimes I think I'm a totally crap parent - especially today. To use a well-oiled phrase, 'I was a brilliant parent before I had kids..."
BlueChampagne - thankyou, thankyou, I've just bought a copy of "How to talk so kids will listen" from your recommendation. Having an education seems to have had absolutely no effect whatsoever on my ability to get my children to listen to me. (2.5 AND 4). I'm hoping this may help... (laughs merrily)
I also found how to talk really useful. One of the things I do is explain to dd how much patience I've got. Seems to remind me too!
Thanks everyone, that's really useful advice, I will get myself a copy of that book.
I'm finding that it also helps to remind myself that patience takes practise - so I'm sticking at it!!
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