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Dealing with a boastful/bossy child

(12 Posts)
Orangeflower7 Fri 05-Aug-11 02:58:10

This afternoon we had a child round to play from school, right from the start he kept boasting on to me about how wonderful he is at everything, it was really intense. I am just wondering if I should have dealt with it a bit somehow. My ds (who is quite kind of young for 6 and just sort of plays and is quite quiet) didn't seem to mind really, just sort of started playing at home and for a while it was okay. They went and played a bit with some cars and stuff. Then I could hear a lot of shouting over who was winning at a game and ds just said quietly he didn't want to play anymore. We put a film on them at teatime when I joined them it all started again. Lots of boasting about being tall and my ds being so short and 'like the biggest preschooler in the world' hmm and got wuite agitated about not being the tallest in the class and being second tallest. I just said that we are a short family and that everyone is different that's what makes us all special. It really got grating after a while though usually with ds and his best mate I can chat with them but this time when I tried I got to a full stop each time. (with 'no I don't think so') and then when i was trying to chat about where he was going on holidays I said 'oh we went there a couple of years ago' pleased to have something to talk about that perhaps would be okay..but he was upset 'oh you got there first!' but intensely upset. Then moved on to ranking the children in the class in order of how much he liked them (ranking my ds second smiling at him while ds looked back nonplussed). I also noticed him putting huge pressure on himself to do drawings perfectly and to copy something identically..

I am wondering what to do in future, also making me ponder over whether possibly this kind of behaviour is a result of personality or possibly our education system/school and emphasis on 'performing' any thoughts?
And how to deal with it in future?

Orangeflower7 Fri 05-Aug-11 13:35:57

bump

exoticfruits Fri 05-Aug-11 13:56:38

Personality. Probably insecure. Don't take any notice-just be vague in replies. Your DS seems to be coping well.

Orangeflower7 Sat 06-Aug-11 02:07:53

Oh thanks. Wonder whether to have round again or not (mum keen to) or might get to ds. He did say 'oh my picture's a bit rubbish isn't it?' to the boy and I was like sad. Maybe it would help if I explained to ds that sometimes people go on about themselves in order to feel good. Hmm not sure.

exoticfruits Sat 06-Aug-11 07:30:32

Ask you DS if he wants him around-I would only have him around if he actually likes him. I would just tell your DS that his picture wasn't rubbish and that some DCs just like to show off, it doesn't mean they are better.
I'm surprised that you haven't had more replies.

Grumpla Sat 06-Aug-11 07:43:19

I'd feel sorry for him. Not a good way to live.

Could you maybe think of some activities / games that involve co-operating rather than competing if he comes round again?

I'd also compliment your ds on handling it so well / talk in general terms about how people who are bossy / boastful sometimes do it because they don't feel very good about themselves.

Orangeflower7 Sat 06-Aug-11 13:21:07

Thanks good ideas. I guess I felt my ds should stick up for himself more but don't want him to join in and start being the same! The school is a bit keen on giving them stickers for stuff 'great writing' 'I'm a star' that sort of thing, sometimes I wonder if they realise how they sound going on. Definitely think it's worse when they start saying they're 'better than" someone else too. Just trying to bear in mind it must be, like you said, not nice being like that constantly!

I also got a rundown of all these documentaries he watches and he seemed very keen to impress me as an adult. I just said 'oh don't think I've seen that'.

Deesus Sat 06-Aug-11 13:27:57

I think it's probably something the friend picks up from his parents rather than school. Do you know them? Maybe they're particularly pushy or the boy has high achieving siblings or something?

I'd have him round again as long as your DS wants him to.

RockOnMrs Sat 06-Aug-11 13:29:05

I would say that the boastfulness is due to personality and also to the parenting! but definitely not a result of our education system (I'm assuming you're in the UK? - apologies if I've got this wrong).

Boastfulness is incredibly hard to deal with, as it can come across as being incredibly derogatory towards the boastee, and I agree with others that you should take your cue from your DS. If he wants to carry on being friends with this child, great; if not, also great.

exoticfruits Sat 06-Aug-11 13:47:50

I would very much stick with the bland comments, e.g when he says that he better, just say 'that is nice, dear, we all like to be good at something'. Don't get drawn, always make the sort of comment that doesn't invite a comeback and change the subject.

gladders Sun 07-Aug-11 09:13:15

sounds exactly like a kid in ds's class.

I'm sure it's down to the parenting - otherwise all the kids would be like this? It's unbearable to adults but the other kids don't seem too bothered by it. while they were in awe of him in reception, they have seemed less so this year and are able to filter most of what he says.

I'd only invite him round/accept an invitation if your ds is keen. And i wouldn't really bother trying to chat to him - no point getting wound up about it if your ds is happy enough?

addressbook Sun 07-Aug-11 20:20:45

watching this with interest. My ds has a friend who is very boastful and gloats a lot. It does wind him up and sometimes he reacts by doing the same. I just don't know how to handle it sometimes. I know this girl's mum and she seems lovely, I actually get on with her well. I don't know the dad all that well as they are seperated.

She of course is just a little girl (actually younger then my ds) and can play nicely. But I find this aspect hard. Once I had said my ds couldn't get an icecream from the van that sometimes comes round my street (I am not mean! He had just eaten a big bowl of icecream for his pudding!) and she kept coming up to our window (she lives on our street) with hers and laughing/gloating. Maybe I am over reacting but it really bugged me.

She seems to compete about everything. I think it is insecurity, which is very common I know. My ds is not always an angel and I am always welcoming and kind to his friend. But I do find it hard

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