Please come and tell me why you agreed to DC2 (or more!!)(10 Posts)
I love DS more than I ever thought possible and, despite my desperate early-days scribblings which tried to identify some kind of pattern to the madness and now remind me of how little sleep and how much crying there was, my perception of my gorgeous boy is that he's a lovely, lovely child. There have been times when I've had no idea whatsoever what I'm doing and when I've been so tired I could actually be sick, but I've never been happier.
HOWEVER. We're now thinking seriously about number two and I am shit-scared. I want a sibling for DS and I don't want to regret NOT having another child.... that's my pro list. Here are the cons........
1. Last birth was not good, fucking terrified about doing it again.
2. I like that I'm only a bit tired now. I can form sentences and stuff which is nice.
3. I love my job - found it after resigning from previous post when I had DS - but it's nature means a) only the basic maternity allowance (self-employed) and b) not altogether guaranteed that I can just leave it and pick it back up again.
4. I'm SO enjoying being a mum at the moment I'm worried that I'll ruin it. Not helped by my own disastrous experience of being the older and painfully jealous sibling.
5. All that stuff on the other thread about toddlers and babies......
6. Our aspirations for DS v income (which will be less for longer with a second child).
That's probably enough - you get the idea! You'd think the decision would be clear cut based on my pro/con list, but it's bugging me and we're thinking about trying again and I'm terrified.
Is this normal?! How did you feel about trying again?
erm... a primal need to procreate??
all sounds very normal anyway
i didn't want a small age gap (Dsis had hers close together she struggled so it put me off) so there is 5 years between my DD's. which meant DD1 got benefit of my time till it was nearlly time to start school which meant then I had the time for DD2. DH is an only child and it was him that wanted another baby more than me, we are having no more as he agreed to a vasectomy when DD2 was 3 months old
Similar to you I was worried about the lack of sleep, loss of income. But if I knew now what I knew before I had my first (DS), I wouldn't have had him! Actually that's not true but you know why I mean
I'm pregnant with DD and scared about coping with two. But we went for it for many reasons:
- I really wanted more than one as did DH
- we wanted a close age gap - me and my brother are less than 2 years apart and were very close growing up
- I didn't want to get out of the baby/toddler stage then have the shock of a newborn
- it's better for me to take time off work close together then once kids are all had I can think again about career (am only just 30 so loads of
Mainly it was instinct to go for it - there are plenty of reasons why we shouldn't but I haven't considered those in detail!
oops hmm MN lurking + big glass(es) of wine =
Sorry about the language (although I am f*cking terrified about attempting labour again)
It's the instinct to go for it which is missing.... but it was never there in the first place really - again just a vague feeling that we would regret it if we didn't try and blissful ignorance about what is actually involved!! But I'm so so SO glad we did it, which is why I'm considering ignoring every part of my logical brain and having a sibling for DS. But it's very counter-intuitive at the moment!
Loolah, I'm wondering how old your children are now and if they play together.... I worry that if I leave it too long the age gap will be too big and there won't be the same benefit in DS having a sibling as there would be if they were closer together. He's just turned 2.
Maybe I'm just thinking about it all too much!!
Oooh, I felt/feel like you - AND I have no reason to; DS was easy to give birth to and easy to look after (he's a 'sleeper')
I'm 14wks with DC2 and terrified that I'll get a nightmare baby this time, to even things up! The gap will be 2.2yrs
From what I've gleaned from MN, any gap is fine - they all have their pros and cons.
From your post, you SOUND as if you do actually want to go for it, but you want the decision taken out of your hands! That's how I felt.
As for the labour, you just don't know what's coming, but you're better prepared having been through it before so you'll probably be more assertive and get what you want quicker (Sorry to be flippant but you know what I mean.....)
mistressploppy (can't type that without smiling ), I think you're pretty much spot on. I thought we'd had an 'accident' a couple of months ago, was almost sure that we could be pregnant, tests were negative and I was disappointed. But then moved straight back into panic and have been very careful since.
I also feel exactly the same about the nightmare baby theory.... on the whole DS has been amazing. I was apparently a stubborn, sleep resistant screamer so surely I can't be this lucky twice?!
I never had the 'instinct' either - not with DS1, not with this one (bump). I just thought - 'well, I know I want kids someday, might as well get on with it' . Not very romantic.
I saw the episode of Friends last night, where Rachel finds out she's pregnant. She pees on a second stick to make sure, Phoebe looks at it and tells her it's negative and she cries. Then Phoebe says she lied and it's positive after all. "Now you know how you really feel about it!" she says.
I reckon this is you.
Ditch the contraception and see what happens! You can't control everything in life and you shouldn't try
Besides, the closer together they are, the less time you have to wait before you can all go to Disneyland
now there's an incentive to wait!
You've made me think though, mistressploppy.
I was also $hit scared about having baby no 2, but I didn't want DS to be an only child and things were starting to get easier so I was afraid if we left it too long we'd never have another. Also, I went part time after DS and when they are both in school I hope to increase my hours so a smaller gap hopefully also means less time before I can be earning a bit more.
It's a difficult decision though isn't it! For us, if we'd have left it longer I am not sure it would have happened and I didn't want DS to be an only.
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