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Why can one little comment make me feel so inadequate?

(22 Posts)
jenna13 Wed 03-Aug-11 17:59:18

Just venting really. I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and have been having a bit of a difficult day, DD keeps feeding for one minute then falling asleep, refusing to wake back up to feed any more, but then as soon as i put her in the moses basket she's suddenly wide awake and screaming and wanting to feed again, she's been doing this since 3 am. I decided i should talk to my Grandma today as i haven't actually spoke to her since my DD was born (she lives in cyprus) and she asked me how i was doing and i gave the usual response of i'm fine just tired to which she replied 'well i always found it all just came naturally'. Why does such a little comment make me feel like a hopeless mother? I'm sure she wasn't saying it to make me feel like i'm not maternal but it makes me feel rubbish anyway. Am i always going to be this over sensitive now or is it just a hormone thing?

megkat Wed 03-Aug-11 18:03:25

Because you just had a baby 3 weeks ago - I think it is just a hormone thing. My Gran rang me just after DD1 was born and didn't stop talking about herslef - that wasn't unusual for her but i got so upset... hormones!

Don't take it personally smile

TheProvincialLady Wed 03-Aug-11 18:10:11

She's your grandma...presumably she had her babies quite some considerable time ago, and has her rosy tinted glasses on. Whereas you are exhausted, sleep deprived, hormonal and much much more sensitive to criticism than you ever will be at any other time in your life. I think most people are. Just look after yourselfsmile

ajandjjmum Wed 03-Aug-11 18:13:45

Those first few weeks are TOUGH. But I'm sure the memory fades after 50 years or so.

You're doing fine - don't expect too much of yourself. smile

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Wed 03-Aug-11 19:51:23

absoluly agree with others. It is hard work but your gran has forgotten that.

Btw what you describe re your lo's behaviour is very normal, but hard work. It does get easier but imo it's best to resign yourself to sitting and feeding and eating cake and watching daytime tv for a few more weeks.

Be kind to yourself. smile

Natzer Wed 03-Aug-11 19:58:38

she probably was meaning that it will will all come naturally for you too, it will get so much easier for you over the next few weeks, just make sure you have enough support and some sleep! x

jenna13 Wed 03-Aug-11 20:40:52

today really isn't going well, she carried on doing the only feeding for one minute thing until 7.30 and then she fed for 45 mins, she has never fed for that long before, is it because she's been starving all day? i hate this horrible feeling of responsibility, i know i'm the only person keeping her alive and its the most terrifying feeling. Also her poo has turned green, does that mean she's ill? if she is ill who would i ring, health visitor or gp? and do i need to register her with gp first or does it just happen automatically. if she got ill suddenly in the night, what do you do? go to a + e? i also hate that i dont know the answers to these questions, i feel like i should know. i wish i could just have a 5 minute rest from the crushing feeling of being the only person keeping her alive.

MavisG Wed 03-Aug-11 20:52:44

Green is good, midwife or hv first port of non emergency call, a&e if you're scared, but it's all very unlikely unless your baby's poorly already - mostly they just get colds and stuff.

It gets easier. I remember what you're describing though. Xx

MavisG Wed 03-Aug-11 20:55:17

And yes to register them w gp - your 6 week check up will do, they won't refuse to treat if you need them before then. But breastmilk's best for most bugs a baby would get anyway - back to the sofa and cake advice, really.

jenna13 Wed 03-Aug-11 21:15:30

Thank you, everything is making me panic today, this really is the scariest thing I've ever done.

Octaviapink Wed 03-Aug-11 21:16:07

Yes, sofa and cake. Breastfeeding is EXHAUSTING - you're not just sitting there doing nothing - your body is working hard. You need to remember that it's like going to the gym. It sounds like you're doing really well - remember that your baby is just working it all out too, and together you'll get through.

Remember you've got NHS Direct too - they're good around the clock - and you should have numbers for breastfeeding support. And us too!

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Wed 03-Aug-11 21:33:47

re the tiny feeds and then the massive one, they do this. They just chop and change all the time in the first three months or so. Just offer a boob as often as you can and trust your dd to take what she needs when she needs it.

Tbh with any health concerns (if you can't get hold of a mw or gp straight away) i'd post on here. If you are really worried just go to a and e. Some places have special childrens a and e's so you may want to check where to go, it night not be where you think.

But green poo is fine.

It's ok to feel are going through a monumental life changeing time. But it will be ok. This too shall pass, this too shall pass... smile

SunSoakedStone Wed 03-Aug-11 23:42:55

This is normal breastfeeding, really it is. It gets easier and easier, which I know isn't much comfort right now. Newborns have tiny, tiny stomachs which can't hold much to keep them going, they also don't always have much energy to stay awake during feeds. But when they do... 45 minutes is totally normal!

jenna13 Thu 04-Aug-11 02:49:36

Thank you everyone for making me feel better, it's easier if I can keep telling myself it's normal and will get better. Just wish she wanted to sleep!

TanteRose Thu 04-Aug-11 03:50:03

hope you are doing OK! 3 weeks is a growth spurt, so that is why she is feeding so much. By being close to your breast, she is encouraging your body to make more milk to keep up with her development.

it is quite miraculous how the connection between baby and mother (or at least, mum's boobs!) ensures that there is enough milk.

You need to trust your body - it knows what it is doing, but it does need the signals from your baby (like a hormone exchange - if she is close, your body picks up the signals of what she needs)

Again, with the 3 weeks growth spurt (and the 6 week growth spurt - be prepared) the sleep thing is secondary to the feeding. It does get progressively easier, and you will feel more and more confident, I promise! smile

It IS scary, I know I felt terrified! and the exhaustion doesn't help...

hang in there smile

EDD24may Thu 04-Aug-11 03:57:22

Have you tried taking her to bed with you and lying on your side to feed her so you can doze? that position saves my. Sanity on a daily basis! First few weeks are exhausting and don't feel guilty about taking babe to bed and refusing all visitors.perhaps ask to see health visitor (number in baby's red book) to talk through your questions and so she can signpost you to local services and support. Good does get better.ignore all "obs" found it easy" comments and remember if you see a. friend with baby who looks to be like mother earth incarnate she was probably in tears a few hours ago too! X

EDD24may Thu 04-Aug-11 04:00:03

Sorry " I found it easy" not obs....typing on phone with auto correct x

kitkey Thu 04-Aug-11 09:00:19

YANBU. Same as all the others really and don't fret about green poo - she is probably taking a lot of foremilk rather than hind milk with all that snacking. Don't swap breast for 3-4 hrs - keep offering the same one until she has a good feed. Check out the kelly mom website -

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Thu 04-Aug-11 09:29:11

kitkhere.een poo doesn't mean too much foremilk, it's normal. And the not swapping sides thing is called block feeding and normally used to reduce supply...not what is needed here.

I'm not an expert ( just spend too much time on here) so an ready to be corrected if i'm wrong. smile

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Thu 04-Aug-11 09:31:31

sorry phone should have said "kitkey green poo" at the start

TheProvincialLady Thu 04-Aug-11 09:33:14

I was just about to post the same, MoonFaceMamaaaaaargh.

Poo is green when it hasn't hung around long enough in the digestive tract to pick up whatever thing it is that makes it yellow (so my GP told me), but it is not a problem unless the baby is unwell and then you might want to mention it in the list of symptoms.

Notanexcitingname Thu 04-Aug-11 14:43:10

I see you've had good info on the bf/poo issue. I'd add that, tp me the "it all cam naturally" comment sounds to me as if it translates "I can't remember a bloody thing, but want to say something supportive".

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