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Take 5 mins to help me- DD going out with SIL

(6 Posts)
anon80 Tue 02-Aug-11 14:59:13

Hi,

Im an over protective mother ( I am aware of this but cant help it yet) my DD is 22 months, my oh's sister (24) has asked to take my DD out to meet her friend who has a baby roughly the same age, play date sort of thing. the sister is brilliant with my little girl and i dont doubt she will look after her but i dont know if im at all comfortable with this- the sister is responsable thou. I had a big fall out with her and dont talk to her nor like her much really at all anymore, although we play 'family' for the sake of the peace and the family, i say 'play' asi think i would be right in saying she cant stand me neither.

my DD has never been out anywhere/with someone without me my OH or my MIL being there so this worries me too.

what i think im trying to say is the sister is resposible and thinks the world of my dd and i do trust her with my dd, but wouldnt be willing to put my dd health/safty on it. I dont think i dont want my dd to go because i dont like the sister ( pretty sure but not 100% )

would you think its ok for my DD to go or not? am i being silly All advise welcome

EldritchCleavage Tue 02-Aug-11 15:36:35

Look, it would in all likelihood be absolutely fine, and you know that really. What would worry me slightly is that you and SIL do not have a strong enough relationship to manage issues like this with honesty and trust.

If SIL really annoyed you by doing something you think is unsuitable, would you be able to talk to her about it? Do you communicate well? Do you trust her to carry out your parenting wishes? Can you have a clear the air talk with her and get all this discussed in the open?

If not, then say no. It would probably be a nice treat for DD, but she doesn't actually need SIL to be taking her on playdates-she's got you.

I would say no to my SIL for this reason. SIL, though batty, would probably look after DS ok, but the slightest wrinkle in the arrangement would cause a problem because even the mildest raising of an issue with her would result in WWIII.

Iggly Tue 02-Aug-11 15:40:23

Why would you let your DD go out with someone you don't get on with?

I wouldn't even if I thought theyd be responsible.

Maybe resolve your differences first.

Also seems odd - this isn't your SIL's kid just her friends kid? Let them come to yours then'

p99gmb Tue 02-Aug-11 19:40:22

I wouldn't let my dd go out with someone I "did not really like anymore" - you'll not rest whilst she's gone, you'll worry..

I'm not one for 'playing' happy families...

what if she did something you didn't like - could you honestly tell her without it causing even more bad feeling... not worth the risk...

Octaviapink Tue 02-Aug-11 20:07:14

I say no. You're clearly not comfortable with it and I agree with Iggly - seems weird that your SIL wants to take your child out to play with her friend's child. Like she's pretending to have a child of her own, or something. I wouldn't do it.

swash Tue 02-Aug-11 20:18:23

Definitely say no. 22 months is still very little so it is fine to be protective and to go with your instincts - even if you don't have a strong 'reason' to say no. Your SIL needs to have a relationship with you in order to have a relationship with your dd - it's silly to try to cut out the mother imo.

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