Rant Alert: my (namechanged) name says it all, really(14 Posts)
I have just so had it with this parenting lark (4 DCs 8 and younger).
I am bored, annoyed, short-tempered, not nice to the kids and resentful.
I know they'll get older and 'this too shall pass', but just find myself positively seething every waking minute.
I never thought I'd be the perfect Earth Mother who'd embrace and love every precious moment with her offspring, but I'd really like to enjoy it sometimes. And not to be sworn at, hit, kicked, scratched, pawed, commands yelled at, every request is met with 'No', everything is physically so hard as usually done against resistance. There is so little cooperation, imaginative play, I am at constant tenterhooks for the next wail/punch/fall.
Please tell me that some of you feel similar. At times.
And wherever I go, I am literally wherever, there are other people's children behaving not brilliantly, but what I'd consider 'normal' ie nice as a default setting with intermittent arguments/melt-down. With mine it seems to be the other way around .
I have seriously thought about running away (well, ok, not seriously, no plans or anything, just phantasised about it) if I didn't think it would seriously damage them and be increadible selfish.
I find myself counting the years until the youngest is in school or they are all out of the house.
I chose to have 4 kids, they were all planned and are loved, but O. M. G., nobody told me it would be so hard for so long.
I sympathise i have days where i think all i have done is shout and get cross.
They constantly wind each other up and fight - it drives me mad.
Everytime i have a conversation with the oldest who is 10 it is an argument - simple things - he got up and told me he wanted to go to the Park today - ok i said - oh no i dont want to go ive changed my mind - well we are going as that is the plan today - que sulking and huffing and puffing.
I asked him to clear the table last night - he had to come back to the table 4 times and every bloody time there was an issue or attitude from him.
I look at his friends and dont see them talking to their parents like he does. But Im sure they do.
I think sometime you have to start afresh in your head and try a different tactic - I am today refusing to repeat myself
I sympathise it is bloody hard work! Do you work? I have just gone back to work and its great - I get a break from them
Yes, I do work and recognise that that is one of the things keeping me sane - just. And of course it has its own pressures.
I would love to bake with my kids, or have fun days out, or play in the garden, or do some arts and crafts.
But everything I initiate descends into chaos . They behave differently for DH and for their CM btw.
You are right, the constant fighting is horrible. And I am also fed up with the never ending cheerleading: 'Yeah, you put one sock on, now how about the other?'.
When I am really honest, I just feel useless and that I overestimated my parenting abilities and should have stopped at 2.
You can seperate 2 children fighting, but you cannot do that and stop the other 2 running away/pulling somebody's hair/falling off a cliff.
On on earth people with even more kids do it, I don't know.
Maybe I should have posted this in 'Larger families'?
It sounds like you really need a break away from everyone on your own. Is there any way you can get someone to look after all of them for a whole day and, ideally, night? If you could have a proper break it might press the re-set button and help you out of what sounds like a bit of a rut. I have a 3.4 yo DS and a 16 month DD and I'm constantly wondering how on earth people can possibly have more than two. I work 3 days a week so I at least get a break then and on and off we have grandparents visiting which makes it all far more enjoyable.
I have a LOT of days like you describe and I only have 2. They are 18 months apart (4 & 5) and they play beautifully about 5% of the time and fight like mortal enemies the other 95%. I can't stand it and am sometimes as a loss as to what to do, can often not workout who hit who and how to deal.
I would not normally have posted (I usually just lurk) but I had a really bad day today where I really wasn't a good parent at all and have been sitting here for most of the afternoon feeling awful, guilty, embarrassed etc and your post struck a chord with me.
I have no answers for you, but i wanted you not to feel alone (I often do, watching other parents speak lovingly to their children while I am screaming like a banshee).
Meeshamie and Oggy, thanks for posting. It is good to be reminded that I am not the only one who just feels overwhelmed and Crap At Everything sometimes.
Yes, some time totally on my own would be great, but not very likely. DH works v long hours and some weekends, we have no family locally and much as my CM is great, I don't want to abuse her flexibility (and she has family herself, therefore cannot babysit for us).
TBH, things with DH aren't going great, no dramas, just no time together, no intimacy, next to no conversation beyond stuff about the children.
Having said that, today was a better day: half day at work, half day at home. Things were ok until dinnertime; cue DC3 hanging on my trouseleg whinging for 'sweeties, sweeties, sweeties', DC4 on my arm screaming because overtired while I try to cook. Elf and Safety would have been appalled...
Anyway, they are now all in bed. <<swigs >>
Except mine are never in bed so early!!
Everyone who is honest about things feel crap and overwhelmed sometimes. I know I do. Parenting is bloody hard work. Especially with little support.
You are definately not alone. Find things that get you through and come on here and get it off your chest.
ragged, they are in bed because 16 month old DC4 slept a grand total of 28 minutes during the day today (not that I am counting or anything...) and DC3 has just very suddenly dropped their afternoon sleep altogether and come 7/half 7 he literally sways with tiredness - quite amusing but a sure fire sign for major melt-down at the least provocation: like his favourite spoon placed 1 inch too far away from his plate. I could only just prevent him from flinging tortellini with Red Sauce (only colour acceptable for pasta sauces, natch) across the kitchen. Would not have been the first time he'd done it either.
Am I a Bad Person for being glad that the description of how I feel strikes a chord with you?? Thank you all for owning up .
Yesterday I thought I might be premenstrual, but surely if I was then I am more so today, so why am I feeling better? Must be the half day at work...
Oh this is so me!
I have 4DC and I feel like my blood pressure is so high every day. I DREAD holidays and probably shout way too much. The kids fight too, and going out with them is a nightmare. I often look around at other mums and think they are so calm and know what they're doing, but we probably all have moments of being overwhelmed.
Just know you are not alone.
You sound overwhelmed. Why not consider parenting classes ? If you have a situation where your children are swearing, hitting & scratching it would help to learn how to take control of it all ?
I took parenting classes. And read loads of relevant books. They almost all made me feel even more rubbish. It always comes across as so simple in the books/class scenarios, never like that in real life.
Thats a shame Ragged, However, you have to be prepared to take on what is being taught and commit to it. You need to take what you learn and apply it to 'real life' - nothing happens by magic, it has to be put into practise.
Children won't change until you change so of course it won't work if you give up.
Why did they make you feel more rubbish ? Isn't that more about you and not them ?
When mine are being turds, I force them to sit on the sofa with me, one on either side, not allowed to speak to each other (only me) and watch boring grown up TV.
They soon decide that they prefer each other to boring ol' mum
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