My 2.9 year old's behaviour is beginning to worry me. Help please!

[ccj2011]

I have a very energetic and spirited young son. The phrase "When he is good he is very very good but when he is bad, he's awful!" could not be truer. However, the bad seems to be on the increase.

Examples: when an adult or a child approaches him to say hello I hold my breath. The majority of the time he takes this as an opportunity to scream at them, shout or even push and hit out. Can be so embarrassing and totally unnessary. If he does shout or scream I tell him it is wrong and that he should just say hello or even walk away. Still the shouting continues.

He can be quite aggressive, hitting and pushing other children, normally if they are invading what he sees as 'his space' or getting to close to 'his toys'. At home he often lashes out and me or my husband if things don't go his way. He will always says sorry to the victim after but this really isn't good enough.

I have tried remaining calm and explaining why what he does is wrong. I use the timeout step (which works to a degree with a sorry after), I have shouted (he shouts back - doesn't work but sometime I loose my cool!) and taken away priveleges. The bad behaviour still continues.

I have a 5 month old baby, whom my DS1 is very gentle with, largely ignores and shows no animosity, but my time is now more limited.

I take them to the park every day, round to friends houses, football classes (which he loves) - lots of activities to keep him active and engaged. He is allowed a little TV every day, which he loves (a little too much).

There seems to be so much pent up anger and aggression. He talks and communicates extremely well so I've ruled out any frustration there. When I ask why he does things he says he doesn't know.

Help please! Surely he isn't the only 2 year old with these characteristics? I am beginning to think we should shut ourselves away. I desperately don't want him to become the child that everyone avoids and ends up with no friends!

[faverolles]

Sorry, I don't have much advice, but my 6yo sounds quite similar - he's always been a real livewire, and I get that baited breath feeling when we see people approach.
It's always been a case of damage limitation with him!

Has he got worse since having another baby? It may be worth trying to make sure you get regular 1-1 with him and really praise him for any good behaviour.
Sorry I can't advise more than that. I posted so you knew you weren't alone with this!