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Light at the end of the tunnel?(10 Posts)
Someone make me feel better! My 8 month old DD is driving me mad! She has literally whined and cried all day. She cries when I leave the room (I mean properly screams), she whines to be picked up constantly and then wants to grab things she can't have so has a tantrum. I can't get anything done as I have to be sat on the floor playing with her or she is crying. Even when playing she stops what she is doing about every thirty seconds to climb on me/ get closer. Even when I am holding her she tries to burrow closer, especially if there are other people around.
My sister tells me I need to leave her to cry so she gets the message that she isn't going to be picked up all the time but what I have read about attachment tells me I have to meet her needs and if that is carrying her around I need to do it. But I am struggling with lack of sleep (she has decided she needs me in the night too) and I feel like I need a break or I am going to combust! She starts nursery in 5 weeks time (I am going back to work) and I am dreading it as she hates me leaving so much.
What can I do to improve this situation, if anything? I know the easy answer is 'get a sling' but she weighs 24lb and I can't carry her for long!
Is there someone who could take over - parents/siblings/friend - to mind her while you get a break. My DD was much less clingy with other people than with me. I personally wouldn't give her to your sister though if she's going to leave her to cry
I phoned DH in tears and he came home and helped to put her to bed even though Friday is his pub night normally. It's the weekend, so will be OK til Monday and DH has organised a babysitter for Sunday night so we can go out. But I am still dreading Monday! My mum is helpful but she lives 30 miles away and I can't afford the petrol to drive over more than once a week. My sister's LO is only a few weeks older and is very placid and calm and I think she just doesn't understand the extent of DD's clingyness
yes, there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel, in around 2 years, it should get easier sorry
on a more constructive note, although for a strong attachment to form, yes of course you have to meet your baby's needs, it is very unrealistic to never let her cry at all, when her basic needs are already met. So of course you would obviously make sure that she is not hungry, thirsty, tired, needs nappy change, and so on, and I am not suggesting that you leave her crying for half an hour, but i think that if it is in the day, and she wants you to carry her constantly for no obvious reason, you will make matters worse if you just do it. she is at an age where she will cry for your attention, because she is bored, or frustrated, and whilst those feelings are valid, and not to be ignored, if she never experiences them, she will never learn how to deal with them. i think you have to strike a balance between priotising your 'attachment' with her/her to you, your sanity, and also her future ability to cope with a variety of emotions
Thank you, that makes sense. I think I am going to try ten minute bursts- ten minutes with her, then ten minutes doing something else while she plays (accompanied by frantic singing and chat!), while I am in the house. And organise more going out activities! I don't mind taking her with me round the house but I need her to sit on the floor near me while I am busy.
At least she's asleep now, I think I'll be off to bed!
My LO was very clingy too and I have to admit nursery and me going back to work part time has been great for both of us, so perhaps not something to dread.
I may get flamed for this, but a few sanity minutes of beebies every now and then may be worth a try!
We have woken up to a very snotty nose and a top tooth peeping through- no wonder she was very sad yesterday! And, I don't care if I get flamed- sometimes I need Waybuloo so I can have a cup of tea!
Magnum, I am glad nursery is working for you. I have to go back full time for financial reasons so I am worried about that but I can leave at 4 sometimes (I'm a teacher) so hopefully it will be OK.
I just posted a very simialr thread about my almost one year old who has been like this for a couple of months now. It is horrible isn't. I LOVE waybuloo,. For me I just wnat to know it is normal and there isn;t soemthing wrong with DD/me!
how about getting a sling or baby carrier? Then you could get all your chores done, while carrying her without having to go to and fro from baby to housework.
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