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Have a beautiful new baby but keep losing my temper with my gorgeous toddler and can't stop crying.

(9 Posts)
stottiecake Fri 22-Jul-11 23:00:10

Oh help.
probably hormones all over the place.
Had my baby on tuesday, home wednesday. Obviously ds 1 (2.8) is completely fascinated by ds2 - wants to touch, kiss, stroke which we are encouraging and using positive language but am finding it really hard.
I am missing the relationship I had with ds 1 and feel guilty and sad that that part of his growing up is gone. I am a sahm and we have spent every day together having various adventures. Now I'm just a snapping emotional harpy and I feel so guilty and I just want it to be alright again.
It's a bit like having really bad home sickness. Am all over the place.

emkana Fri 22-Jul-11 23:03:17

Cut yourself some slack, it's completely normal and very early days. Ideally this is the time for your toddler to strengthen the bond with the dad or maybe other relatives, could Anybody take them out for the day so that you can rest with the baby?

emkana Fri 22-Jul-11 23:03:33

Take him out

EllieG Fri 22-Jul-11 23:06:25

Am sure someone will come along with some amazing advice - but until they do - I think you sound completely normal, and that you are doing a great job. Is hard with one, let alone 2, and your eldest will be OK and survive with a slightly grumpy mummy - he knows you love him dearly. Give yourself a break and have an un-Mnetty hug from me. Be really kind to yourself and take as much support as possible x

kippersandjam Fri 22-Jul-11 23:13:53

feel for you- what an emotional time for you? is dh/dp about on paternity to play with ds1 and help? he will really get a good bond with if he is. if not, try to rest lots and i when in this situation used the time sitting bf to read with ds1, watch dvd's like madagascar, bit of cbb's, chat to him etc. you can get ds1 to help lots, get nappies, wipes, cloths etc? how lovely he likes the new baby and wants to get to know him! keep it up, my ds1 and dd1 with the same age gap are now great friends 2 years on and when i tell them to calm down, loo at each other and laugh like drainssmile

when you feel like going out, it will all be ok again, taking the baby out - he will sleep probably, and you can still have fun! i used to bf in cafes, getting ds a muffin and reading stories, people watching, feeding ducks, ... just take it easy, you have just had a baby. ds1 likes this new adventure with the baby, and a time at home relaxing and playing with you and alone by himself will be nice for him. good luck and you can spend the morning in pj's- it will be fun, its different, and he is not judging you...

stottiecake Fri 22-Jul-11 23:25:26

thanks for all your replies. Good to hear it is normal.

Dh is self employed so no paternity leave but is his own boss so he has been able to juggle work around to get ds1 out a couple of times a day. I was meant to join them today - just a trip to sainsbury's in the car but ds2 kept pooing then ds1 fell asleep whilst changing ds2s nappy for the 3rd time etc etc so in the end dh just took ds1 on his own.

I guess it's just one day at a time. Mum in law (who is lovely) would like to come and stay but am feeling so all over the place the strain of holding it together and not being able to cry when I need to just feels like such hard work even though I know she just wants to help.

And also am completely disorganised - have no pram or sling for ds2 - we are still unsure of how to get about with him as ds1 still likes to have his pram when we go out even though he doesn't always use it. Actually we do have a sling but it's much too complicated for one person to operate!!!

Need a sling.

TheSecondComing Fri 22-Jul-11 23:29:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stottiecake Fri 22-Jul-11 23:41:28

thanks - will have a look at that thread.
The new baby appears to be quite chilled so far so this is a massive bonus (I couldn't ever put ds1 down without him screaming sad) so me and ds1 had an uninterupted tea tonight.

defo need to organise a basket of crap!!!

kellysreps Fri 22-Jul-11 23:41:39

hi - I really feel for you - my boys are 7, 5 and 2.5 and I know how hard it seems when you have a new baby and a toddler. You think theres no end to it. It does get easier. My advice would be to take any help that's offered to you. Let your mother in law come to stay and does it really matter if she sees you cry. she's had a baby so she'll know how your feeling. This won't last long - you'll get into a routine and you'll be fine. I found lots of different playgroups locally and went to 5 different ones each day - they really helped x

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