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deliberately weeing on bed / floor - what punishment and how to stop it ?

(9 Posts)
sparkle1977 Wed 20-Jul-11 10:42:23

Please someone help me!!

Recently we have been potty training 3 year old DS. He has completely got it and knows full well to wee in the toilet and will do so without problems.

However a couple of times lately he has been upstairs and has wee'd on his bedroom carpet on purpose. Yesterday he did it but this time all over his bed.

When I asked him what had happened he just outright said he wee'd on his bed because he thought it was fun. Now me and DH have tried to ignore this bad behaviour, clean up the mess and remind DS to use the toilet only in future etc. We have tried smacking him, taking away a fav toy, not letting him have any food treats. He is not really fussed by any of these "punishments" and just continues on. Some days he is fine and doesn't do this but other days he just seems to think its fun.

How would you punish him and how do we get this behaviour to stop ?? Am at a complete loss as to what to do next.

sparkle1977 Wed 20-Jul-11 13:24:59

Please don't tell me that its only my child that does such naughty things ??!

Madlizzy Wed 20-Jul-11 13:40:28

Rather than reverting to negative attention, which he's getting in spades, praise him to the high heavens for dry days again. Smacking teaches him nothing here. A star chart may work for him and if he goes a whole day dry, then give him a little non food treat, such as an extra bedtime story, extra time with you etc.

DoMeDon Wed 20-Jul-11 13:45:03

I would always ask him why he did it, I would explain it is not funny and not nice behaviour. I would make him clean up EVERY time (obviously you will have to make sure it's finished off right but at 3 he can do the majority). I'd keep an eye on when he does it too - you say he is upstairs. Is he alone playing, maybe bored and trying to get attention? There may be some odd 'child logic' behind it. Might be something you can nip in the bud that way. I would also give time out time for 3 minutes as a punishment - mean mummy alert!!

I would be consistent - decide how you want to address it and continue with that approach come hell or high water - seems from your post that you have tried lots of things. I understand if one way doesn't work you automatically think of trying something else, but firm and constant is the only way.

I disagree with totally ignoring bad behaviour - I understand not making a fuss or giving lots of attention to it and to focus on the good more than bad but completely ignoring sends the wrong message.

gingergaskell Wed 20-Jul-11 13:57:58

Sparkle I've got experience in this as a child {I was incontinent from urinary reflux} and my own daughter currently.
She is 3 and has been potty trained for a year and often regresses, at times constantly wetting even though she knows perfectly well, physically speaking, how to go to the loo.

I'd strongly recommend against punishing his behaviour. As you've noted it won't actually change his behaviour and instead the negative responses could easily turn the issue into an ongoing battle of wills between you and create stress for him that actually perpetuates, rather than the helps the problem.

I'm afraid you can't 'make' him not do it, it's a phase, hopefully a short lived one, so patience is the answer.
Since in his case he has just started, it seems most likely he is not ready. IE even though he can physically do it, he still wants to be cleaned up / babied by you. You can consider putting him in nappies again and trying again later.

What will help is positive reinforcement. Start the day with getting him excited about not wetting today. Every time he successfully goes to the loo, let him know what a great job he is doing. Make it so that the attention he is looking for he gets when he does keep himself dry, not when he wees elsewhere.

You can also try taking him every hour / whatever time period would suit him as far as not wetting himself in between, to help bladder train him, if it's a case of him not being fussed about going because he is busy with something else.

I know you've not had many responses here yet, but it IS really common, so don't be to upset with your son or yourself {altough I know it's incredibly frustrating!} What he is doing is quite 'normal' not 'naughty'. smile

MoreBeta Wed 20-Jul-11 14:07:52

It is attention seeking behaviour. We have friends who have a DD who did this on the living room floor during a party while we and other people were there. Purely because her parents were talking to other people and not her. She gets a lot of devoted attention normally and just could not handle the jealous feeling that she was not the centre of attention for once.

Make him clean it up, no smacking, just reward good behaviour. Don't discuss or ask why he did it - that just feeds the 'reward' of getting fussed over and your gaining your sole attention.

gingergaskell Wed 20-Jul-11 14:16:53

I think I cross posted with DMD, so just wanted to reiterate again that this is not actually 'bad' behaviour, that's why punishing isn't working for you.
I'll try and find some statistics for you to reassure yourself it's a perfectly normal reaction to potty training, loads of kids do what your son is doing.

As I mentioned I had a lot of issues myself as a child, so at least now with my daughter am in a good position to know what makes a difference.
Shaming {IE saying you're lazy, making them clean up after themselves and calling it dirty etc} is actually really damaging, because they are not actually properly trained yet, therefore can't help it.

I know your son {and my daughter} DOES know how to physically do it. The point is they are not emotionally ready for it.
For example with my daughter she is regressing in a lot of other ways {acting like a baby in her talking and crawling etc}.
If it's regression then pushing them away {punishing etc} makes it worse.

With your son it might be that he isn't yet {since he's only just started} bothered about going all the time. He is used to weeing in his nappy, so if he's upstairs {and needs to come down for the loo?} and playing his priority is going to be playing.
Bladder training as I mentioned above is the best way to tackle that.

DoMeDon Wed 20-Jul-11 14:30:52

I understand about regression but I took it from OP's 'totally got it' that she thinks it is not that. IMO there is also a difference between wetting pants during regression and deliberatley weeing on the floor. It may be his way of saying he's not emotionally ready, it may also be his way of getting a reaction. OP is best one to judge that.

DC do things for attention and 'fun' when they know they shouldn't. That is the definition of bad behaviour. DSD stopped weeing in her knickers (she was too 'busy' to go to the toilet) when she started being taken home from wherever we were instead of being changed into dry clothes. She also pooed on the floor once for 'fun'- she cleaned it up and did time out - she never did it again.

sparkle1977 Wed 20-Jul-11 15:09:05

Thanks for all the replies.

I don't think it is "regression" as such, DS knows and will do wees in the right place most of the time but on this occasion in particular was playing upstairs for 10 mins with his older DS and decided that it would be fun to pull down trousers and wee onto his bed covers, IMO its more him trying to gain attention.

Neither are these incidents matters of him being too busy playing etc. They are plain deliberate.

I think I will take the tack of making him clean up/time out and not making any more fuss of it than that, hopefully its a phase like all these things.....just a frustrating one.

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