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how do i increase dds confidence? (4.0)

(7 Posts)
familyfun Wed 20-Jul-11 10:14:15

dd is on her last week of nursery and still comes for another hug before i leave and has bad weeks when she runs after me or cries and has to be handed to teacher (normally in her arms/lap) rather than sitting with frends.

she has made friends and enjoys her time there but her report said she needs lots of adult support.

at the park/soft play she wants us to follow her round everywhere even when playing with other kids.

she wont go anywhere without us except trips with grandparents.

she wont go to swimming lessons/gym as we would be watching not joining in.

she doesnt seem to play alon well (maybe ive played too much with her) she alays asks what "we" are going to play and if im busy will sit by me/follow me and ask for tv on.

its like she cant think for herself, she has to be told every step of everyday tasks and if i dont say anything she just stands there, eg get dressed isnt enough i have to specify put on pants now socks etc.

how over the 6 weeks hols can i help her gain confidence?

lukewarmmama Wed 20-Jul-11 10:18:17

She's still little, at age 4 its not that unusual. I would continue to be as supportive and loving as you can, and that in itself should give her the confidence to become more independent later on - especially once she starts school.

Also, have you tried music or drama classes (where you stay as well of course)? They are pretty good fun, and good at getting the kids up and 'performing' by themselves.

familyfun Wed 20-Jul-11 10:42:15

she used to do baby drama where she acted out stories and she loved it and would act out storieson her own infront of the lovely teacher but its school time so she has missed classes this year.
she wont go swimming/ballet/dance/gym as we have to sit on the side and she wont join in she just cries.
ive tried playing more with her and happily following her round the park as requested and then backing off slightly hoping she will carry on alone, she doesnt she follows me to the bench and sits with me.
at the park if she is with a group of friends and all us moms are sitting chatting shewill come and try and sit with us adults and find an adult to chat to/entertain.
she likes older children, i presume because they tell her what to do.

lukewarmmama Wed 20-Jul-11 12:21:07

Well if the drama classes went down well before, can you find a holiday classes or saturday morning classes?

Really, she is still very young, I don't think you should worry about it as much as you seem to be. (although I can imagine it gets a bit wearing not having a break!)

familyfun Thu 21-Jul-11 09:48:39

i do worry as all the kids in her class run in happily and at the park they all run off to pkay and im the only one left with a child clinging to her and i worry how will she ever get on if she doesnt break free a bit.

i will look for sat classes but it seems that 3+ they expect kids to stay alone with parents leaving or in another room and dd just wont have it.

lukewarmmama Thu 21-Jul-11 10:33:38

Whereabouts in the country are you? Maybe try mumsnet local for ideas of classes? I think the franchises will all be as you say - expect the parents to go - but any independent classes might not be (we go to one where I sit in with my 3 and 2 year olds, and will do so until they're off to school).

Failing that, how about looking for some books for some ideas? I've seen recommendations on here for this series of books here Might not be exactly the thing for you, but some of the others linked to on that page might help? Also this one

Also, is it worth scheduling a proper chat with the nursery/pre-school, just to talk through your worries and ask them basically whether they think she needs any additional help, or whether she's just a bit young in confidence terms and not to worry?

Once she starts school she will have to 'break free' a bit anyway, so maybe focus on making the start of school as exciting and positive as possible to help with this?

Sorry, I have no real experience, just trying to bump for you, and help a little (dd1 is quite shy, but seems to be getting more confident).

familyfun Sun 24-Jul-11 20:32:41

midlands, will look fr more classes smile
at parents evening the teacher said she has phases of being extra clingy but does play with the other kids and has made good friendships, she just needs extra support at times and will improve as her confidence builds.
she told us to praise her and not correct her if she reads/writesthings wrong just praise her trying.

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