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Need to move and children don't want to go - help!

(3 Posts)
Shewal Tue 19-Jul-11 14:19:48

Hi everyone, just looking for some words of advice as to what we should do. Briefly, I am in my 50s, my husband in his 40s. We look after his two children from a previous marriage, a girl aged 15 and a boy, 12 - my husband has full custody of them, his ex-wife has "no order" visitation with them so currently it's every other weekend, by agreement and a couple of weeks during the summer. She originally fought for custody of them through the courts but it was decided by the courts that she couldn't look after them.

We have to move away from where we are currently living because we just can't afford it any more. The children do not want to go and have expressed a wish to stay with their mother, because they don't want to leave their friends/schools etc. We tried to arrange a handover period with their mother, where they could spend several weeks all getting used to each other, before we moved away. This was all agreed and everyone was happy.

Their mother today (with interference and "advice" from her family) has announced that she's got too much going on in her life and she can't take the children for this period. I'm at my wit's end. I want what's best for the children ultimately, but I also have to think of my husband and my financial instability in the future if we stay here. Not getting any younger makes is all the more scary for me. Any soothing words of advice or practical tips to help get us through this?

Thanks for your time!

Octaviapink Tue 19-Jul-11 19:02:54

I think the children are old enough to understand why you have to move house - ie that you can't afford it any more. Are you moving a really long way? Will it be a complete upheaval for them? Their mother sounds pretty selfish and they are best off with you, I'm sure, but thinking they have the potential option to stay with her must be very attractive for them. Hard to explain that their mother doesn't want them to be with her.

Can you involve them as much as possible in the move? They come with you to look round houses, investigate the area, visit the schools etc.

Shewal Tue 19-Jul-11 21:26:37

Thank you Octaviapink. We think we'll try to involve the children more in the potential move and see if that works. It's all a bit fraught here. We've only been married a couple of years and all this trauma is a big strain! Thanks for your advice.

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