seemingly unhappy 8 year old.(3 Posts)
Hi there, my ds is 8 years old and a lovely funloving bright boy. He has just got a glowing report from school, is academically flying and popular. So far so good!
The problem lies primarily at home, he is an only child and has undoubtedly always been spoilt with my time. I work part time from home so am always there for him, attend everything he does sporting or at school and make sure that he gets my attention, however he can be exceptionally demanding, rude and off hand.
He also has an explosive temper which can be triggered by the smallest thing, turning of the laptop, losing at football, being told no. He did have a few rough play issues at school but they are more than happy with him now with no issues at all for the last couple of terms. I hate seeing him so cross, unhappy and angry, often with himself, he gives himself such a hard time.
This morning he had the laptop on before school, a rare last week of term treat, I asked him to turn it off 4 times, then presented him with the finger of doom and switched it off myself mid game (oh the cheek of it!!), what he did next shocked me, he tried to slam my hand in laptop and kept pushing until I shouted at him. Me doing the mature thing cried which made him cry and all before 8.30!!!!
This is a rare physical example, but he does shout or say unkind things. He has to go to his room or lose something, there is always a consequence and he calms down within seconds and immediately is apologetic and concerned at what he has done. Its almost like he can't help himself.
DH was apparently similiar at his age, (family legend has it that he once managed to squeeze a mattress out his bedroom window in fit of temper, the first his mum know about it was when he went outside and dragged it back through the kitchen and up the stairs!!) but because he was one of 3 boys was just left to his own devices. DH still has it in him, but at 44 he is able to control it and go and smack a golf ball somewhere. He really struggles seeing DS like this as he knows how tough and awful he feels.
We have a long 6 week break in front of us and any advice on being able to just chill him out and not take things so seriously and to heart would be appreciated.
do you have/can you get a trampoline? they are marvellous for quickly disipating (?spelling) excess emotion/fustration/tension. for adults too. My dd is 11 and we have had some very angry moments over the last 2-3 years - but she really does seem to be growing out of it (touch wood)
One of the hardest things is not to take it personally - don;t handle it like the mother you are who loves her son more than anything in the world - try to handle it objectively. all that stuff about deep breaths, leaving the room, not "caring" (by which I mean imposing a penalty in such a way as it's his loss - almost cheerfully "oh dear that means 5 minutes upstairs doesn;t it. that's a shame") - they all work better, imho, than getting shouty. (not saying you do get shouty - I just know that I do sometimes and it doesn;t help!).
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