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For the love of God someone help me before I go mad.

(19 Posts)
TrulySlumptious Mon 18-Jul-11 21:23:08

I am losing the plot, I have 5 dc one is a toddler and one is a teen, the other 3 are between 5 and 10.

The teen is a typical moody teen he does wind the girls up a lot, up to the point of them crying sometimes. I have grounded taken away his console and his phone I have also grounded him before. He just dosen't listen and will cause chaos for the sake of it or at least that is what it feels like to me.

The 3 girls though are doing my head in I seriously can't cope with their behaviour anymore and I am in pieces and feel like a shit mum.

They older two trash their room almost everyday I make them clean it but I go back in and it is trashed again. They bicker and hurt each other they stomp and screech from seven in the morning, I am constantly telling them to shush.

I feel like a crap mum, dp thinks we have done a crap job and I am wondering where it all went wrong. I know they are capable of being good though they get excellent school reports, 2 of them are classed as g&t in certain subjects. I cook them nice meals I read to them every day we go out and do nice things and I make sure they are comfortable and secure. People tell me what lovely kids I have and don't believe it if I tell them how they act at home.

They have me in tears every day, I put the 5 year old in bed at 7 and she is still awake because the 9 year old has been telling her ghost stories all I can hear upstairs is giggling, crying and banging I have been up about 20 times and split them up as soon as I come back down they are running around. Then tomorrow morning they will be miserable and tired.

I have done reward charts and everything none of them will listen and if I do go in and really shout then toddler wakes up and will not go back to sleep.

DP and I are on the verge of splitting up he works through the evening so I am on my own.

I don't know what to do and I hate myself but I am starting to dislike them.

TrulySlumptious Mon 18-Jul-11 21:33:59

Little needy bump

frantic51 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:38:41

Oh dear, don't really know what to say but feel for you and didn't want you to feel even more alone. Is the teen your only boy? Which girls share a bedroom?

Oakmaiden Mon 18-Jul-11 21:38:57

Oh, this sounds so familiar (although on a smaller scale - I only have the three.)

I don't really know what to suggest though. Is there any way you can send them to bed gradually rather than all at the same time?

And I find black bin bags help for persistently untidy rooms - I tell my children that if they don't care enough about their toys to look after them then they don't care enough to keep them. You don't have to actually throw them away - you could just put the stuff in the loft until they have "earnt" them back...

talkingnonsense Mon 18-Jul-11 21:43:18

Oh dear I don't think I can help but didn't want to ignore you! If they are lovely when out then you ARE doing a good job, they are probably just venting at home. Could you have a big family meeting and make say 3 big rules and let the rest go? Can you wear them out with more exercise? Give the teen some espxtra privileges for extra responsibilities? Find separate activities for the middle girls especially if they are close in age? Get some more time and space for yourself- cleaner, older teen to play with the littles, online shopping? If they are good out of the house that is excellent you know! Give yourself a reward for that.

TrulySlumptious Mon 18-Jul-11 21:43:54

I do send them gradually the 5 year old has a story and goes up about 7 and then the 9 and 8 year old go up at about 8/8.30.

The 8 & 9 share a room I sometimes put one in my room but as soon as I go down they are diving in and out of rooms and slamming doors.

Teen is the only boy.

SingingSands Mon 18-Jul-11 21:44:23

Oh you poor thing. I only have two kids, who were sent to bed early tonight for fighting, I can't imagine adding another 3 into the mix!

Would it work if you ordered some pizza, got all 5 kids around the table together and gave them a heartfelt talk about respecting their mother, each other and the family as a unit? No blaming, no shaming, but open and honest discussion about how their individual behaviour has an effect on everybody? Something along the lines of "How you behave at home is making me sad, I would like us to be happier together at home, shall we start making some ground rules for the house?" then whip out a bit of paper and write down everybody's ideas? Then stick it on a place where they can all see it (the fridge?!). Sorry if it sounds a bit supernanny, but if you write down what they suggest, you can then turn round at a later date and point out they are breaking their own rules!

God, I hope that doesn't sound patronising. I don't have 5 kids, I struggle with the 2 I've got most of the time, but you sound so down I couldn't just read and run.

TrulySlumptious Mon 18-Jul-11 21:48:03

Talkingnonsense: We had a family meeing two weeks ago and all talked about what we could all do to make things better but they just decided they would rather be naughty.

We walked for 3 hours yesterday and still they were up and down and the 5 year old threw a tantrum in the middle of the night to get in my bed.

We have a huge garden and they all have bikes.

Teen has jobs for pocket money but is still a moody sod but I can cope with him as I know it is mainly raging hormones.

Thankyou though smile

TrulySlumptious Mon 18-Jul-11 21:49:43

I am down both dp and I have run out of ideas, they are horrible and I just don't know why.

talkingnonsense Mon 18-Jul-11 21:56:13

Oh lovie can you have a day off? You can't be a bad mum, really. Could u withdraw the reading and the nice meals for a bit? Do they really know hoe much they are upsetting you? Could grandparents take one or two fog a night? Or beg a good friend to have a sleepover - I really think you and dp need a break.

Scootergrrrl Mon 18-Jul-11 21:59:21

Let the older ones live in a tip in their bedrooms if they can't be bothered to keep them tidy - just shut the door and grit your teeth, as long as the mess stays behind the door.
The middle girls are old enough to know better than to piss about at bedtime. Extreme sanctions are called for IMO - messing about at bedtime leads to bedtime starting earlier and earlier in order to allow for the messing about wink. Stay completely calm and uninterested- don't shout, don't get cross, don't threaten. Just make bedtime five minutes earlier tomorrow very time you have to deal with silly behaviour after lights out. And cut yourself some slack - you can't be doing so bad if they are lovely when out.
Apologies for terse post - I'm on my phone and it's hard to type!

TrulySlumptious Mon 18-Jul-11 22:05:43

Grandparents won't have them unless emergency, they are not into babysitting (can't say I blame them atm).

The 5 year old does try but she gets carried away with the older ones.

That is a good idea scooter, I think I am going to bunk off the reading tomorrow and maybe ban all tv and computer time. DP is on his way home so will talk to him about it.

Scootergrrrl Mon 18-Jul-11 22:10:21

One of the best things I ever read about children was from Libby Purves who said that, instead of getting angry when they're being a pain in the arse, act as if you're a basically kind, rather bored policeman - or woman! grin - shepherding rowdy football fans (or whatever) along. Does that make sense?

frantic51 Mon 18-Jul-11 23:51:42

What kind of rewards did they get when they had star charts? I find carrots work better than sticks at this age. Don't worry about the messy bedroom, concentrate on one thing at a time and bedtime behaviour is far more important atm. Find out what they each would really like as a weekend treat and set them a certain number of stars in order to earn it. Keep it simple, one star for staying in their room after lights out and an extra star for silence from lights out. Make the two who share work together maybe?

holyShmoley Tue 19-Jul-11 09:59:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scootergrrrl Tue 19-Jul-11 20:16:02

How is it going tonight Truly? I hope you're having a better time of it.

TrulySlumptious Wed 20-Jul-11 08:58:26

Bloody hell the bored policeman did work! grin.

Ok, so this is how it went yesterday morning they were all little ratbags again so I sat them down and told them if they wanted to behave like babies them I could quite easily go along with it.

After school it was a lovely warm day and we would have usually gone to the park or played in the garden but they came in and had to sit down, DD wanted scooby-doo on but I sat and watched the news for an hour.

They had no screen time of their choice at all, the highlight of their tv viewing was RM getting a pie in the face.

Had pasta for dinner and then I sent them straight to bed they all looked a bit like this shock. I did tell them how boring this was for me and how I would much rather be having fun and spending time doing nice things but as they seemed to want to be so naughty at bedtime all I could do was send them to bed early.

The 9 year old tried it on for a while but I just kept repeating how boring and babyish her behaviour was and within 20 minutes she gave up and went to bed! I did not hear a peep until 7am this morning when 9 year old came in my room and told me I was sleeping through my alarm clock blush.

This morning ran really well and dp has just taken them on the schoolrun and I kid you fecking not the 9 and 8 year old were reading poetry books this morning instead of trying to kill each other grin.

So tonight I will be nice mum but the bored policeman is on standby grin.

Thankyou all so much.

Scootergrrrl Wed 20-Jul-11 09:57:22

Poetry books? Are you sure you didn't ignore what everyone said and just give them drugs of some kind grin?
So very glad it worked out for you.

TrulySlumptious Wed 20-Jul-11 10:35:41

grin I am in shock at the book thing I thought I had got some kind of stepford children or something.

Thanks again.

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