My 4 year old son has today hit me with the revelation that his step-mum, who he sees every weekend, is slagging me off to the him and his brothers faces and to the rest of her family/friends.
Can anybody please give me any tips on how to deal with this situation?
The childrens ages are 4 and 6. My relationship with his dad isnt great (but definitaly not abusive) and we make a point of NEVER slagging him or her off in front of the boys. The boys are very happy when they are at home with me and their step-dad and step-brother. Their dad agreed to the contact he has with them (3 or 4 days out of 14) and they also seem happy enough to go visit their dad. I have always thought that they may 'groom' the children against me to some extent whilst they have them but they are very unreasonable people and only deny or throw our worries back in our faces. Because of this, i dont think speaking to my ex or his partner would help one bit. Should i ignore it and let them ruin their relationship with the children or should i speak to the boys and explain why it is wrong for their step-mom to be doing this? They are lovely kids and i am very cautious of making them feel under anymore pressure.
If you have an OK relationship with your ex, I would say something to him. Very calmly, just tell him that you don't mind if his partner slags you off but you'd appreciate it if she didn't do it in front of the children as it is clearly upsetting them. I don't think it is healthy for the children to be hearing negative comments about you, whether they are lies or not, it will only confuse them. Their step mum needs to grow up and think about what is best for the children. If it still continues, then speak to her direct, but don't mention this to the children, as I think you are right- if they think they are causing a fuss they may be more upset or may stop telling you the things they hear. Not sure if that helps, but I hope it does xxx