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Apparently my children need

(22 Posts)
SkelleyBones Tue 12-Jul-11 17:57:56

Tobering up where ever the fuck that means.
How would you take this ?
I've been having a bit of a moan, my house needs to go on the market and is as far from viewing ready as you can imagine, it's a nightmare.
I'm trying to work through shredding stuff, clearing zones tec but DS is 13 months old and will not let me out of his sight, on a good day he'll play at my feet whilst I'm with him or he'll BF whilst i'm mumsnetting.
So I mentioned this to both my MIL and my mother if I'm honest expecting a bit of a sympathetic or even better the offer of some help. I am happy to roll up my sleeves if they would just hold him or amuse him.
Instead I get told to buy a playpen and let him scream if that's what he wants to do, apparently I was put in one whilst mum went upstairs for an hour or so to do her hair or clean, MIL more or less said the same, playpen time.
DS would go fucking nuts if I did that, he sounds like he's being murdered if I put him in a cot awake. I know he's a drama queen but I cannot face the screams for the sake of a bit of cleaning. To which I got the cats bum face and well you can't be that bothered about selling your house then.
Surely there's more help advice out there ?

attheendoftheday Tue 12-Jul-11 18:21:29

No advice I'm afraid, but I wanted to say I wouldn't leave my dd to scream either. It isn't worth the stress to either of us. Is there anyone more constructive around who could help you out?

Tiggertoo14 Tue 12-Jul-11 18:31:36

Im in kinda a similar situation to be honest. My mum died over 14 years ago and my MIL lives too far away to help. I get very little opportunity to do things like cleaning, and if i want a shower its before my dd wakes, when she has her nap, or again when she has gone to bed for the night. I manage to keep the living room clean and that is about it, rest gets done bit by bit and tbh the house has never been like this bfore. When i go in the kitchen even for 10 seconds dd screams (she is 9 months) but oftern if the tv is on after a minute she stops and focuses on that, so i can have maybe 5 minutes to do bottles, make food etc. Ive no one to help me but when my OH is home at the weekend i do get bits done, but also want time to spend as a family. My view, as long as the area where your child is playing is clean, where your making food is clean, those are the important bits, a happy child is worth more (I used to clean daily before getting pg so this has taken some getting used to, i was obsessively clean and tidy!) Good Luck with it

Snuppeline Tue 12-Jul-11 18:42:11

In your position I would make a detailed list of things that needs doing and then indicate what is possible to do with a child around and what you have to schedule to do when your ds is in bed (napping or for the evening). Also enlist the help of your dp/dh who can help out in the evening and at weekends. Surely its in his best interest to sell the house too!

When your ds is awake, apart from obviously dangerous things, could you not turn tidying into a game? Sure, he'll get in the way and things will get done slowly but at least something can be done each day?

Are you in Ireland?

That's the phrase my ex-MIL used to use - she needs tobering up.

Means she needs bunged somewhere and left to scream.

I never did it.

PeopleCallMeTricky Tue 12-Jul-11 18:49:59

Tobering! That's a new one on me. I was trying to think what you could have possibly miss-spelt blush
Your mil and mum are wrong btw. Leaving a child to scream for an hour is not a good idea imo.

PeopleCallMeTricky Tue 12-Jul-11 18:52:02

grin at my misspelling misspelt

PCMT - Means taught a lesson kind of, I think.

It's not a phrase my family ever used but ex-MIL used it a LOT with DD1 blush

SkelleyBones Tue 12-Jul-11 18:55:41

Excuse my French but I did think oh fuck off.
None of her kids particularly like her so it obviously worked wonders.
I will try the list idea, I like a good list.
Thank you for the kind words :-)

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Tue 12-Jul-11 20:32:43

skelly there's no way i would follow your mums/mil's bollocks advice.

Thank god snuppeline has a usefull suggestion. My only thought was "what a pair of unsupportive cows!" sorry to speak of your nearest and dearest in that manner...

SkelleyBones Tue 12-Jul-11 21:02:04

No I agree.
Thanks for the reassurance it's not just me.

StartAllOver Thu 14-Jul-11 19:58:41

Is there someone you could borrow a travel cot/playpen just to see how your ds goes in there? I wouldnt let my child scream either so i'm not pushing it on you but its worth a try...

Failing that the tip about making a list and prioritising and doing it bit by bit during nap times sounds like the way forward

Good luck!!!

DuelingFanjo Thu 14-Jul-11 20:01:34

could your DP have him while you clean, or better still couldn't you take him out while your DP cleans?

SuePurblybilt Thu 14-Jul-11 20:02:52

DD was the same - wouldn't be put down for a second. The only thing I can suggest is sticking your DS in a high chair or play pen with a wnaky basket (google treasure baskets/heuristic play) or something really appealing and messy. That might buy you half an hour.
It sounds though that you'd get more use out of actually asking your MIL and DM to babysit than trying to change DS' routine in a hurry.

MavisG Thu 14-Jul-11 20:08:50

You need a sling you can wear on your back - a mei tai or ergo would be good, you can tie them so the baby can see over your shoulder. Plus the list idea, you'll be sorted.

niceday Thu 14-Jul-11 20:16:27

I second the sling idea, if you can.
That's how I often had cooked.

SkelleyBones Thu 14-Jul-11 20:59:35

Isn't he too old at 13 months for a sling ? I'd happily give it ago but just can't imagine the mini elephant on my back. Dp is away in the week away in the week so we undO all his efforts during the week it needs constantly upkeeping.

MavisG Fri 15-Jul-11 01:03:54

13 months is a great age for a back carry in a sling. I still carry my oversized 2 1/2 year old when I can't persuade him to ride his scooter, a sling will spread the weight really well, so long as it fits. Try http://www.slingmeet.co.uk/ for info/advice - there might be a group near you, meetings typically are just normal coffee plus kids, with lots of slings to try out and people with enough experience to advise you.

kreecherlivesupstairs Fri 15-Jul-11 05:38:27

Can you afford to get a cleaner to give it one really big going over? I find that once something is done properly, it is much easier to keep on top of.
I thought that tobering was a spelling mistake.

BuckBuckMcFate Fri 15-Jul-11 05:59:58

I've got an 8 month old that won't let me put him down without screaming like I've put him on hot coals <sigh>

I've found that giving him something he's 'not supposed' to have helps a lot. If I give him a toy, he carries on bawling but stops if it's my bag, a remote control, older DCs karaoke machine, peg basket.

I can keep on top of the day to day stuff this way but DP does take them all out for an hour or so and I can tackle anything bigger.

Jings, don't try and do housework with a 13mo attached to you, you'll break something! I had enough bother with a 7wo in a carrier while I sorted my paperwork for my tax return - terrible back ache.

Never heard the phrase "tobering up" - did wonder what the bloody hell you were on about!

Re. the playpen/cot idea - I will pass on my slack parent tip - I used to work from home, beating up people for an hour at a time. During this time, DS had to be in his cot, so I got a small tv that was also a video player and used to leave him with a video when he was very small; then as he got older, it was CBeebies or Milkshake when they were on and the video when not. AS he got older still (12m plus) he'd be in his playpen with a DVD of something like Kungfu Panda playing. It stopped him screaming and gave me the hour's space I needed to work.
I know people don't like the "electronic nanny" but it is actually quite useful at times.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Fri 15-Jul-11 06:41:25

don't use a carrier! Slings, however, are a whole other world! grin

I gave up on our babybjorn type at 3m...it hurt. Then at 9m i made a wrap out of a bit of fabric and a tie off t'interweb. I'm still using it now (ds is 17m and i'm 30wks pg smile )

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