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What would you think if a female colleague of your DH's offered to mind your DC in the holidays?

(11 Posts)
create Tue 12-Jul-11 16:31:37

I have a good friend and collegue who has a son, similar age to my 2 boys.

I have a term time contract, so will be at home most of the summer. My friend has just discovered that his DW has no holidays left to cover childcare over the summer (they usually split hols to be at home for their DS). She's been trying to get a journalism career off the ground in addition to a 3 days pw office job, so has taken lots of holidays to attend events for her writing. It's going well and my colleague is enjoying the extra cash!

I've massive respect for her BTW, she's been doing pt jobs way below her ability level for 20 years and think it's fantastic that she's able to do this, but my friend (who is fairly supportive of her) is feeling under a lot of pressure to sort holiday cover.

Now, there's obviously been a huge breakdown of communication between them and it 's none of my business (don't want to know), but I could help them out.

I've never met the DW, but I do know the boy well and my DC know and like him, as we all go to football matches together. It would be fine to have him and he would help entertain my DC for a few days in the hols, but there's something that's preventing me from offering. I'm not sure if it's appropriate. Don't want to upset the DW (sounds like things are a bit fragile already) and don't want my friend to feel awkward if he has to decline. At the same time, I think it's no bother to me and would be a nice thing to do.


AMumInScotland Tue 12-Jul-11 16:39:58

I think if I was you I'd offer. Just word it in a way which makes it easy for him to turn down if it doesn't suit. But are you sure it would suit your boys to have him round such a lot? You say its "a few days" but surely its the whole summer holidays they have a problem for? They may like him well enough but its a long time to have someone else around.

bumpybecky Tue 12-Jul-11 16:45:11

this might sound a little bizarre, but my first thought before reading your post was that I'd wonder if the husband and the person offering the childcare were having an affair shock

if I were the DW in this situation I wouldn't be keen on letting my child be looked after my someone I'd not met, especially if the child was quite young (less than 8 maybe)

I think you're very kind to offer. Would it be possible for you and your colleague's wife to meet in person to discuss?

create Tue 12-Jul-11 16:45:20

No it won't be the whole hols. We're away for 2 weeks, friend's DW only works 3 days pw and my friend has 2 weeks hols booked the two weeks after my break. Max I'll have is 6 days over 2 weeks, but there are also (very elderly) Grandparents who might help a bit. If I thought they were taking advantage, I'd have no problem telling them so, but I don't think they would. This would be an if you really don't have anyone else arrangement

Makingchanges Tue 12-Jul-11 16:48:30

I would offer. They sound like they might be appreciative of the help. Just make sure that they know that you don't mind if they turn you down

Makingchanges Tue 12-Jul-11 16:49:25

Maybe youcould offer it as a favour - Holidays are long and boring and can be hard to entertain, would your DC like to come over for a few days and break up the holiday / boredom a little?

create Tue 12-Jul-11 16:51:02

Thank you bumpy, I think that's why I have reservations, although she has nothing to worry about and I won't actually be with her DH on these days! The boy is 11.

tigana Tue 12-Jul-11 16:52:23

I'd trust my DHs judgement. It would help if I had met the woman in question before, but if DH knew her and trusted her....

I would not think affair.

Just say " oh, well if you need any help with a day here or there, I am available. It wouldn't be a problem at all."

Then they can accept or decline as needed. After all, they may get it all sorted without needing to call on you.

bumpybecky Tue 12-Jul-11 17:13:54

I hesitated about posting the affair thing - I'm not normally a suspicious person, maybe I've spent too much time reading threads on the relationships board! glad you didn't take it as an insult!

If it's only 6 days max though it's not such a enormous favour. I know my dc like having friends over to break up the holidays a bit. I like the way tigana has worded the offer.

AMumInScotland Tue 12-Jul-11 17:20:53

Oh if it's only a few days it should be easier to suggest. You can always pitch it as "My boys would love to see him during the summer, and I'd be glad to have him over, they get on so well. And if we arrange it for those days you've not arranged childcare for yet, that would kill two birds with one stone".

He can then decide whether to suggest it to his wife or not - he'll be better placed to guess whether she'd have worries / be pissed of at him.

create Tue 12-Jul-11 18:35:28

Thank you all, I'll offer casually suggesting that I can help out for a few days if needed. Don't know why I was so reluctant really, as it's just a decent thing to do, but usually, my first instinct proves to be right - if this goes horribly wrong, I shall hold you all responsible (names noted) grin

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