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Guilt about ds starting nursery

(6 Posts)
Ladyopheliastar Mon 11-Jul-11 15:33:14

I took my ds for two hour taster with me. He was fine. I'm breaking my heart over it. I feel like I am betraying him. Can anyone share their experience about going back to work and being forced to place little one in nursery?

iwantavuvezela Mon 11-Jul-11 15:38:53

I agree that it is very hard leaving your child at a nursery. Hopefully your nursery is the type that will allow you a period of time to settle your child, my dd's nursery allowed me to go whenver i wanted, have lunch with her; pop in; chat to staff etc. My daughter still speaks of that nursery now, the people, her care workers, and asks if she can go back to it (we are no longer there). It became a part of our lives, we made friends etc, and i have a very warm space in my heart for the nursery, staff, and remain friends with many parents staff etc.
I suspect that from the language you have used "forced to place" that your sadness is more to do with you feeling you HAVE to leave your child at nursery than with the nursery itself?
I never felt forced ... it was a decision I made; i did feel very sad the first few weeks, but that was about me.

pozzled Mon 11-Jul-11 15:46:11

How old is your DS? It is really hard, DD was 13 months when she started at nursery, 3 days a week. The first few weeks were quite difficult, my DH had to drop her off in the mornings and there were quite a few tears. However, she was always fine a few minutes later and then really enjoyed the day. She's now almost three, still at the same place and it has been brilliant for her. She comes home full of stories about her friends and all the things she has done, and she has great relationships with the staff.

I agree with iwantavuvezela about your language though, you say 'forced'- were there no other options for you? Is it the nursery environment that you are worried about, or is it the fact that you need to leave him at all?

Ladyopheliastar Tue 12-Jul-11 21:07:45

It is leaving him at all that bothers me. Financially, I have to work full time and my cd is only five months old, too young to have any understanding of what is happening. I stayed with him yesterday and the staff were great, but I hated anyone doing the things I should do for him. I am leaving him for two hours tomorrow and dreading it. I am worried he'll be scared and I won't be there or they won't be able to figure out what he wants if needs and he will suffer.

Oakmaiden Tue 12-Jul-11 21:10:30

My youngest was about 9 weeks old when he started nursery. It was only part time (and looking back I can't remember how I managed it all, cos I was breastfeeding and continued to do so until he was 18 months) and because I was ill. He hasn't seemed to suffer for it though, and he was very popular amongst the nursery staff.

pointythings Tue 12-Jul-11 21:22:19

OP, I had to go back at 6 months with both of mine, and f/t just like you. With DD1 I spent the first three weeks at work being regularly soggy at my desk - not because DD was failing to settle (she wasn't) but because my emotions were all over the place. Second time round it was much easier.

And you know what? My DDs are healthy, confident, independent, loving and sociable. They have lots of friends, love school and got all their childhood illnesses out of the way at nursery so now are very rarely ill. A good nursery will give you a detailed daily summary of what your child has been up to - naps, food intake, activities etc.) and will tell you if there are any issues.

You should also not worry about your DC not loving you, or connecting more to their keyworker than to you. It won't happen. Every day without fail when I walked in to pick my DCs up, their faces lit up and they held out their arms to me with big smiles - not because they had been unhappy all day but because only I was their mother. You clearly have a very good attachment with your DC, that will not go away just because yo have to go back to work.

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