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Do you ever feel bad?

(9 Posts)
poptartpoptart Mon 11-Jul-11 12:23:13

Sometimes (usually when DS is not with me, ie, at school or in bed) I start to think about all the times I have maybe overreacted with him or shouted unnecessarily, and I feel really bad about it.

I remember one particularly bad time a few years ago when he had a bad cough that went on for weeks on end. One night when he was in bed with me (so I could keep an eye on him) he coughed literally all night long and I remember telling him to stop and getting cross with him. I feel so bad about this as obviously he couldn't stop. I think I was just so exhausted, worried, upset and exasperated that I couldn't help him, so I told him off! I feel so bad about that particular time.

Also I remember once shouting at him to go back to sleep after he had been continually waking at 5am for weeks on end (he was about three at the time). He lay in bed crying as I had my head under the pillow. I still feel terrible about it.

There haven't been any of these incidents for ages, not for years actually, and generally we have a great relationship. I love him so much and we do have lots of positive fun together, so why do I keep focussing on the negative horrible times? I suppose I just feel so bad about it. The thing is, I doubt he even remembers those specific incidents, but I can't help remembering them and feeling bad.

Please tell me others have done or said things too that you regret and feel bad about, and any advice on how to rationalise it in my head?

NestaFiesta Mon 11-Jul-11 12:35:39

You wouldn't be human if you didn't find your kids irritating from time to time. My DS is the light of my life, I love him a ridiculous amount, but there are one or two days a year when i just can't stand him and need to be away from him. I am a SAHM and never away from him (he is at school now though). I hide this from him and my DH steps in . But there is only so much anyone can take. Don't worry- they are more interested in treats and toys at this age than re conjuring up bad memories of the time Mummy was grumpy.

yearningforthesun Mon 11-Jul-11 12:59:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smearedinfood Mon 11-Jul-11 22:31:54

You are allowed to get tired occasionally, time to forgive yourself and move on. Hugs

bail Tue 12-Jul-11 07:13:47

I know what you mean, but your DS will only be a child for a short period of time, so try to make a conscious effort to put these negative thoughts behind you and enjoy the time you have with him. Easier said than done, but my guess is that if you are worried about this... you are a lovely sensitive mother and your DS will have no memory of these instances whatsoever

susiesheep2 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:49:54

I was just about to start a thread about how bad i feel this morning, because dd1 (4yo) did not want to go to preschool because she was upset about a number of little things, started off by me shouting at her because it was talking over an hour for her to put a pair of leggings and a t-shirt on. She burst in to tears and sobbed that she didnt want to give her old baby bunny to the new baby (due in a few weeks). cant tell you how bad i feel. ive told her a million times she doesnt have to give any of her old things to the new baby, and she can choose if she likes, and if she doesnt want to, she doesnt have to, but she must be feeling worried about it and me shouting at her over being soo annoying slow getting dressed was just too much for her. so now my poor little baby is at preschool and im stuck at work until 4 feeling like the worst mummy in the world sad( i was about a millisecond from just bringing her with me and i wish i had now, id probably get more done if i wasnt worring about her!!!

Elemis Tue 12-Jul-11 13:12:30

Oh God, yes when he cries.
DS is nearly 4, being particularly troublesome at bedtime. I told him ( not angrily) that mummy wouldn't just leave the room I would leave the house
He said "without me?" and immediately convulsed into racking sobbing.
Did I feel bad? dreadful

share Tue 12-Jul-11 13:15:16

Oh God yes from me too.
Must get some work done now otherwise I would fill a page with egs.

AMumInScotland Tue 12-Jul-11 13:23:42

Every parent has days like that - you need to accept that they are part of what has happened in your life, but they don't define who you are or the relationship you have with your child. They are just some blips on your road together.

When you find yourself thinking about them, remind yourself that they were isolated events and are in the past. Then make yourself stop picking at the scab, and move on to thinking about something else. Maybe decide on a nice image that you can pull up in your memory to replace them. Once you practice, you'll get better at stopping yourself dwelling on them.

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