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Struggling to adjust to being a SAHM. Advice and reassurance needed!

(8 Posts)
twinsufficient Fri 08-Jul-11 21:45:01

Have just finished a very demanding PGCE full-time course and since Monday have been back to looking after my dcs (dts 2.5 yo, dd1 7) full-time. I am struggling with the nothingness of the day and can't seem to motivate myself to get out. On top of this the dts are a nightmare at the moment - whinging about everything, crying, throwing strops,etc - all normal toddler behaviour I know but times two so it feels like constant noise and lack of fun. I struggle also with taking them out on my own as they are at the stage where they understandably don't want to be in the buggy all the time but how do you keep hold of two little ones if one wants to go in a different direction? I just can't cope with the monotony of each day which I know is down to me to change but just don't feel capable at the moment. I am dreading the 6 weeks holidays when dd1 will be complaining about being bored every day. I have managed to get her into a playscheme for 2 days a week which will help.

Rosebud05 Fri 08-Jul-11 21:49:33

You need time to adjust to a different sort of groove - 2.5 is a nightmare age for singletons let alone twins.

Do you know anyone else locally? Other adults to talk to/something organised each day helps.

Research what's on in your local area. Palm dd1 off on friends as much as she'll allow.

And well done for completing a PGCE with 3 kids!

twinsufficient Fri 08-Jul-11 22:40:00

Thanks rosebud. Tbh this phase seems harder than doing the PGCE! Give me a class of 30 any day! There are activities locally but it's just making the first move and getting out there. Thankfully dd1 is an easy child and is a great help with the dts so I should count my blessings!

MerryMarigold Fri 08-Jul-11 22:50:57

Hi. I have 2.8 dt's and a 5 year old. Yes, it's really hard. The constant MOANING, screaming (dd), making a mess/ general destruction (ds2), poo-ing in pants and fighting (ds1). I feel worn ragged a lot of the time so I feel your pain.

My suggestions would be:
a) Get some 'time out' once a week. And at least 20 mins a day when you do something for YOU (to give you the energy to give to them)
b) Appreciate the hilarity and uniqueness of them. They are growing up fast! (And if you're like me, you're not having any more FOR SURE).

This age (2-3) is brilliant as they are learning so much, so fast, and expressing so much. My ds2 is so different from my ds1, it's fun to see it. My dd is so similar to ds1 and it's strange to see how that's expressed in a girl. The stuff they come out with cracks me up and amazes me at the same time. I can't believe they were babies a year ago and now ds2 wants to put his pants on 'by myself' and dd says when you ask her (in a frustrated manner!) why she didn't ask for the potty, "because I'm just a LITTLE girl". And ds2 is all into dinosaurs, and wants me to 'find a sauropod on the pooter' and dd will play for hours on her own, making little lines of blocks with lego on top, just like ds1 used to. I love this side of it and have to enjoy those bits to get me through the rest of it (though I have had a particularly shouty day today).

deviladvocate Fri 08-Jul-11 23:15:41

I read a great suggestion in mumsnet rules that suggested imagining that you're being recorded for a programme on parenting, just try pretending to enjoy yourself being with the kids and it might just work - the kids will be picking up on your mood and reacting accordingly. We have foul days when i'm in a bad mood so i must really give it a try too!

Create a rough structure for your week - plan an activity for each day and some downtime too, whenever suits you best - if it's hard getting out in the morning plan to go out after lunch for a few hours - just knowing that you're going out helps everyone to relax and enjoy being home. Have a think about what you all enjoy and try and do it, whether it's going to the park, softplay (you can sit and chill while they play), library, visiting friends. It's hard work looking after three but a bit of planning makes a big difference. Good luck!

Gavi Sat 09-Jul-11 10:36:01

Hi I'm learning to adjust as well, I've just finished my degree and I've got a 5 year old and a four month old. I really thought I would enjoy the chance to just be a Mum but I'm bored already. Love having more time with the kids but it's very difficult to get used to not learning if that makes sense. Keeping busy makes your brain feel alive. Can't wait to start my postgrad next year!!

monkoray Sat 09-Jul-11 18:52:43

You've just finished your PGCE, why not treat this summer like a practice and lesson plan each day. There is loads you can teach toddlers as well as your 7 year old and there will be a challenge in finding 'lessons' that can appeal to both age groups. There are loads of great homeschooling websites that can give you some great ideas that (depending on what age you will be teaching later) you could even carry forward to school.

chutneypig Sat 09-Jul-11 20:32:08

You have my sympathy. When my twins were that age I tended to stick with places where if they did do the twin split and head in opposite directions it wasn't a disaster. Soft play, farms, that sort of thing. Trouble is that approach gets expensive. Reins also helped.

It must be a massive adjustment in pace for you. Were the twins in childcare while you were studying? I know my two did find it very odd for a while after I was made redundant, they were so used to the stimulation of nursery.

I find music can drown out the whining quite effectively. The stereo nature of twins going off on one is mind blowing.

It sounds like you're maybe missing the stimulation of the course too. Would it help to find some sort of small, manageable project for you? It might be the last thing you want so do ignore me if it is. But I know I felt/feel more motivated if I've managed to write something, which is what I'm trying to catch up on.

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