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How to give guidance to an 8 year old without being negative or giving him a complex?

(3 Posts)
Jobean Wed 06-Jul-11 22:11:21

My DS8 has remarked on more than a few occasions now that he doesn't feel like/popular amongst his friends. He goes to an all boys school and is party of he 'footy' group and has what I thought was a large circle of friends. He feels sometimes that if he says something he is shot down yet if it had been one of the other boys this would not happen. Its awful to feel your DS is not happy or not liked. I am thinking that this will blow over and just wasn't his day.
We sometimes have friends round to play after school and I have noticed that my DS can be a little bit impatient and whiney and mabe this is what his class mates can see in him. He tends to wear his heart on his sleeve to and cannot always see the funny side. This is not a criticism, no-one is perfect but I wonder how I coud give him advice in a positive way on perhaps where he might be going wrong.
Or am I just being neurotic and taking too much notice?? Hayulp........confused

isitmidnightalready Wed 06-Jul-11 23:24:36

Hello - hope you get some good answers on this one.

I'd be tempted to go through with him what his friends' outlook is like and how they come across to others, and try to find some common links - they are all jokey / funny/ don't take offence - whatever. I think it would help for he himself to observe and spot the common threads.

Depending on his style, you could make a list of all the people he likes and admires (not just his classmates) and reasons why he likes them, and again try to spot what it is that makes someone popular. And maybe the reverse of what sort of behaviour makes people less popular, and how things come across to others. It probably needs to happen when he is feeling sensitive and unloved - or at least brought up at that point as something you will sit down and do together when you have a bit more time or he is feeling abit more resilient.

You might also choose opportune moments to asses particular behaviour in other kids and discuss why it got the reaction it did. I do this sometimes with my DDs, especially when they complain they don't have all the high tech stuff some friends do. They seem to be realising that getting everything doesn't make you a better person, and sometimes results in kids acting quite spoilt.

If you are neurotic, then so am I! Welcome to the club!

Jobean Thu 07-Jul-11 22:55:54

Thanks v much for this, I will give it a go. Parenting isb****y hard sometimes isn't it??!

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