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Should I stop Meeting Up??

(15 Posts)
CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:10:51

I have a few friends that I met through Playgroup. Our children now all go to different Nurseries now but we still see each other at some activities our children go to and we try and met up about once a month with the children. However, I?m finding a problem with one of the Mum?s/child and I?m beginning to dread meeting up.

The Mum in question is very good at criticising the other two children and my DD i.e. they are very loud, bossy, they never stop eating, and just anything that seems to be a moan. Her child can be quite naughty hitting, taking toys off the other children including my DD but the Mum always makes out that it is not her child.

We met up today and my DD spent most of the time crying as said child kept taking toys off her, wanting what she had but the Mum always made out that my DD was in the wrong. Now I am first to admit that my DD is no angel but I did see on two occasions that DD did nothing wrong.

This is not the first time I have left thinking why do I bother meeting up as I come away feeling crap but if I stop meeting up then I probably won?t see the other Mum?s very often as this Mum comes with one of the other Mums and if something is on she is always invited.

I don?t really want to say anything to the other Mums, as I know that they all feel a bit sorry for her as she is on her own with her DS and I think they like to feel like they are helping her out. I get on quite well with this Mum when the children are not about and we have a good chat but it seems to be that my DD and her DS do not get on that well.

Help what do I do? Do I stop going and miss catching up with the other Mums and DD with her friends or do I go and then spend half my time trying t console DD and come away feeling miserable?

Beamur Tue 05-Jul-11 18:13:16

Don't go then.
Are any of the Mums available to meet up on a different occasion or do some alternative activity without the 'bad' Mum?

CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:19:30

I'm not sure as they might find it odd why Bad Mum (like the term) is not being invited as usally if we say met up we say one will say I'll text x and y.

It's a shame as all the other children play well.

Beamur Tue 05-Jul-11 18:22:22

Maybe the flip side of this is it teaches our 'good' kids how to deal with the less good ones...grin which is going to happen lots!
How old is your DD?

CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:27:50

DD is 4 years & 1 Month old. All the children are 4 years old with the child of the Mum in question being 4 years and 4 months old.

Beamur Tue 05-Jul-11 18:32:08

My DD is 4 too. We've recently made friends with another Mum with a DD of a similar age, the girls get on well, but my friends little girl is quite 'forthright', but her Mum is on the case! (I'm over using my inverted commas tonight).
How would 'bad' Mum react if you (gently and appropriately) rebuked her DS?

CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:36:37

I’m not sure how she would react as she is a very defensive person who would argue black is white lol. Interesting she is the first to reprimand an other child if she thinks they are doing wrong.

Beamur Tue 05-Jul-11 18:45:14

Sounds like she has a serious case of rose tinted specs where her child is concerned.

CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:46:35

Yes, she has and about herself too it's all me, me me

Beamur Tue 05-Jul-11 18:48:38

She sounds a delight grin
Are the other friends worth going along for? If not...

CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:52:00

Yes, the others are that's the problem it's only her

pippop1 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:52:27

Doesn't sound like a good idea to meet up anymore. Could you do a different activity (such as meet at the park together) where there would be other kids around too? A change of scene might help.

monkoray Tue 05-Jul-11 18:57:31

OP, I had a similar experience. My dh said I should really stop seeing the mum in question as it was getting me down. So I arranged some one to one play dates with some of the other mums, saying it would be nice to have some one on one time with them. Turns out they felt similar to me but hadn't felt able to say anything.
I have since seen other mum and after a big gap it wasn't as bad.
Maybe you could try similar?

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Tue 05-Jul-11 19:33:37

Sounds like she is on the defensive. Maybe she lacks confidence in her parenting and the criticism is a front. I get alot of my strength as a parent from discussing things with dh and knowing he agrees. Maybe she lacks this opportunity. Doesn't stop it being really annoying though.

CharlieB74 Tue 05-Jul-11 20:43:30

I decided to text the Mum that had us at her house today to say thanks, and offered to have her DD round for a play date with my DD. She has taken me up on the offer so we are going to do that next week.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh she comes across as a very confident person but this could be a front. She is always going on about how she is both parents and that she is always being told she is doing a great job but sometimes it’s like she says that so we will all agree so maybe she is not very confident. You are right it is very annoying!!

Thank you for all the replies, I have not long started using this forum and have had some great help and support.smile

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