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settling into childcare or just really hating it

(6 Posts)
greenlegs Mon 04-Jul-11 11:54:48

Hello All

Any tips for a newbie on how to judge whether your child is in the middle of a settling in period with a childcare arrangement, or if they just really hate it?

DS is 13 months, currently with local childminder 2 days a week but screams when we go near the house. I'm wondering if we should stick it out and hope he settles in, or if we should look into getting a nanny who could at look after him in our house, or moving him nursery where there are more distractions.

Would you give a child a few weeks or months to see if they get used to an arrangement?

Thanks

cadifflur Mon 04-Jul-11 15:03:34

How long has he been going so far? DS took forever to settle into nursery. He always got upset when I dropped him off, yet was settled and happy 5 mins after I left and always happy when I picked him up. DD on the other hand settled very quickly there. I know the nursery staff always found that children took much longer to settle if they only did one or two days a week. How is he when you pick him up, and how does the CM say he's been all day?

A lot is down to your gut instinct really, - difficult to suggest what you should do, as you obviously chose this particular CM over others you visited. If you still feel happy with her personally and that there are a range of activities there to keep the children happy, then it may just be that he needs time to adjust to not being with you all the time. - He might be exactly the same with a nanny or nursery, i.e. another new environment to get used to. What does the CM say about it? does she think it's a settling in thing too?

monkoray Mon 04-Jul-11 19:11:15

One of my friends said give it 6 weeks and that is exactly how long it took ds to settle so he didn't cry when dropped off at nursery

greenlegs Mon 04-Jul-11 21:11:42

I should have said that the CM says he's very unhappy all day, doesn't eat, often refusing bottle of breast milk, hardly sleeps or plays. He just cries and wants to be held or rocked all the time, which makes for hard work for the CM, and there is another baby there. When I pick him up he seems sad and exhausted. He soon cheers up and eats all the food he's been refusing.

monkoray Mon 04-Jul-11 21:31:05

I don't have any experience but that sounds a bit more than just not settling in yet if he's miserable all day. Does the CM have an opinion?

trixie123 Tue 05-Jul-11 09:08:20

hi, was about to say that sounds exactly how my DS was with identical age, days at the CM etc and that he settled after about 6 weeks but he wasn't unhappy all day. Is the CM patient with him or is she too preoccupied with the baby to help him feel better? Is there anyway he could go for a day or two when the baby isn't there so she can focus on him? I know it sounds mad to send him for more than you need to but if it helps him to settle it will be fewer sad days in the long run. We only need childcare during termtime but send DS for some days in the holidays too so he doesn't get too out of routine. How long has he be going - like most things I think if you decide to soon that something isn't working and chop and change rapidly he won't settle anywhere.

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