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How to deal with violence in nearly 6 yo

(2 Posts)
Catsu Sun 03-Jul-11 16:46:39

Ds is nearly 6yo. He has aspergers and has always struggled to control his frustration when something bothers him.
He mostly hits me, sometimes his dad, sometimes his brother, never hits out at school.
He is doing fantastically at school, really really trying hard to follow the rules and behave. He lets off steam a bit in the afternoons when he gets home as a result of this.

Recently he has been hitting out in frustration less and less (we have worked hard to give him other ways of managing his frustration and giving consequences for the hitting) but he has started hitting in anger instead.

Today he was very cross. I told both boys not to play with their umbrellas indoors. Ds poked his brother in the tummy with his umbrella, ds2 poked him back.
Ds1 made a big fuss and I calmly explained that they shouldn't have been playing with the umbrellas indoors, they were both at fault and I had little sympathy for his crying.
Ds1 waited a few minutes till all was forgotten, ran over to where I had taken away the umbrella, grabbed it and then ran over to ds2 (who was now sitting nicely on the sofa) and rammed the end of the umbrella hard into hos face! It narrowly missed his eye. Ds2 has swollen bruised eyelid.

Dh was upstairs getting the swimming things ready while this happened. We were all just about to go swimming, which both boys love.
Instead we sent ds1 to his room (dh had to carry him there) and dh has taken ds2 swimming alone. Ds1 has been told that he's missing swimming due to hitting his brother and is to stay upstairs until they get back.
He's all tearful and is gutted he is missing swimming but doesn't seem to get how bad if is what he did. He keeps coming out his room and asking if he can cone down yet.

Dh is furious and would have reacted stronger.
I'm not sure of the best way to deal with situations like this tbh. I can't physically manage to carry ds up to hos room on my own. He resists it and I'm 8 mths pg so just can't carry him. He doesn't calm down till he's out of the room and on his own so he has to go to hos room really.
How can we make him see that this is much worse than lashing out on frustration? And that he very nearly seriously injured his brother?

Lambskin Mon 04-Jul-11 14:33:14

Have you tried posting this on the SN board? You might get more specific help. I sympathise btw my ds2 is very similar smile but there are some women on SN who are geniuses at this sort of thing and tragically I am not one of them!

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