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please help me rise above it!(5 Posts)
as the title says please help, a little background needed,
i have 4.5 year old twin DD's who i love with all my heart me and DH adopted them when they were 11 months old and they have completed our family totally.
DD1 ( by 7 mins!) is really laid back, wonderfully well behaved, eager to help and a peasure to be around - most of the time
DD2 is totally different from her sister but equally as wonderful, she is such a comedien (sp?) really loving and very artistic, however, she is really sensitive and highly strung, often throws strops in the hope of getting her own way - this never works! and will argue black is blue just for the sake of it.
we had a lovely morning in the park and out to dinner with my mum, they were both fab but as soon as we got home DD2 started niggling at her sister, taking her toys away and generally winding her up, in the end i decided to put her in time out at which point she told me she doesn't want to live here any more, i am ashamed to say that i opened the front door and said ok then off you go she made it as far as the gate before she turned around.
following time out i have been told that i am horrible, stupid when trying to help her with a game and that she is very cross with me and doesn't like me!
at tea time i asked her to please finish her water before getting down she said no i dont like it (she had already drunk half!) before pouring the remainder over the table
please help me rise above this i am trying so hard to walk away and totally ignore her but she is really trying my patience.
Honestly they all do this sometimes. I told DD off yesterday for lying and she told me she was going to call the fire brigade. Not sure what she thought they would do
Last time she told me she would call social services because I am the meanest Mummy alive I think I asked her to finish her tea. I offered to dial the number for her but she changed her mind.
Please dont think that because your daughters are adopted that this is in any way causing this naughty behaviour. They ALL do it. It is a 'phase' and so long as you are consistant in your discipline it should get better.
I remember my DS (now 11) saying he was leaving home, going to his friends house taking his favourite toy and stomping out the house! He was about 5 or 6 at the time. I watched him from our bedroom window and he walked up and down the path next to the house then came back and asked me if I would drive him to his friends (next town away). I said no, if he wanted to leave home he had to work out how to get to his friends house without my help!
That was the end of that.
Honestly, they say some horrid things and behave in ways that would test the patience of a Saint. They are trying to work out boundaries, see how far they can push us until we snap and then they think "Aha, THAT worked, must do that again next time".
If you dont rise to the behaviour it wont work.
It might escalate before it gets better though.
My DS is 5. He is also adopted and was placed at 17 months old. I agree with the above posters who have said that it's a phase and they all do it but for a child who is adopted and knows their adoptive status there could be more to this "I don't want to live here anymore". Only because of the language used.
My DS has told me this before when I have disagreed with him about settling down at bedtime (understatement of the year) and my response was to leave the room in a rush and mutter to myself something along the lines of "That's fine by me",
and kick a wall I then gathered my wits and took several deep breaths, and went in and told him that it "That was tough the judge said you are ours forever and you will have to get used to me and DH being in charge, in order to look after you properly."
Your DD2 is definately in a pushing boundaries frame of mind at the mo though, and the behaviour you describe remindme of DS when he is having a "got out of the wrong side of bed" day. Don't beat yourself up if you lose your temper we parents are all human after all.
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