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Do you tell your DCs to hit back?

(14 Posts)
sugarbea Wed 29-Jun-11 17:35:40

My DS is 6 and a half. I spoke to his headteacher today regarding an incident that happened where a boy had punched him in the face twice and he retalliated by pushing the boy to the ground. The other boy cried, he didn't, and so got the brunt of the punishment. There were incidences with other children in the school previously where my ds had been stabbed with a pencil , punched, kicked and spat at by another child. And the school did nothing despite my concerns until this other child continiously doing it to others. Rightly or wrongly i've told my son if someone hits you you hit them back. This by no means implies that he should just go around hitting people for no reason. My ds however mentioned this to the head teacher who expressed her concern. He has told staff previously if there has been an altercation and they've told him to get on with it so i'm not sure what he is expected to do. Walking away from a fight before it happens is not the same as walking away from someone punching you in the face. I'm not sure how many adults would walk away from that, I myself am not particularly confrontational but would probably instantly hit back if i was attacked too. I don't want him to get into trouble but I would rather that than sepnd his school years being bullied. Am I alone in this. ?

wordsonapage Wed 29-Jun-11 17:37:17

yes I do tell them

so no you are not alone

thisisyesterday Wed 29-Jun-11 17:39:27

good grief no!

i am teaching my children that it is NEVER ok to hit anyone unless you are in danger and cannot get away in which case it is ok to fight to release yourself.

Hulababy Wed 29-Jun-11 17:39:45

No, I don't.

I don't believe violence is the answer, esp at primary age.
I also know that if they hit back then there are just as much going to be in trouble as the other child.
I have told DD you say loudly No, and then you tell the grown up in charge.

supadupapupascupa Wed 29-Jun-11 17:41:01

well i never hit back and the bullies loved it.

i will be teaching ds to hit back twice as hard

snicker Wed 29-Jun-11 17:45:26

I didn't used to. For 2 years ds was pushed about and he did all the right things, saying "don't hit me", "stop", "No" in a loud clear voice, telling the dinner nanny lunch time supervisor and the teachers and it got worse and worse. Eventually I told him to hit back, which he did, once. He has never been hit again.

SoloAgainItSeems Wed 29-Jun-11 17:50:27

Yes I did with Ds and he was always the one that got caught and then punished! He's in year 8 now and is still bullied mercilessly sad I don't think that if your child is a 'nice' child and bullied, that fighting back makes one ounce of difference.
Dd will be going into reception in September and I'm not sure she'll have any problems tbh as she seems to be quite popular...her father on the other hand wanted to teach her how to have a 'war face' hmm not on my watch I don't think.

thisisyesterday Wed 29-Jun-11 17:52:16

if my child were persistently bullied then i would take them out of school until the school sorted it. i wouldn't tell them to hit back.
OR, if i knew the parents then i would take it up with them.

superv1xen Wed 29-Jun-11 17:55:24

well i never hit back and the bullies loved it.

i will be teaching ds to hit back twice as hard

what supa said.

ds is five and i have told him in no uncertain terms just that.

AmberLeaf Wed 29-Jun-11 18:03:09

IME bullies only hit kids that wont fight back, so yes i do tell my DCs to hit back harder

With my first DC i did the 'tell a teacher' route and it just doesnt work, there will be situations where the opportunity to tell a teacher/adult isnt there to 'rescue' them.

sugarbea Wed 29-Jun-11 18:11:08

You see i don't believe that my ds is being bullied he's generally quite easy going and popular with his classmates. The boy that he had the altercation with today is usually a friend and I have spoken to his mum. Her view is that perhaps HER son will think twice before punching someone in the face again. I'm friendly with another mum in the class who feels her DC has been/ is being bullied by the same child that stabbed my ds with the pencil earlier in the year. Her DC is very shy and timid, did all the "right" things and is absolutely miserable at school as the teachers can't seem to curb the bullys behaviour. However.... This child has done everything to not cause an altercation with my ds since he stood up for himself to them earlier in the year.

cory Wed 29-Jun-11 19:07:46

I otoh did try hitting back and it did me no good whatsoever sad

inthesticks Wed 29-Jun-11 19:19:33

DS1 had a similar incident in which he was blamed. He hit a child who had knocked him over and unfortunately the staff only saw the end result. He was a quiet sensitive boy and after that I told him it was never okay to hit back unless the attacker was older / bigger than him.
For years he was pushed around by a girl in the class (who would pick on all the kids in turn). I told him never to hit a girl. The teacher and head promised to deal with it but she still got away with sneaky pinches and tripping him up. Her mother thought she could do no wrong but every parent I spoke to had a tale to tell. In the end I gave up and said Hit Her Back.
He only needed to do it once.

Haribojoe Wed 29-Jun-11 21:03:21

Have had some similar situations with DS2.

Have explained that he should always use words to try and resolve things, stay away from the other child, tell teacher/dinner lady etc BUT if he's done all that to no avail then yes he should hit back.

Like other posters I think that bullies pick on children they think won't stand up for themselves.

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