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had a taster session at nursery, need a large, stiff drink

(16 Posts)
naturalbaby Wed 29-Jun-11 14:00:43

Ds is 3yrs and had a taster session this morning. i had done all the reading and preparation, gone through it in my head, talked to him, been very positive and encouraging about how much fun he was going to have. he had met most of the kids and some staff before.
can you see where this is going?!

he screamed, threw himself on the floor, climbed up me, screamed some more, ran after me as i left, sat in a corner by the door till i returned 10mins later.

the staff are great but they certainly changed their tune when i got back from 'he'll be fine, off you go we'll distract him' to 'this isn't going to be easy is it?!' they were of course very professional and didn't say that but i could see it in their eyes!
i really can't see how it could have been any worse. he starts in september every morning for 3hrs. they said it could take 2 weeks for him to settle so i'm preparing myself for a repeat performance of this morning every single morning.
he's been waking up crying pretty much every day and was hysterical when dh left for work this morning, which never happens.

so anyone else want to share and make me feel better?? please don't just tell me 'it'll be fine' cause i know it will in the end - i remember being exactly the same myself as a child.

DooinMeCleanin Wed 29-Jun-11 14:04:47

Aww poor you. If it helps I was one of those smug parents whose first child coped brilliantly with nursery. Cue the first year of school and her literally having to be peeled off my legs screeching. We all go through it at some point. It is just a phase. It was pass.

One thing that does sometimes help is to give them a 'task' to do for you while they are at nursery i.e "Mummy has go and do X, Y and Z now (make them really boring jobs) but I'd love it if you drew me a picture to cheer me up for when I come back"

Octaviapink Wed 29-Jun-11 14:09:32

Have you got any other options? Childminder rather than nursery? My dd hated nursery for three months. She did get used to it eventually, but I was incredibly glad to go on maternity leave after another couple of months and take her out!

naturalbaby Wed 29-Jun-11 14:25:45

no other options - he's 3 so this is the nursery he starts the term after he turns 3yrs old. it's not childcare so i can work - i'll be at home tearing my hair out with 2 younger siblings!

one of the staff did say it's better this way round than the kids who seem to settle really well to start with so he should cope better in the long run. i remember being peeled off my mums legs then running off laughing to play with my friends as soon as she was out the door!

i just feel so sad for him - it's a lovely nursery with great facilities and he ended up distraught in a corner missing all the fun sad. when we arrived he went running off and was really enjoying himself but as soon as he realised i was going that was that. he knew i was only going to be a few minutes (meant to be 45!), i said i had to go next door to collect papers and books for him "but i want to come with you!". we all tried to give him jobs, distract, reason with him. he was having none of it!

p99gmb Wed 29-Jun-11 14:50:27

stick with it... he needs to learn independence... our 3 yr old has just started doing 2 hours in the afternoon twice a week to get her ready for September term..

at first it was tears and asking when I was coming back, but within a couple of weeks she now quite happily goes off and has even made a friend to skip around the playground with holding hands!!

I think what helped her is having a 'key' person to cuddle and hold hands with.. she'd then gradually thaw and start drawing..... I now take her straight to them and 'just nip the shops for a treat for you' and then when I collect her I have a fruitshoot and a little bag of buttons for her...

Day 1 - don't expect too much... stick with it and put on a brave face..

naturalbaby Wed 29-Jun-11 14:58:10

i asked about a named person for him next time we go so hope that will help and did wonder about a treat for when i got back. all he got today was restrained by the staff to stop him running out the door!

i can't wait for him to make friends there, he spends all day with his younger siblings so i know it's going to be really good for him.

coproxamol Wed 29-Jun-11 21:04:56

OP, don't worry. After a week or so, your DC will not even give you a backward glance as he races through the nursery door!

pointythings Wed 29-Jun-11 21:26:25

They all go through a stage like this - I had to go back to work when mine were 6 months - this was before 33 weeks of paid mat leave envy and it was full time or nothing. They both settled in absolutely beautifully, but they both had periods of real separation anxiety when they were about 2 years old - it passed. Your DS is used to being at home with you and now he's in this strange environment - give him time to settle in.

mosschops30 Wed 29-Jun-11 21:31:50

Oh poor you i prmoise it does get better.
Ds2 couldnt even lookat another person without freaking out, i needed things to change so i put him in creche 3 times a week.
He screamed, when i left him and when i picked him up, somedays it was so bad they had to remove him from the dining area.

Hes been going for about 6 weeks now and its got slowly better week by week, he now legs it in the door without a backwards glance smile and eats them out of house and home.

Please dont listen to people who say you shouldnt be leaving him etc etc, children should be with parents until theyre 5 bollocks. Its good for them and good for you. Ds2 is a different little boy now to how he was 6 weeks ago

LiegeAndLief Wed 29-Jun-11 21:49:17

Oh no I know just how you feel. Spent the first two weeks of preschool dragging 3yo ds into the room as he screamed and thrashed and kicked me (had dd in sling as well so not easy..). One morning he actually held onto the doorframe with his fingernails. I cried on the way home.

But the preschool was lovely and the staff said that he was happy after I left and I knew he was getting bored at home all the time with me and dd. So we stuck with it. I felt so awful knowing that I wasn't at work, he didn't have to go, etc - but I'm sure it was the right thing to do as he ended up having a great time and is now happily settled in school.

My mother went home and had a brandy the first morning she left me at pre-school. Now that is parenting advice worth following smile

monkoray Wed 29-Jun-11 21:51:21

Has he got a toy he could take with him - or maybe you could get him a new Nursery Buddy who he could 'take care of' while he's there. It might give him a bit of security.
Also, does the nursery take younger kids too? If they do maybe you could ask him to take one of his siblings a couple of times. He'd be so busy looking out for them he might forget to be worried.

loler Wed 29-Jun-11 21:58:04

September is ages away (for a 3 yr old) - I'd leave it until then and just do it cold turkey. For all 3 of my dc the settling in unsettled them more than helped!

One thing that helped with one of mine was to send in an old camera so that my ds could take photos to show me what he'd done during the day (they were rubbish but was a huge distraction for him!).

Good luck - and I won't say it'll get better but.......

mathanxiety Thu 30-Jun-11 05:56:32

Why does he have to go?

I completely disagree with foisting independence on small children before they are ready for it. I had all of mine in the US where you don't usually send a small child to any kind of organised childcare situation or quasi educational environment if you are a sahm, no matter how many other children you have at home, until age 4 at the earliest.

I carried DD3 up the stairs kicking and screaming to her preschool room at age 4, and the aide waved me goodbye, bravely saying 'You can be my special helper today' to DD3, who screamed blue bloody murder. She got better after the first week. But she was 4, not 3 -- 3 seems very young to me.

Why is it so important for him to go? Why not have him stay home with you?

snowgum Thu 30-Jun-11 10:10:24

I had trouble getting my 2yo to settle in to her nursery, so instead of leaving her there for short periods of time I started staying there with her. We spent quite a few mornings / afternoons there together. It helped and she was a lot calmer about going.

The staff there said it worked so well they would recommend it to other parents. It also meant I knew what happened there during the day as well as the other children's names, which made it easier for her to tell me what she had been doing after she was there alone.

Not magic though as she was never happy there and was thrilled when I went on maternity leave. She was a year younger than your ds though.

EssexGurl Thu 30-Jun-11 10:59:48

I was going through this in September. DS went to nursery brilliantly and we never had any issues. I was working and so it was an essential. When DS went to school and I became SAHM, we decided to send DD to nursery 2 days a week. She was 16 months. She hated it at first. I literally would stand outside the door listening to her crying her heart out. It was not one of those situations where the moment I left, she was fine. It went on and on. I was tempted to take her out as I didn't need her to be there (yes for my sanity and her socialisation - but not for me to work). But we perservered and she started to enjoy it. We found that if her key worker gave her a book ot toy as soon as she went in, it distracted her enough and she soon settled. She is 2 & 2 mo now and loves it there. It will get better, promise!

naturalbaby Thu 30-Jun-11 11:33:17

there are no options with the type of nursery he's in - they start at 3yrs so little brother can't go (but will next year). Mathanxiety i'd love to keep him at home and totally agree with what you say but we have looked at various options from 3-18yrs and this is the start of the route we have chosen. he's outgrown all the baby and toddler groups we go to, he's getting increasingly bored surrounded by younger toddlers and babies, he's copying 'baby' behaviour because it's all he sees all day every day so i know this is the right decision and he will be very happy when he's settled.

hopefully he'll be more settled and ready in 2 months time, but if not i'll start worrying again mid august! giving him a job sounds like a good idea, and me going to do/fetch something for him while i'm gone might work. i just don't want to be running out the door while 2 staff restrain him every morning for week after week after week, but i have to leave by a certain time so they can get on with their day so need to work out how much time is enough to settle him then escape. i obviously stayed too long trying to say goodbye yesterday. he's got a comforter that he had hold of the whole morning but got into such a rage when i tried to leave that it wouldn't have made much difference at the time. i nearly gave him a toy/friend to take with him to look after, that's another good idea!

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