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Leaving children out

(10 Posts)
iamnotsuperwoman Sun 26-Jun-11 22:18:12

I know this is an issue that has been discussed over and over, I know people have limited numbers for things, but when I found out that everyone in DD's 'friendship group' has been on a wonderful treat except her and that tomorrow at school they will all be talking about it, my heart breaks for her. How can I protect her from the hurt?

cory Sun 26-Jun-11 22:44:20

It is hard, and I think the only way you can make it easier for her is to show yourself sympathetic-but-not-heartbroken. Yes, dear, I do know it is hard, but you will get over it, and some other time it will be somebody else who misses out.

exoticfruits Sun 26-Jun-11 23:00:01

A sensible reply from cory-you can't do anything more. It is hard, and you feel for her.

iamnotsuperwoman Sun 26-Jun-11 23:00:04

I know. Poor thing is going to be gutted. Do I forewarn her or let her find out from the others at school?
I am very upset as the mum who organised it didn't seem the type to leave out one child, something I couldn't do.

exoticfruits Sun 26-Jun-11 23:01:22

I would let her find out and the take the approach-telling her first makes it difficult to follow the approach-you are giving it importance.

iamnotsuperwoman Sun 26-Jun-11 23:04:17

Thanks. I must admit I am upset too- the other mums are supposed to be friends of mine and none of them even mentioned it. I am going to go into school tomorrow all smiles on the surface and then plan a fab treat for DD (but still follow the advice here).

exoticfruits Sun 26-Jun-11 23:09:06

I really feel for you both, but you are doing the right thing. The treat is a great idea.

LaTourEiffel Tue 28-Jun-11 23:46:37

I've had exactly this today, came looking for a thread, knew I'd find one!

Ds hasn't been invited to a party of one of the boys in his nursery class, it wouldn't be so bad for ds but the child whose party it is has been telling ds all about it for weeks...so for him now not to get an invite is very confusing for him.

He asked me why he hadn't been invited and I didn't know what to say.

I knew this would happen at some point, but its hard the first time...i know they'll be more, etc. didn't make it easier.

Was thinking I'll have to make sure we do something cool that weekend so he's not left out if they're talking about it at nursery.

Parenting is hard.

Rosebud05 Tue 28-Jun-11 23:51:19

It is.

i guess the only way forward is to think of these situations as opportunities you've got to support your child through difficult situations without damaging their self-esteem.

Coping with disappointment in a way that isn't either self-destructive or destructive to others is a valuable life skill and one than not all adults can manage effectively.

It is horrible if you would 'expect' your child to be invited, though.

CoffeeIsMyFriend Wed 29-Jun-11 08:22:20

I can see this from the opposite side too.

A child at my DDs school makes everyones life hell. I dont mean normal brattish behaviour for 8yr old girls. She is a horror. Face Slapping, kicking, telling lies, and other things I darent mention on MN!.
Teachers dont seem to do much despite many parents going to speak to teacher/head mistress.

Lately this child has been excluded from parties that the girls have been having because parents just dont want this child around their kids.

It is sad, the mother has been called into school on numerous occasions, but still the childs behaviour is bad. sad

It is never nice when a child is left out. I agree with cory

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