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Advice needed to stop me thinking about having another child

(7 Posts)
somehelpneeded Sun 26-Jun-11 20:49:09

How do you make your heart listen to your head?

How do you deal with the feelings of want and make yourself believe you won't live to regret not having more children?

I havd 2DC (5 and 2.5). Am always thinking about the third and thinking it will make me happy (I often feel unhappy, but can't really put my finger on why).

Words of wisdom from anyone really appreciated as am struggling to move on with this.

MamaMary Sun 26-Jun-11 21:35:57

Sorry to hear you're struggling. I can't advise on your specific situation as I don't know all the details, but I can tell you that having another child won't necessarily make you happy.

If you are feeling unhappy, there must be underlying, deeper reasons for it.

Could you possibly have post-natal depression? It can take a long time to surface/ be diagnosed.

ragged Mon 27-Jun-11 11:27:17

I found going from 2 to 3 very hard work. And 3 to 4 even harder. I didn't realise how much I would want my life back by now (youngest still 15 months away from starting school). I really think there's a lot to be said for stopping at two!!

Orangeflower7 Mon 27-Jun-11 14:41:39

I sometimes feel like that and have two of 2.5 and 6. I deal with it by imagining how lovely it will be in the next few years, the bit of time when ds2 starts preschool, how I'll be able to relax and enjoy their conversations and spend 1;1 with them whereas otherwise I'd be taken up with a baby/toddler. I found having the second hard though and missed the time alone with my first. my second was quite hard work and I found it really difficult juggling the two and their different needs, but I guess it depends how you find the baby/toddler stage I guess. Maybe a doddle for some and not so much for others. I find it okay but intense, with just the one to focus on but any more, tricky. It's not like just you and the baby to think of is it.

somehelpneeded Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:54

Thanks for the messages. Really, thank you.

MamaMary - I think you have picked up on something there. I went to my GP about 9 months ago and she didn't think I was depressed. I have had counselling since then, which helped at the time but I feel back at square one now really. May I ask, are you speaking from experience in terms of another child not necessarily making you happy?

Ragged - hats off to you with 4! Are there people out there who would stop at two if they could have their time again?

Orangeflower - sensible words, which I have already told myself time and time again, but don't seem to be able to actually make it sink in! I think this is the head v heart thing - are you managing to make your head win?

Also I am bad at "me time" - feel guilty and also that I am missing out on fun things if DH takes the kids out!

Any further comments very welcome.

Orangeflower7 Mon 27-Jun-11 16:29:15

Maybe try some proper 'me time' and see how nice it can be- eg make a plan to do something nice so not 'missing out'- just go for a walk/have lovely bath. Read new book, something just for you, or meet up with a friend and go to the pub.

MamaMary Mon 27-Jun-11 22:44:52

No, I only have one DC at the moment. I just feel that having another DC is unlikely to end your discontent. If anything, it needs sorted out before even considering taking on something as massive as another baby. As the other posters have pointed out, a new baby would bring massive changes and stresses stresses into your life.

It's like couples who have a baby in an attempt to save their relationship and keep them together-it never works.

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