DD won't feed from DH and I am losing the plot - please help!(9 Posts)
So, DD (5.5mo) is obviously much more used to me as I'm at home with her all day and DH works full-time, so only sees her for about 15 mins in the morning and does bath-time when he gets in. Our bed-time routine is for DH to do bath and then hand over to me for a last bottle before I put her down. I'm due to go out tomorrow night so DH will have to do the full bedtime routine, and we tried it last night - however DD absolutely refused to take the bottle from him and got herself into a right tizz, and wouldn't be consoled by DH so I had to step in. She then woke at 9.30pm (normally I wake her at 10 for a dream feed) and the same happened again, absolute refusal to take the bottle from DH and awful screaming until I stepped in, sorted her out and fed her when she'd calmed down.
So the short term issue is the bottle thing - I'm in a state because I don't feel like I can go out tonight but it's a hen do that I've organised so I can't really miss it? However, the wider issue feels much more serious to me. We have got ourself into a situation where it seems that DD will only be comforted by me and is unsettled when left with DH. I can see how this has happened - I'm with her more, instinctively know what to do to keep her happy, and therefore it's been the easy option for me to do 99% of everything even when DH is around. I'm blaming myself because deep down I know that it gives me a huge amount of satisfaction to be good at being a mum - particularly as I found it extremely challenging in the early weeks and months. I know that DH now feels awful that DD won't take a bottle from him but again, very deep down I look at him with her and think 'just do it like this or give her to me for gods sake'. I thought I'd been quite good at not telling him how to do things, but now I realise that instead of telling him what to do I've just been taking DD and almost shutting him out - even worse.
We've only realised that the situation has got critical since yesterday's debacle and I don't think I've stopped crying since - have completely lost the plot!!! DH doesn't think it's as bad as I do but I am naturally a worrier and things really get to me. I actually think I've plunged into a bit of a mental pit about it all and I can't see a way out.
Sorry, this is a complete ramble and I don't even really know what I'm asking but if anyone has any advice I'd be really grateful.
Start leaving her with DH for longer periods at the weekends. I'd start with choosing 2-3 hours where she won't want a bottle. You'll be weaning her soon too, so get her dad involved in that from the start - maybe have him offer her solids for the first time so food isn't a mum thing for her.
Go to the hen night.
Yes, you'll worry about your baby. But one night will wreck neither her diet nor her psyche. DH may well have a difficult time of it, but he'll cope - and actually it might be easier if the baby doesn't sense you hovering in the wings.
Then, after you've seen how they get on, start to increase his time with her, and the range of things he does with her, as often as you can.
Try not to over exaggerate and I know it is hard as you are so immersed in everything but this is really common. Remember if you want to have a little bit of time out you will have to perservere and it wont take long. Let him do it his own way and if she cries and refuses to feed from him, leave him to deal with it and she will come round and then forget she ever had a problem with him feeding her. It will resolve if you leave him to it. She will make sure she doesn't go too long! If you keep giving in she will think it is worth holding out for.
i would go out for a while this afternoon to give him chance and not take over when you come in. You will enjoy life more if you do this and so will dd.
Have a lovely time tonight and don't even think about not going! xx
Well the only way for her to get used to it is for him to do it more.
A very similar thing happen with me. Except we hadn't decided to try it out, my dad was rushed to hospital and because off dd the only times I could visit were the evenings when dh was home. The first night was challenging, the second was a bit better. Now I make sure he does it regularly and if he's not for a while it does make a difference (and she's 3.3 now!!!)
You should certainly go out tonight.
Your DD is old enough that she will be ok for an evening.
I had the same problems with my DD, but there were times when I had to go out to work. It does get better the more times you do it.
Incidentally, with my DD, it turned out that what she really loved was being cuddled by me she was having the bottle, more than just being fed by me (and a few years later she still loves having cuddles with me). I'm sure this won't work for everyone, and it may just have been my daughter and I guess it could make some babies worse, but we found our DD was ok with husband feeding her as long as she had got in her cuddle with me first (didn't obviously help much if I was out of the house, but a step in the right direction).
Just thought I'd give an update.... thanks so much for the responses; they really helped me get a bit of perspective! I went out and had a great night - just what I needed, and DD behaved v well for DH, despite not drinking very much milk at all. She's made up for it today and is having her dream feed from DH now.
Thanks again everyone, and roll on weaning!
First night out - tick
glad you had a good time.
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