Sorry this is long but I'd really appreciate some advice and I've tried to cover the whole story...
DS has just turned 5. Tall lad but youngest in his Reception class. Lovely school, small class of 21. He settled fantastically. Went from a very shy and not confident child to a child really blossoming. He has LOVED school. Loves his mates. Loves the work.
Then, I think it was shortly before Easter he started having a few wobbles about a particular boy X, the 'naughty' boy. I didn't pay a huge amount of attention to it (other things going on) and it seemed to me, at that time, that everyone had the same problems with this boy (he has as yet undiagnosed special needs, but the issue for DS is being hit, pushed, shouted at, continually followed). I gave DS strategies such as telling X to stop, putting his hand in front of him if X was coming in to push him, and if that failed going to a teacher.
About 10 days ago when I picked DS up he completely broke down in floods of tears - literally bawling and hysterical. Not like him at all. According to DS X had been repeatedly pushing and shoving him, been shouting in his face and the teachers would stop it and then it would start again. In a nutshell DS said he felt singled out by X (my words, but he was saying X just does it to him) and none of the other boys wanted to play with him because X was always following him. I also noticed, but don't know if it's connected as DS didn't seem clear, that he had mild bruising all around his chest/neck/upper arms almost like he'd been dragged around by his shirt?? He also had a huge egg on his forehead a few days before which he said was caused by X "running in to" him - it didn't seem clear if it was accidental.
I spoke to the teacher the next day (a new teacher since Easter) and she said it was because DS had been so kind to X whereas the other boys had not wanted anything to do with him from the start, and now X couldn't handle it when DS wanted some space to play with his friends. Kind of hero-worship, now gone a bit wrong. She said they would be split up more and DS given more opportunities away from X.
Since then we have had, I think, 3 nights where he's woken very upset about X. And it's been listed in his "worst part of his day" every day at dinner... Then yesterday pick him up and in the car DS is really silent and quiet. I ask what's wrong and straight away he said "please talk to Mrs H about X again mummy, I don't want to go back to school". He said he had been repeatedly pushed and then finally pushed over landing very hard on his elbows at which point the TA intervened. Indeed when I looked at his elbows they had fresh bruises... He seemed pretty ok in himself after he calmed down. But then he wouldn't go to sleep at all and got very very distressed saying "I don't want X to hurt me" over and over.
So DH and I go in this morning before school to catch his teacher. Both she and the TA were there. They both looked visibly taken aback when we said we were still worried about DS and X. The TA said the pushing story of yesterday didn't make sense as DS and X hadn't been together at that time?? Also that X wasn't capable of pushing over "a big lad like DS" he can't even hold a pencil. The teacher said she thought it was a "smoke-screen" for something else worrying DS.
I will be so mad at DS if he is 'blaming' this little boy and he's not to blame... but I really really don't think he's making this up. He's never made anything up even remotely like this before and when he tells silly fibs he gets a blatant smirk on his face. He has a very clear sense of right and wrong, and although he can be lively and mischievous it just doesn't fit with his personality to date. And he is obviously very very upset and worrying about something... and why say it's X if it's not? We don't ask leading questions regarding it, we let him say things himself. So I don't understand.
So now I don't know what to do. DS says Mrs H has spoken to him today and said his Yr 5/6 buddies will look out for him more in the playground and he will be kept separate from X. But why do that if they don't think X is the problem?
I've spoken again with DS tonight and said I absolutely need to know he's telling me the truth about what is upsetting him so we can help and the teachers can help, and his story was exactly true to everything else he's said. I don't want him to think I don't believe him so he can't tell me, but it's all a bit odd?? So what do I do?
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6 replies
theotherboleyngirl · 23/06/2011 19:24
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